PETA protest "turducken." Next year, Madden will eat protestors -- Adilbrand Noblesword's Hall of Warriors

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Date Posted: 02:26:32 11/28/02 Thu
Author: theefool
Subject: PETA protest "turducken." Next year, Madden will eat protestors

Original
Posted on Wed, Nov. 27, 2002

PETA's Madden-ing accusations are soy crazy
BY DON RUSSELL

This time, PETA - the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals - might've bitten off more than it can chew.

The veggie naggers are attacking one of America's fondest symbols of holiday excess: John Madden's Thanksgiving Turducken.

You know, a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken. Don't ask - it's a Southern thing.

Madden, in one of those great moments in sports history, pawed one apart during the Eagles-49ers telecast on "Monday Night Football." While the Birds had their way with the Niners, the ABC-TV announcer had his way with the birds.

Fingers dripping with fowl, Madden declared the Turducken "doggone good."

That sent the fur-huggers into a frenzy.

In a letter suggesting that the popular announcer was ready to keel over from a heart attack, PETA declared, "Kindhearted Philadelphia Eagles fans were appalled to see seriously overweight NFL announcer John Madden tear apart a Turducken with his bare hands...

"Thankfully, fans will be spared such 'maddening' disrespect for sentient beings during either of the two Thanksgiving Day matchups."

Ah yes, the group has helpfully shipped off "delicious Tofurky holiday feasts" with "tempeh drumettes" to the announcing crews at CBS and Fox who will be covering games in Detroit and Dallas.

Instead of giving the game MVPs "the legs of a bird raised and killed under cruel conditions, then dissected as a game-show prop," the group wants the announcers to celebrate with a slab of soy.

Adds PETA: "What NFL player wouldn't want to be rewarded with a healthy, delicious veggie drumstick, instead of the greasy tendons and fatty turkey skin he's had in the past?"

The vegetarians aren't worried about taking on the beloved Madden.

"He could profit from eating a few Tofurkys in place of Turducken," said PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich.

"It's the silliest thing I've ever heard of," said an ABC-TV spokesman. "What could they have against eating turkey? They're just going after him because he's just another [high-profil] person who's not a vegetarian."

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