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Date Posted: 11:20:41 01/09/02 Wed
Author: Friend
Subject: Peter Chang Letter to Sam from UBFNET
In reply to: rsqarchive 's message, "January 2001" on 10:32:30 01/09/02 Wed

Author: Friend
Subject: Peter Chang Letter to Sam from UBFNET

Note: Peter Chang was director for many years in Columbus UBF which was the largest and most successful UBF chapter in America. Samuel Lee also said on a number of occasions that M. Peter would have been his successor if he had not tried to Reform UBF.

*********
The Letter to M. Samuel Lee by M. Peter Chang  

                                                                                                                                                                      July 17, 1990

Dear Missionary Samuel Lee, my father in the Lord:

Dear Missionary Samuel Lee,

           I have long desired to share with you what is in my heart. But I hesitated many times because it seemed so futile to me. Whenever I thought about how you always interpret things your own way regardless of how truthfully someone may speak his heart. However, now I have decided to speak to you concerning what reigns most in my heart, even if you do interpret this in your way. I no longer worry about
how you see things. I only want to stand before God and discharge my duty of being faithful and honest to him.

           As you know, I have been with you since 1969. Except for my three years in the army, it has been 21 long years. Whether you admit it or not, I have noticed at least one big change in you over these two decades. I don¡¯t know whether this change has happened gradually or if the seed of it has been there from the beginning; if so, it was not apparent earlier. Nevertheless, this is what I have seen. When I was young student, you fascinated me for one big reason: you seemed to love those who were independent-minded, bull-headed and rebellious. You gave them room to run freely and uninhibitedly. You were an excellent shepherd for the students of the college of liberal arts and science of S.N.U. Boy, did we revel in the freedom and fun that we had never had at school or at home. You did not seem to care so much about our loyalty to you; rather, you seemed to love those who loved the
truth.

           But these days, I feel that our spirituality is measured largely by our loyalty to you. Anyone whose idea differs from yours or who does not seem to be so loyal to you is not considered to be spiritual. He is seen as ungrateful, betraying, rebellious, and so forth. You know, those are quite harsh words to swallow. Further, whoever seems to be loyal to you is well treated regardless of what he is really like. He is seen as faithful to the lord, a hero in times of Satan¡¯s attacks. You know, because of this kind of atmosphere around you, some have exaggerated the facts so as to give you only the kind of information you want to hear. Conclusions are then drawn on the basis of this biased information which is actually laden with many twists and misinformation. Frankly, I do not see any truth at all in dealing such as these. In some ways, they make me feel sick, even nauseous. We are the children of God; and yet we are not so differently than worldly people, full of hatred, gossip, and
slander. We should be deeply saddened by this. But you seem to be condoning this kind of behavior because it serves your purpose. I can not stand the fact that such things are going on among us, and that such things are continuously and subtly encouraged in the name of saving God¡¯s work. Isn¡¯t God mighty enough to save his work in beautiful and wonderful ways? Why do we have to use such shameful practices each other?

           You Know, Missionary Samuel Lee, for this very reason I have become hungrier and thirstier for the righteous ways of Jesus Christ. I long for his ways . his beautiful, pure, and blameless ways. That has led me to study the word of God to find out what it truly means to walk Jesus did (1Jn 2:6), and that it means to be confirmed to his likeness. (Ro 8:29) The more I have studied the word of God, the more convinced I have become that there are higher laws than the laws of man. Please don¡¯t be offended. No matter how powerful and capable one is, he is still a sinner, corrupted
from the core of his heart. This is man Jesus (MK 7:21-23), King David (Ps 51:4), and Paul (Ro 3:10-20) described him. No man can be the imposing principle over any other man. Yes, leaders are to be honored and respected. But no man is qualified to be another¡¯s guiding principle or to replace another¡¯s conscience, because he himself is likewise subject to selfish ambition, jealousy, anger, hatred, mistrust and the like.

           A man needs a higher . a much higher . law than other man. It is the law of his conscience. Christ died set our consciences free from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living Lord. (Heb 9:14) Christ died set our consciences free. Why? So that they maybe bound by someone else? By no means! He set my conscience free through his precious blood so that I may be faithful to it. A conscience is a wonderful medium through which God speaks to us when we stand before him. Through it he tells us what is right and what is wrong. Should we then violate what Christ has
set free by shedding his own precious blood? On the contrary, we must be honest to our conscience. But many times I have had to struggle with you, because you have constantly tried to change what my conscience has taken hold of before the lord. That has caused me so much inner turmoil; now it is to the point of being unbearable. This is one of the main reasons I began to drift away from you.

           Another higher law that I have found is the law of the Spirit which set me free from sin. (Ro 8:2) In this law there is freedom. (2Cor 3:17) This law does not suffocate me. I am not one of those who advocates simply ¡°going with the flow of the Spirit;¡± I am not a so-called ¡°Charismatic.¡± In fact, I myself am weary of them. I am clear in my understanding of the Holy Spirit. If anyone is led by the Holy spirit, he will try to live by the teachings of Jesus; he will obey the word of God, suffer for Christ¡¯s sake, and put his hope in the Kingdom of God. When my heart is right with God through
obedience to the word of God, I do find great freedom. In this freedom I can search out the truth, serve God according to my conviction, and serve the body of Christ with a pure conscience and truth. So, even though you constantly tell me about your training, I don¡¯t see it as something absolute. No matter how effective your training method may be, one thing is clear; it is elementary while the word of God is absolute; it is heavenly and supreme. Christ died to set me free from all earthly and elementary principles. What is greater than Christ¡¯s own words? I am sorry to ask this, but can man¡¯s wisdom be greater than Christ¡¯s own words? Can any man¡¯s understanding of the heavenly words and wisdom of God actually be greater than those very words? Doesn¡¯t the word of God actually train people, when one tries to live by it? I see a much greater effect from the word of God in a man¡¯s life than from human training. God¡¯s word makes one a man of God when he tries to obey it. But man¡¯s training usually
produces culturally and organizationally bound people. Missionary Samuel Lee, I respect your insight and skill in training people. In no way am I belittling the value of training. And yet, I cannot place your principles above the word of God; it is far greater; it is heavenly. God¡¯s word gives me courage and fearlessness and freedom. But man¡¯s training often produces fear, dependency, and paralysis. Missionary Samuel Lee, I respect the word of God for more than any human ability or skill. I do not regret this, nor do I intend to change it. The word of God is supreme to me.

           In brief, I have struggled hard to obtain the freedom of my conscience and the freedom to search out and obey the word of God without having any convictions interfered or changed by anyone else. Perhaps you will say (as you usually say) that you have always given me the freedom to do whatever I wanted to do as the director of the local chapter. But, that is not true. You are always ready to force your ideas on others.
As a result, I and some of the other staff members have regrettably learned not to talk to you as much as we would like to. You see, no one likes to lose the conviction of his own conscience and the freedom to follow the word of God the way God has revealed it to him. I do not deny that to a certain point men do need the guidance of more experienced and mature shepherds. Even when they are mature they still need frequent guidance from fellow mature servants for their progress in the Spirit. But, after a certain point, I believe that each believer must be able to faithful to his own conviction from God. He must be able to stand before God alone and receive his own conviction from God. He must be able to stand before God alone and receive his own great individual calling as a royal priest (1Pe 2:9), carrying the whole world in his heart and praying for it, each one just like the high priest. This is how the 16th century reformers rediscovered the greatness of the individual¡¯s priesthood and thus moved away
from Catholicism.

           And in this way, I have found myself as a royal priest called for God¡¯s wonderful purpose. Now, even if the whole world falls apart, I know I must serve the one who called me and considered me worthy of his calling. And as a royal priest, I realize the importance of my inward holiness. How can I serve the Holy God if my heart is far from being holy? That is why I have not been too happy with some of the philosophies and practice we have had, such as slandering, lying, threatening, working behind each other¡¯s hearts and the like. I have wanted to leave those kinds of things behind and instead pursue a holy way of living. I have seen the great value of the teaching in the Sermon on the Mount and so decided to measure my Christian faith against them. In those teachings, Jesus deals with the life of holiness very practically. I deeply realized that I was very far from the holy life my Lord Jesus Christ wants me to have. Yet seeing my shortcomings made the desire to obey
these teachings even stronger. I have in my heart such a longing to obey these beautiful words, because they will mold me into the likeness of Christ.

           You know, Missionary Samuel Lee, the words of Jesus are so peace-giving. He speaks to straightforwardly. When my heart is willing, I can never miss what he means. I don¡¯t have to worry about what he ¡°really¡± means. I find much happiness in simply trying to obey his words and build my Christian life on this foundation.

           But when I talk with you, I have to guard my heart, because somehow what you say isn¡¯t necessarily what you mean. In order to put out urgent fire, it seems you can so easily say anything necessary, even if you mean something else entirely. Perhaps you expect us somehow to figure out and understand what you really mean. I am sorry, but I am no longer very interested in trying to figure out your mind. I am tired of it because your meaning seems to change constantly. I am also very weary of being tested by
you. This only makes me feel that you do not trust me at all. The most devastating thing you do to our fellow staff . something that has deeply disappointed us . is often to order other missionaries to ¡°check on¡± us. Do you know how much pain you cause us through this kind of mistrust? We can bear it, but it does not produce in us either deep affection or respect for you. I feel terrible every time I run into yet another instance of your anxiousness, mistrust, and fear of people under you. Why must this be? Also, I don¡¯t think it is at all fair to say that anyone who has a problem with you is actually his own problem; that his own maturity, his ¡°human thinking,¡± or his rebellion are the only problem. Sometimes, Missionary Samuel Lee, if you could just think about things a little differently and be willing to solve problems by mutual communication, the result would be much better. By ¡°mutual communication¡± I don¡¯t mean just speaking to us so as to impose your views on us and then praying. I would hope
that you could have the patience to listen to us, too. And rest assured that this would not lessen your authority at all. On the contrary, it would enhance your authority in love.

           At any rate, I have concluded that the law of the conscience and the spirit is far greater than the law of any man, because God is far greater than any man. And that is what I want to obey because that is what God has given me to obey. It is my great pleasure and earnest desire to seek after it.

           You will remember that I suggested we have an all-together staff meeting. You really agreed at first, but for some reason, you must have decided against it. This is okay. Did you think that I had a political motive? I assure you, I had no political motive behind the suggesting at all. But I have felt a deep pain in my heart because of Missionary James Kim¡¯s event carefully watched how you have dealt with hi during the past several months, and to what extent you have tried to keep your promise of
sending him five coworkers. You know what a genuine man he is. If you had likewise genuinely show your trust in him despite all the troubles, you could have easily commanded his on-going love and respect. He could have grown even closer to you than ever. That was my hope. But, I have to tell you in all honesty that I have been deeply disappointed. And it is not just me. There is a lot of mistrust and confusion among the whole staff. I am sure you will sure that it¡¯s only Missionary James Kim and I who have problem. But I am telling you, the problem is more wide-spread than that. Just because others may afraid to speak out and so keep silent, agreeing with what you say so as not to cause any more trouble, you can not say that there are no problems. They are there, and through this staff meeting, I wanted to see some kind of trusting communication happen among us. But it didn¡¯t happen. And the way I see it now, it might never happen. I don¡¯t know why you are so closed-hearted when it comes to mutual
communication.  It seems to me that you are almost afraid. I believe that Believers must listen to each other and try to understand each other, repent with each other and restore love among themselves, because our lord clearly commanded us, ¡°Love one another.¡± Also, isn¡¯t it true that when Delivers go through troubles, they can come out with stronger love than ever? Shouldn¡¯t we be able to demonstrate this among us? I simply desired to see this kind of reconciliation and the restoration of true internal unity. I don¡¯t regret that I have been hoping for such a result, for surely this is a very legitimate hope we have in our loving Lord.    

           I had hoped that you would be like a loving and generous father who tries hard to understand his children, different though they may be, and still loves them unconditionally. I hoped that you would be remembered as a truly Christian-like spiritual father to us all. I still do. But my great hope has become a great disappointment.

         
 Instead, you have treated ma like an enemy. Although you spoke sweetly to me personally, you led others to believe that I had had an affair with a woman, something I told you very clearly was not true. But you never believed me when I told you that it was not true. You have made this quite clear whenever you have spoken against anyone who did not fully agree with you. Rather than listen to the truth, you always pointed out their faults and past problems and discredited them, perhaps in an attempt to prevent their so-called bad influence; that, to me, has always seemed absurd. But it doesn¡¯t matter; what you say about me doesn¡¯t bother me anymore. After all, how can it matter when we think about Christ who did not even defend himself at this trial? What can I say before such an example? Nevertheless it did deeply sadden me. And I still ask, ¡°What is this that has happened to us?¡±  

           Another thing I want to clearly tell you is that I have no ambition either to succeed you or to push you
aside. The very idea is preposterous. I gave up any ambition of becoming your successor 6 or 7 years ago. I am just not interested, now am I plotting against you toward that end. I could not and would not dare to attempt such a terrible sin against God. Please, if you are so concerned about the future leadership, then choose someone from among those who have faithfully grown up under your training in Chicago, and train him from now on. I assure you, I will cowork with him and support him when the time arrives. But please, never think that I am rebelling against you because I am envious of your position. I am not. I want only the truth. I want the word of God, in which I find such great freedom for my soul and through which I clearly find my calling as a student worker for America and a missionary-sending laborer. I want only to be faithful to the very word of God entrusted to me, and to try to live by it.

           It seems to me that you are somehow preparing the ¡°worst case,¡± i.e. my leaving UBF.
Perhaps I am wrong. But knowing quite well by now how you work, certain quite obvious facts lead me to believe this. (I am basing this on some facts that I don¡¯t want to talk about here.) Several others have also already concluded this.  

           But I have no intention of leaving UBF. Let me tell you how I perceive my calling. Although you have often said, ¡°The whole of UBF is mine,¡± I think you are quite wrong. If UBF were only that, I would not have stayed with it. Honestly, if it were only yours, I would not stay, for that would mean the sacrifice of so many for just one man¡¯s ambition. I am sure that you did not mean that, either. But, like any other Christian fellowship, UBF has been called into being by much higher and greater being, the Divine Being who created the heavens and the earth, and who raised our Lord Jesus Christ from the dead. It is He whom I obey here in UBF. God has indeed used you and is still using you through this organization. But it is not yours. It belongs to God,
and thus it belongs to us all. The body of Christ belong to Christ, the Head, and thus, it belongs to us all, because we are all the body. That is why I love it. For this reason, no one could ever tell me to leave. Only he who called me can tell me such a thing.

           And so, I would have a very difficult time with the upcoming conference. I am not at all enthusiastic about an external show of unity. I would have to go and sit there pretending as if everything was beautiful. But I am tired of acting. Unless the true unity of deep trust and love is restored, there is no point to it. That must come first. If not, I feel like a hypocrite. This unity can not be achieved with cheap words any longer. Careless words and promises only deepen the hurt more. Let us not speak too much, if the words are only hollow. So, I have decided to skip this year¡¯s conference. If you call this a protest, then yes it is. I want true internal unity based on love, not an external show of unity. I still think that good
quality staff conferences are much better than big, showy meetings. But I am even tired of these now. Right now all I want is the pure knowledge of Jesus and his words. So, we will stay here and pray for you. I know I will be called many names for this, but I don¡¯t care about that any more. What does it matter? And please, do not try to persuade me to change my mind on this. My mind is set.

           I truly hope that in the near future all these misunderstandings and this deep mistrust that are killing us may disappear; that our terrible habit of slandering, which doesn¡¯t please God or edify our brothers in Christ, may be gone from among us. I hope that instead there will be genuine love among our coworkers. Once you said that you can have only ¡°purposeful¡± love, but I don¡¯t agree; Paul clearly says that love must be sincere, or genuine. (Ro 12:9) I don¡¯t know when this struggle of mistrust will end. This is sad, really sad. But I truly hope that you may come to know that others having
different ideas from yours does not necessarily constitute ¡°rebellion,¡± ¡°betrayal¡± or ¡°ingratitude.¡± After all, we all serve one Lord and one God and one spirit through one faith and one baptism and one hope. (Eph 4:4-6) I deeply respect the great reformers and their conclusion about this matter: ¡°Unity in essentials; diversity in non-essentials; and charity in all.¡± May God bless you continuously! And may God give you a great spirit of trust and unconditional love for you spiritual sons!

                                                  In love, Peter, your son in the Lord

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