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Date Posted: 05:04:14 02/25/06 Sat
Author: Hap
Subject: How to count cows....

DEMOCRATIC:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you
voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your
neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?


SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with
milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to
sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks
the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATE:
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an
IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four
cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an
announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing
expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATE:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You
go to lunch. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATE:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel
on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at
cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATE:
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots
of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATE:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling
around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATE:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows
and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in
the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
you really have.


TALIBAN :
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk
them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

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