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Subject: All true .... Author: Jon [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 10:58:36 04/02/03 Wed >>>>>This explains an awful lot............. >>>>> >>>>> >>>>>"How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard >>>>>night drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As >>>>>hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey >>>>>from the pub to your house. >>>>> >>>>>The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter. The >>>>>Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased >>>>>to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has >>>>>acquired a large fleet of these magical devices. >>>>> >>>>>The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:- >>>>> >>>>>The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the >>>>>"slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one >>>>>of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends >>>>>down a winged Beer Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger >>>>>and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans Dimensional >>>>>Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the >>>>>passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. >>>>> >>>>>This answers the second question after a night out: 'How did I >>>>>spend so much money?' >>>>> >>>>>Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are >>>>>thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI's >>>>>(Unidentified Drinking Injuries). >>>>> >>>>>An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction >>>>>of time segments during the trip. The nature of >>>>>Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, >>>>>seemingly unaccounted for. >>>>> >>>>>This answers a third question after a night out: 'What the hell >>>>>happened?' >>>>> >>>>>With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of >>>>>Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically >>>>>removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted >>>>>most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the >>>>>REMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained in >>>>>discussions over a period of time. >>>>> >>>>>Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often >>>>>cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus >>>>>sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific >>>>>consequences. Beer Goggles have also been known to cause the >>>>>OMOS (Over-rating Members of the Opposite Sex) syndrome. >>>>> >>>>>With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment >>>>>in a scooter drive-thru chain specializing in half eaten kebabs >>>>>and pizza crusts. Another question answered!! >>>>> >>>>>For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers >>>>>picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent >>>>>Pending). These boots are designed in such a way that no matter >>>>>how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up >>>>>your other half. >>>>> >>>>>Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every >>>>>wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance >>>>>System) explains the bruised shins. >>>>> >>>>>The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters >>>>>is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one >>>>>person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a >>>>>single night. >>>>> >>>>>PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to >>>>>comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, >>>>>wearing just a T-shirt. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Subject Author Date I'm sure there's a more scientific explanation... Lobi1 08:03:56 04/03/03 Thu