Y kum'r tmuuu... -- The Middle of Nowhere

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Date Posted: 12:16:02 11/11/03 Tue
Author: Akartis
Subject: Y kum'r tmuuu...

I don't feel right.

Those words echoed in his head as the lanky male paced through dense, gloomy woods. Restless, almost nervous energy lanced through his emanciated frame, sending erratic ripples through thin, patchy fur. Nicked claws clicked against the occasional rock and plunged slightly into the rich, moist soil of his home, and an unpolished tailblade was carried as low as possible behind him without its razor-sharp edge touching the grassless earth.

Akartis didn't understand, and he cursed himself for it. His mate had never truly been the same as he... she held more anger, had a sharper temper, was braver and stronger... but for a while, he had thought that they were practically twins. The dregs of this lingering belief continued to cloud his vision, and he shook his narrow muzzle sharply as though to rid himself of past untruths. Ayrist was a creature whole unto herself; she needed no one to survive, and she needed no help from even him. It was the fact that she wanted to need him that mattered, and that she graciously accepted his pitiful attempts at advice when he tentatively offered them.

My eyes would be lying. And eyes are the keys to the soul.

Those burning violet orbs could not lie, he thought, only show the truth. Or maybe he couldn't see the forest for the trees, as he stalked through the dank jungle, and was missing something important. It would be like him, supposedly so perceptive and aware, to do such.

Was he a fool to be so concerned when, all the times before, his beloved mate had pulled herself up alone and went on? Was she crazy to be so independent, or were his senses failing him in that vital way... Not many things, of all he'd said and done in the past, had really taken effect in his mate's beautiful mind. Those that had could've been learned on her own, sooner or later, and Akartis knew his advice was superfluous at best, unwelcome at worst. Ayrist was a mature soul; she knew what she was doing, who she was, and what life was like. Even if she didn't like it.

Akartis sighed as he came to a small stream, the water nearly black due to shadows and grime, but he drank from it anyways. It was shockingly pure in taste, crisp and cold like liquid diamonds.

I am as I am... though it never seems enough.

Akartis settled to his haunches, hips and shoulders protruding bonily from his lean frame, hide stretching and revealing more scars marking his dust-cream pelt. Did she really know that he loved her for who she was, and not who she could be? He so often emphasized change, transformation, becoming better towards perfection... did she know that these ideals were applied only to himself? Did Ayrist know that Akartis loved her without regret, hesitation, or doubts?

Had he ever really told her that?

So much left to the imagination. He enjoyed playing mind-games like that, but he rarely did with his mate. She was too precious, too sacrosanct, too beautiful. That silence that he often let settle between them -- it was supposed to be comfortable, friendly... yet now he knew her thoughts were far from happiness that night. She hadn't said a word to him. Why?

Just because he trusted her with everything, told her everything, wanted to share everything with her... didn't mean that she would, or even should, reciprocate. He no longer wished she would; it was a limit, drawn in the air invisibly, that separated the best from perfection. He was the luckiest Korat alive as it was -- no reason to push it. And her anger was terrible, though rarely directed at him. He had no temper, no urge to real violence; but she did. He never wanted to trigger that, but at the same time, he refused to step lightly around her. He had always relaxed and said and done as he wished, and it had worked.

Or had it? Was he blind? There were secrets beating beneath that glossy ebon pelt that he didn't know existed, and it would be ridiculous to expect her to share them. Akartis was strange in his openness; it would likely get him killed someday, but he would live as he pleased until then.

The tan sighed, staring at his murky reflection in the shallow stream. Just a Korat... hardly attractive... with a unique mind and the most incredible mate. He had always said that only one soul in the universe understood him... but now, he was beginning to wonder if he understood even she who knew him best.

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