Falwell was right -- Final End

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Date Posted: 01:01:47 01/03/04 Sat
Author: Drummond
Subject: Falwell was right

Falwell was right.

Tinky Winky is gay. Or at least "metrosexual."

My kid is in the early months of his third year of life. Even more than Sesame Street, or Between the Lions, he loves the Teletubbies. If you're fortunate to be in the room with him at the beginning of the show you will be treated to one of his "biiig hugs." And he dances to the music, grinning ear to ear. He yells when the kid in the sun yells. I'm not knocking it. I'm just thankful that he hasn't taken an interest in the purple lizard.

Teletubbies has a gentle theme. All about getting along, and enjoying the simple things in life. Plus, it's about the most psychedelic of children's programs since H.R. Puffinstuff. The Teletubbies live sort of a utopian communal life, in a technologically advanced subterranean home suspiciously resembling the energy conscious architectural propositions of the environmental crowd during the 1970s. Above them is a pristine grass pasture, where rabbits frolic without apparent fear of predators, quadrupedal or bipedal. I wonder why I haven't seen more substantive right wing critiques, since the four citizens of this particular society live lives run by computers and robots, free of the profit motive and thus without initiative to improve their lot. In fact, even my socialistic wife Jana objects to the message whenever the Teletubbies make a mess that is cleaned up by their sentient guardian robot vacuum cleaner named "Nunu." All the needs are taken care of, the prehistory of man (or Teletubbydom anyway) has concluded, and they are free to create and live an unalienated existence in which they benefit from the fruit of their labors, or would if they had any labors.

But you'd have to actually watch an episode or two to draw any dystopian conclusions. The only rightward lamentations to make news came from an individual who admitted that he had never viewed so much as a minute of the show before making comments that would be outdone only by his blaming of the 9/11 acts on homosexuals, the ACLU, and liberals. Rumors of Tinky Winky's forbidden love crawled across the Atlantic from Britain to Lynchburg, Virginia where the offbeat granddaddy of religious right televangelists Jerry Falwell caught whiff of them and published a tirade about the indoctrination of 2-year-olds into the "homosexual lifestyle." See, Tinky Winky is one of two male Teletubbies. He's purple, and purple is gay, right? The antenna on his head is an upside down purple triangle, a symbol of gay pride worn in defiance of the mark forced on homosexuals by Nazis during their rule of Germany (Okay, the triangles were pink, but that's a mere technicality of trivial concern. We're talking about the conversion of two year olds to homosexuality!). His voice, unlike the other tubbies, is adult sounding, that of an effeminate male. And he carries a purse. A magic purse, but a purse nevertheless!

In case you haven't watched an episode, the four Teletubbies are Tinky Winky, the green male Dipsy, the yellow female Lala, and the tiny red female Po. I am unaware of any claims that either of the females is lesbian, although Po does seem a bit butch, always outperforming the others physically. She runs the fastest. She makes the largest snowball. She makes the largest mess for Nunu's attentions (To my knowledge, Nunu is asexual).

One of our video's contains a telltale skit, and if Tinky Winky wasn't outed before, well, you decide for yourself. The skit starts out with Po emerging from their abode with a tutu. She dances in the grass with the dress, until Tinky Winky approaches her. "My turn," he says. Being communists they know how to share, so Po gives TW the dress in return for a "big hug." Tinky Winky then dances with dress on. Okay, so maybe the Teletubbies are non-sexual? Maybe it's simply political correctness at work; a BBC/PBS attempt to convince two year olds that sexuality is a social construction, and that TW is simply liberating himself from the constrictions of the male image governed by the patriarchic paradigm? Well, after TW has danced a few minutes, the female Lala comes along. She wants her turn, but TW is reluctant to give up the dress. Apparently, the Teletubby social order excuses bourgeois selfish behavior when it is an expression politically correct sexual identity. He pretends to try to take it off, then feigns a fall to the ground. The Big Brother narrator says, "Come on Tinky Winky. Lala's turn." And Lala says "Lala's turn." And reluctantly, TW parts with the dress.

Lala then goes off and dances on her own. She is much more graceful than Po, in a truly effeminately elegant expression, excusable naturally because her feminine quality is presented independently of sexually marginalizing objective factors. Because she lives in utopia, she is no longer contributing to the oppression of women (or primary color Teletubbies), and besides, she has chosen her sexual expression, independent of the socialization of a patriarchy.

She sees Dipsy over the next hill. "Dipsy's turn" she exclaims. "Uh oh" he says, and runs away. Lala chases after him dress in hand, and follows him into their abode. Silence. The metallic door slides open, and there is defeated Dipsy, dress on. Dipsy performs a perfunctory dance, and the dress falls off. "Oh well" Dipsy says and shrugs his shoulders, then runs off. Kid in the sun laughing. Shot of rabbits. On to the next skit.

But now there's a problem. With Dipsy, the structure of the utopian vision has collapsed. He is still the victim of a self-image imposed by a capitalist patriarchy. What could Falwell conclude, but that the Teletubbies does not present a utopian vision, but really Teletubbyland is about identity politics, sexual variety. You've got a purple effeminate gay man, and a clearly repressed heterosexual breeder (what promises did Lala make to get the dress on him?). Falwell got a bad rap. I mean, unlike Falwell, I really don't care, but all satire aside, TW isn't just gay, he's a flaming queen, at least when juxtaposed with Dipsy.

All this seems lost on Asher, my son. But as it happens, he generated his own critique with the episode we watched this morning. The Teletubbies were building a snowman. After each Teletubby contributed his or her snowball, they dressed it up. The face consisted of eyes and a mouth.

My son looks at me. "Nose?" He's pretty easy going, but he can get excited if something is out of place for him. I can't sit down on the opposite side of the table to make it easier for guests. I have to sit in my regular seat. It's what he's used to. A Christmas tree ornament falls off one night, and I hang it on a lamp. He gets up in the morning, points, and says, "No!! Tree!!" Everything in its place.

So he's very animated about the nose. The only other time I've seen him this upset over a video is the scene in Mary Poppins where the crazy old coot of an admiral starts shooting his canon at the chimney sweep dancers and Mary Poppins. "No. Poppins!!" he has yelled, apparently concerned for her safety.

The Teletubbies finish up, no nose. "Nose!!" he says, and gets on his feet. The Teletubbies start dancing. "No!! Stop!! No!! Nose!!" He waves his arms at the Teletubbies, but they don't stop dancing. He looks at me, but I have to shrug my shoulders and explain to him that I simply don't have any way to make them stop. He sits down, resigned to their mistake.

Sad that he should be disillusioned at his age, but great preparation for life of an American citizen with progressive politics.

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