The Traveler -- Crickets Journal

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Subject: The Traveler

Author:
Cricket

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Date Posted: 03:02:08 12/20/02 Fri

The time promised, had passed..and I foolishly thought over the last year, that it would never come.
It did though..out of the cold wind on the docks. He was simply there, and demanded him back. I have no words to describe the drop of my stomach.
I knew when Trevor was born, that I could not deny him his birthright..but I also knew, that giving him up was going to be nearly impossible. His home has become the peace and quiet of the monastary, and his family the monks and teachers. I have not seen him in almost a year..and yet I am comforted by the fact that he is well, and safe. ..or at least I was. I plan on leaving this morning to go and get him.
The Traveler says it is time..and has made me see, that there are worse things than giving him up to his father.
I know it is what must be done..but at the same time..I cannot seem to force myself to do it. Trevor is mine..he is my son..my blood..part of Me. How can I hand him over to the arms of what is a stranger to him? He is happy with his books and his toys, and his quiet little room. ..He will be scared I fear..and if he cries..I shall not be able to go through with it.
I had though I might bring him back to the Roost, or move him into our new cottage..but I do not think either is wise. I will simply go to the monastary..hold him in my arms..and if the moment comes..I will be the one to hand him over. I must be there..I must be assured.
Gods I wish so desperately that Majidah were here. She has not seen him in two years..and she would be suprised at how big he has gotten. I so much wanted her to be able to teach him to swim. I suppose that is not going to happen now..and that the only pools my son will see from here on out..are those of brimstone.
..how can I do this? How can I make my arms give him over? I dont think I can. No matter how much the logic presents itself as right and just..I do not think that I can do it.
It is as if I were asked to cut off my arms and give them over to a peddler. It certainly would hurt no less.
Whatever happens..I will be the one to decide it.
Not The Traveler..and not his Sire. Not Majidah or Indigo. It will be me, that carries this weight..for he is my son.
Gods help me.
~Cricket~

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