PETA shuts down, holds BBQ -- Adilbrand Noblesword's Hall of Warriors

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Date Posted: 09:51:00 11/14/02 Thu
Author: theefool
Subject: PETA shuts down, holds BBQ

Tuesday, October 15, 2002

PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, today announced that they will be ending the good fight because it has all been in vain. Not only is this country eating more meat than ever, Coach, the makers of fine leather goods, plans on having a huge end of the year blowout which could completely set PETA back 15 years. This announcement was made over a stunning barbecue with slabs of beef ribs, succulent Midwest-style pork chops and an appearance by Rumpy, the dancing rump roast..
Bessy was unavailable for comment

"Although we have been making strides with companies like Burger King and McDonalds, the fact is that nobody really respects what we do. We have been accused of taking things a little too far. And really, now that I think about it, we have gone way over the line with most of our campaigns," stated spokesmen Joe Cruz. "After all, they're just mindless animals."

PETA has always been in the midst of controversy. From protesting at elementary schools with mock bullfights and blood, to trying to shut down religious functions. Many think that PETA needed to choose its fights a little better. Although most agree that their naked supermodel ads were very successful and helped bring attention to, uh...naked supermodels.

"All these years I have been helping the animals. Helping with their living conditions and trying to make sure that these animals are treated right and without brutality. I helped out with the Murder King campaign to ensure that animals had bigger cages and were kept in a more humane environment without being forced to produce," said Dianna Russi of San Francisco. "But in the meantime I missed out on the wonders of leather for all these years. Look at these gloves I picked up at Wilson's. Pleather has nothing on the real thing!"

PETA, who has always been good for a laugh with their "Got Beer?" ads and their copulating feline snuff videos, says the decision had been months in the making.

"We had meetings, conferences and then decided to have a vote amongst our members. The overwhelming majority of PETA members thought that we were more of a pain in the ass than a helping hand."

satire

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