| Subject: More private talk |
Author:
Eremis
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Date Posted: 08:59:01 08/23/02 Fri
Eremis shrugged when Tristan told him he'd never be ready to kick his drug habit. He believed otherwise, but had a feeling he'd only be wasting his breath if he continued to try and convince the dragon of that. Right now he simply lacked the courage to deal with the awful pain of withdrawal, that's all. Living in Bizmar was toughening him up more and more, and that's what led him to believe he would soon possess enough guts to tackle ANY problem, no matter how much pain was involved!
"I love you in my own way, Remy," Tristan said, leaning forward to look into his eyes. "I always have."
The healer almost laughed; the long night and massive amount of drugs in his system making him a little giddy all of a sudden. Everyone loves me in one way or another, but it's never the RIGHT way. Maybe it was time he accepted the fact that he wasn't the type of person someone could fall in love with. Obviously, no one wanted to lose their heart to a sensitive guy whose main attribute was cowardliness!
"I had no idea about your feelings for me," Tristan said, while reaching up to brush a strand of hair from his face.
Eremis swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat then frowned. "I didn't know the extent of my feelings for you until we kissed, Tristan," he admitted. "I always felt a special bond with you but thought it was just a part of the close friendship that had developed between us. I started to think there was something very wrong with me when I began to wonder what it would be like to hold you in my arms and kiss you, so I buried those feelings as deep as I could possibly bury them."
A wistful smile crossed his face before he inhaled more of the drugged smoke into his lungs. "I was so raking naive back then. Well…I'm not much better now, but I HAVE learned a few things. These past few weeks have given me a eye-opening education."
He rested a hand on Tristan's thigh and squeezed it lightly, no longer shy about sharing such an intimate touch with the friend he now knew he loved with all his heart. "When I saw you and Marz together later, I thought that could have been US, especially after I found out you once had a crush on me. If only I knew earlier that it was okay to love another man! I guess that WE just weren't meant to be, Tristan. Marz is your true soulmate and I'm glad you found one another."
A chuckle escaped him when the dragon grabbed the cigarette from his hand. His tired eyes stared at his friend while he took a drag, and suddenly he had to fight off the urge to kiss him again. Deep down in the dark recesses of his drug-infested mind, Eremis knew that Marz might kill him if he realized just how much he truly desired his soulmate. The ex-gang leader didn't have a damn thing to worry about though, because it was obvious that Tristan's heart belonged to him alone. If Marz couldn't see that then he was a real idiot! Eremis wasn’t the type to try to come between the happy pair anyway. His love for Tristan would remain forever hidden from the rest of the world. Only the dragon knew how he truly felt and that was all that mattered. After a while they would forget about the brief intimacy they shared tonight, and would return to being only close friends because no matter how much it hurt, Eremis accepted the fact that that was all they could ever be.
After Tristan passed him the cigarette back he took hold of the dragon's hand, raised it to his mouth, and kissed it in lieu of the lips he desperately wanted pressed again his own again. "Cas has become a very good friend," he said, holding the dragon's hand to his cheek as he spoke. The physical contact intensified the painful longing he felt. Soon you'll be gone, and we'll never get to share another special moment like this again.
He blinked away the tears that flooded in his eyes without warning then tried to remember what he was talking about before he was overcome with emotion. Cas "I met Cas at Sebastian's Brothel right after I started working there." Knowing that Tristan knew he sold his body nowadays was still a little embarrassing. "We didn't hit it off too well at first, but we've grown a lot closer since then. We're as different as night and day though, so that makes for a VERY stormy relationship at times."
Eremis grinned then kissed Tristan's hand again. "YOU know how those stormy relationships are," he laughed, remembering all the times he saw Marz and Tristan arguing about something. He took another hit off the cigarette then grew serious again. "One of Tegol's mercenaries brutally raped me then another one promised to protect me from getting abused again if I gave myself to him."
The awful memories were a little easier to talk about when he was high. "I thought that everyone at the tavern had been murdered, and knew that Tegol's men were on their way to ambush you in Neromba. That was really a bad time for me. I had no one to turn to that I could really trust until Cas came along. His friendship is what stopped me from killing myself. Suicide crossed my mind at least once an hour a few weeks ago."
He held the cigarette to Tristan's mouth. After his friend took a drag, Eremis flicked the butt off the roof. Without thinking, he wrapped an arm around the dragon's waist and drew him closer before laying his head down on his shoulder. "Cas renewed my love of drawing, and convinced me that I could become an artist. I'm gonna start working on an oil painting of him soon. He wants me to stop the drugs and whoring, and go off adventuring with him as soon as he finishes his sword lessons and we have enough money saved to make a new start. Cas is going to help put me back together Tris, so you can stop worrying about that."
Eremis lifted his head then ran a fingertip along Tristan's cheek while gazing into his eyes. "Will you pose for me someday? Since I can't have the real you, I'd like to have a painting of you at least."
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