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Subject: Home again


Author:
Cricket
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Date Posted: 04:36:07 12/11/02 Wed

I am finally back at the Roost. It has been, what seems, a very long time, but is in reality, not long at all.
Perhaps the best homecoming gift, is this journal, which Indigo gave to me as soon as I was able to see straight.
She says, she found it in the piles of my belongings that she at last, got around to cleaning up. I cant even remember when I last had it. Its comforting somehow, to have it, and to write in it. I wish I could say the same about the entries..for I do not really enjoy reading them. It dredges up too many memories. Memories of things I thought I had forgotten, and very much want to.
I spent too much time in the mountains. I do not remember alot of it..and I am glad, that I did not have my journal then. I fear the things I may have written. Even now, it seems like just so much fogginess, those months I spent there. I believe I shall carry the weight and the guilt of Khaless for the remainder of my days.
He saved me, Khaless..like some black wraith out of the dark, when I was at my bloodiest. I will not write about those months here. I will not speak of them to anyone. Only Khaless knows, and that only if he still lives. I fear someday, that he will come back for retribution. I suppose I shall no less, deserve it. Still, would it not ease my empty heart to know he still lived? Yes..though I know I would not live long to enjoy it.
Perhaps if Indigo had not suffered from those who sought me, I would have stayed away..forever lived in the dark and twisted place of my mind..with only Khaless' glowing eyes to partake in. I doubt it would have lasted anyway..for those who sought me, would have eventually found me.
I took Indigo back..and she cares for me once again. It was necessary to leave her at the Roost alone for a long while, but she has suffered no more than she had before, and she was still, glad to see me return.
Duel had been seeking me..I soon put an end to his interest. I dare say, all he wanted was coin. He got none.
I soon began to find out, that others that sought me, were not so easily fixed. R'Auco for one. He was under the impression that I had lost my mind. He was right. There are days and nights of that time, that I do not recall at all, though I have faint memory of attacking R'Auco, and being carted off into the air. He dropped me yet again, at the monastary, and it would take Indigo, her beau Aloysius, and Khaless to get me out. The monks were ready to oust not only me, but Trevor as well, and it took a great deal of coin later on, to convince them otherwise. It is why I had to leave Khaless behind, cold as it was. I could not risk the impact it would have on my son.
So it would be, that at long last, things would settle down. The insanity waned somewhat..I became more lucid, and things have gotten better ever since. The voices still come, in whispers mostly..but I am able to keep abreast of them, and they have not as much power as they did before.
I took Indigo back to the Roost, and pursued that which had put the price on my head. The story of my trip to Wesin is a long one. I have just returned from that horrendous adventure. Perhaps I shall pen it the next time I write.
For now, I am weary, and sleep calls. Indigo has filled the roost with the smell of cinnamon, and the fire is warm.
I think it has been a long time, since I have been glad to come home.
Would it be that Ciro, and Majidah were here now..things would be better..but neither have I seen in a very long time.
Ciro finally did come back..and managed to convince me that he had not run off with Majidah. I believe him..I think. He has made a couple of appearances since then..but I believe the time of our life together is over..and although I will forever have him in what is left of my heart..I am not sure I can love him, or him me anymore. He will forever be the wandering rogue.
Majidah..well..I have searched as I went on my trips..I have exhausted every effort to find her. There simply is no trace. The trail was a year old before I found it.
I dream of her, and I think of her daily. Fact is, she has probably died on the side of a road somewhere..but my feelings tell me she is alive. Somewhere. Perhaps someday, I shall find her again. Gods I miss her. If I had one wish before the last day I breathe..it would be to see her dark frowning face again.
I shall write again on the morrow if the quill finds my hand.
~Cricket~

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