<i>I hope you're as happy as you're pretending...</i> -- **Chasity and Cassandra's Place**

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Date Posted: 09:20:46 03/23/03 Sun
Author: Kato
Subject: I hope you're as happy as you're pretending...

He knocked softly on the front door - he hadn't touched any drugs or alcohol all night, but hadn't really slept either and looked a little rough. Waiting rather impatiently, he ran his hands down his face and sighed shakily...

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She answered the door with Kesi on her hip, jabbering about the gummi bears they had given her the night before - but even the babys babble was cut off when she saw her father - immediatly calling and reaching out for him. Cassie just smiled a little sadly, letting him in, and handing him over their daughter. (NT) -- Cassie, 09:22:39 03/23/03 Sun
He could barely muster a smile, gaze a little glassy as he hugged his daughter to his chest, eyes shut tightly as he pressed a kiss to her hair. (NT) -- Kato, 09:24:47 03/23/03 Sun
She took a step back, heading into the living room to give him privacy if he wanted it. A sigh escaped her as she ran her hand over her hair, wearing a hoodie of Diallo's, Chasity's boyfriend or whatever he was, and the same jeans from the night before. (NT) -- Cassie, 09:26:01 03/23/03 Sun
He just stood there for a long moment in quiet - random - conversation with his oblivious daughter. Finally, he set her done and followed the child into the living room - meeting Cass' eyes hesitantly. (NT) -- Kato, 09:31:21 03/23/03 Sun
She offered him a slight smile, unsure of what to say as Kesi wandered into the playroom, muttering about her dog. (NT) -- Cassie, 09:32:24 03/23/03 Sun
He shrugged unsurely and ran a hand over his eyes, lowering himself to one of the chairs. "Hi..." (NT) -- Kato, 09:36:22 03/23/03 Sun
She brought her gaze from Kesi to Kato, unsureness in her eyes. "She seems ok...right?" (NT) -- Cassie, 09:37:18 03/23/03 Sun
"Yeah, perfectly normal..." He was positive she was okay, watching his daughter lovingly. (NT) -- Kato, 09:39:58 03/23/03 Sun
She nodded, sighing softly in relief. "She slept all through the night fine..." She looked back to Kato, before she pulled a blanket down around herself. (NT) -- Cassie, 09:40:55 03/23/03 Sun
"How did you sleep?" He questioned quietly, still not looking to her. (NT) -- Kato, 09:41:51 03/23/03 Sun
She shrugged a bit. "Not very well..." Whether it be because she was worried about Kesi, or because he wasn't going to be showing up at all that night - she wasn't sure. (NT) -- Cassie, 09:44:29 03/23/03 Sun
He nodded slightly - he himself didn't sleep well without her in bed with him, and last night was just too much for him - all strung out on nerves alone. "Me neither." (NT) -- Kato, 09:46:16 03/23/03 Sun
"I still mean what I said last night Kato." She didn't want to lull him into a soft, fake security. (NT) -- Cassie, 09:47:37 03/23/03 Sun
"Then why am I here, Cassandra? I should just go." He shifted to stand again - for a moment he had wondered if she was going to forgive him, give him another chance, like she always did. (NT) -- Kato, 09:50:40 03/23/03 Sun
She frowned, her eyes darkening. "Your just going to go, like that?" She shook her head. "I never thought you'd give up on being with your daughter." Being with her, yeah, he could walk away from that...he would always have other girls. (NT) -- Cassie, 09:52:53 03/23/03 Sun
"C'mon, Cass, I'm trying to do what's best for you and for her. She needs a stable, safe home... You can give that to her. You deserve someone better - who'll treat you right." But he knew he wouldn't be able to be around them if Cass was with another man - it was just easiest to sever all ties. (NT) -- Kato, 09:55:47 03/23/03 Sun
She looked away, tears in her eyes that she didn't want him to see. "How am I supposed to explain that to her?" (NT) -- Cassie, 09:56:57 03/23/03 Sun
His own eyes were stinging and he rubbed them shamefully - he never wanted to be without her, or their daughter. "I don't know... Just make sure she knows I love her." (NT) -- Kato, 10:00:00 03/23/03 Sun
She shook her head silently, staring down at the ground, her head in her hands. Kesi wandered in, a frown on her pretty young face as she went to pat her mom's arm. "Mama?" She questioned, before she looked questioningly up at her father. "Make mama happy?" She questioned, getting better at making sentances out of her short words. She leaned against her mothers legs, before flashing a smile adoringly at her father. (NT) -- Cassie, 10:02:51 03/23/03 Sun
He was a tough guy who'd seen alot of rough stuff throughout his short life, and guys like him weren't supposed to be so emotional, but he couldn't help it when it came to his family. Gazing down at his child, he shook his head and cleared his throat with some difficulty - he couldn't make her happy. "Mama's okay, baby..." (NT) -- Kato, 10:08:22 03/23/03 Sun
She shook her head, standing up and walking past Kesi to go to her room, trying to collect herself. She didn't want to break down in front of Kesiyeh. (NT) -- Cassie, 10:09:52 03/23/03 Sun
He lifted Kesi up and settled her onto the couch, turning the television onto a cartoon to keep her occupied for a moment, then following Cassie into her room. He cleared his throat quietly and pulled her gently into his arms - he needed one last hug atleast... (NT) -- Kato, 10:12:53 03/23/03 Sun
She turned into his chest, openly crying against his shirt, her fingers making their way to fist tightly in the fabric. (NT) -- Cassie, 10:13:55 03/23/03 Sun
His arms wrapped around her tightly, eyes squeezing shut as he burried his face in her hair. (NT) -- Kato, 10:17:17 03/23/03 Sun
She took a few shuddering breaths, staying in his arms for a few long moments before the tears quieted down some. (NT) -- Cassie, 10:18:28 03/23/03 Sun
He didn't want to - and had no intention to - let her go, and so just stood there holding her and trying to calm his own emotions. (NT) -- Kato, 10:20:39 03/23/03 Sun
She wanted to yell at him, to tell him to just fix things. She wanted him to stop the drugs, to get his GED, get a real job...but was it her place to tell him all that? Shouldn't he know on his own? (NT) -- Cassie, 10:21:50 03/23/03 Sun
He had considered getting his GED - but he hadn't even passed 8th grade, and read and wrote at about a grade 5 or 6 level. He exhaled shakily, cupping her face in his hands and placing a kiss to her forehead. (NT) -- Kato, 10:25:08 03/23/03 Sun
She let out a soft breath, her voice equally shaky. "I'm scared for you..." Drugs like he did killed people, the life he led wasn't a safe one. He had scars all over his body to prove that. (NT) -- Cassie, 10:26:30 03/23/03 Sun
"I don't know anything else, Cassie... I don't like my life-" Except the part that involved her and their daughter. "And I wish there was something else I could do... Cassie you could have such a better life..." (NT) -- Kato, 10:29:43 03/23/03 Sun
She sighed softly, finally looking up at him with tear filled eyes. "But no one else will make me happy." (NT) -- Cassie, 10:31:47 03/23/03 Sun
His eyes - bloodshot from lack of sleep and the emotions now - searched hers, head shaking slowly. "I just want you to be safe and taken care of..." (NT) -- Kato, 10:34:21 03/23/03 Sun
She sighed, laying her head on his shoulder. "But it's all or nothing with you right?" She questioned. "It wouldn't work if maybe me and Kesi just stayed here...till you get off the drugs, till things settle down..." (NT) -- Cassie, 10:35:54 03/23/03 Sun
"I can get off the drugs tomorrow... But I can't get rid of them..." He wouldn't like it but would be willing to consider the idea, if the only other possibility was losing her. (NT) -- Kato, 10:38:39 03/23/03 Sun
Her eyes slid shut, a hand running over her head slowly. "Everything in me is telling me that it makes me a horrible mother to raise Kesi in that enviroement..." (NT) -- Cassie, 10:40:01 03/23/03 Sun
"What can I do, Cassandra? Honestly, just tell me what I can do... McDonald's wouldn't even hire me." His arms dropped hand limply at his sides. (NT) -- Kato, 10:42:24 03/23/03 Sun
She sighed gently, shrugging her shoulders. "i don't know..." She looked completely and totally defeated. (NT) -- Cassie, 10:44:27 03/23/03 Sun
He nodded slightly, numbness washing over him. "Neither do I... I'll come by mornings? To see Kesi..." (NT) -- Kato, 10:46:50 03/23/03 Sun
She nodded a bit, her face showing her heartbroken state. He really wasn't going to be with her anymore, they weren't 'together'..... (NT) -- Cassie, 10:48:36 03/23/03 Sun
"I love you Cassie, so much, more then you'll ever know." His voice broke and he clear his throat, rubbing a hand over his eyes. (NT) -- Kato, 10:50:10 03/23/03 Sun
"Are...are we...over?" She questioned softly, looking young and unsure as she gazed up at him. (NT) -- Cassie, 10:51:32 03/23/03 Sun
He shook his head slightly, this was tearing him up inside. "I don't know Cass... I want to say no..." (NT) -- Kato, 10:52:41 03/23/03 Sun
"But your not going to..." She gathered that from his tone. Her arms crossed over herself, glancing towards the door as she heard Chas talking Kesi. (NT) -- Cassie, 10:53:38 03/23/03 Sun
"It's not just up to me, love..." Running his hand over his head, he sighed shakily. (NT) -- Kato, 10:54:44 03/23/03 Sun
"Maybe we just need some time..." She spoke softly. "Not forever...just.. a break." She pursed her lips. "You need to figure out whats really important to you..I can't keep going, laying awake till 3, wondering if your coming home..." (NT) -- Cassie, 10:56:34 03/23/03 Sun
He always came home, every night, but didn't bother mentioning the face and instead just nodded, gaze deeply pained. "I should go..." (NT) -- Kato, 10:59:18 03/23/03 Sun
She sighed, nodding a bit. "Fine...you should go say bye to Kesi first." (NT) -- Cassie, 11:00:13 03/23/03 Sun
He just gently touched her arm and then turned to leave her room - crouching down on the floor and just looking at his daughter, avoiding Chasity's gaze. "Bye, baby girl." He could barely managed a smile, defeat and heartbreak evident on his features. (NT) -- Kato, 11:02:32 03/23/03 Sun
Chasity sighed, turning away from the scene as Kesi asked Kato why and where he was going, her arms going 'round her fathers neck. She could already hear Cass crying in the other room - it was going to be a rough trip till these two worked something out. (NT) -- Cassie, 11:04:16 03/23/03 Sun
He struggled to explain, voice choked as he kissed her cheek and hugged her tightly and then gently removed her arms from his neck. "Go get Chasity to make you lunch, baby..." (NT) -- Kato, 11:07:42 03/23/03 Sun
The little girl was obviously confused, so Chas just went to her, picking her up. "C'mon baby, you can help me ok? Maybe we'll make mommy some cookies or something later..." That had her distracted enough for Chas to look at Kato, offering a sympathetic smile. (NT) -- Chas, 11:09:11 03/23/03 Sun
"Love you, Kesi." He touched Chas' back thankfully but couldn't even muster a smile, instead murmured a quiet thanks and then headed to the door. "Bye girls..." (NT) -- Kato, 11:10:30 03/23/03 Sun