| Subject: Morning it is, then |
Author:
Tristan
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Date Posted: 00:50:56 09/02/02 Mon
In reply to:
Marz
's message, "Calling it a night sounds good" on 11:36:04 08/31/02 Sat
Tristan closed his eyes again and sighed quietly when he felt Marz settle down on the mattress beside him, his lover’s knee brushing against his bare shoulder. The fingers gently combing through his hair brought a little smile to his face, even though he was supposed to be feeling depressed. Damn it, he realized, desperately trying to smother another tear with his pillow, I AM depressed! What the hell’s the matter with me?
He rarely got depressed these days, not since he’d met Marz. He never had to face his loneliness anymore, and being in love—really, truly in love this time—tended to give him a more carefree attitude about the world. After all, why should he care what anybody else thought about him anymore? Marz loved him, and would always love him, no matter what.
But he guessed being in love didn’t make life as peachy as he thought it had. Or maybe you just never GOT over being depressed. Please, he thought, biting his lip while still hiding his face, Go away! Marz is my drug now. I don’t need to run away from these feelings anymore!
Amazingly, it seemed to work. Marz’s voice was so soothing, and his touch so sweet, that Tristan began to get himself under control again. This had all been a big misunderstanding, anyway. He didn’t have to worry about their relationship at all. They were fine. Maybe they didn’t communicate as often as they should (especially about matters of intimacy, since Tristan was usually too shy to broach such topics), but hell, they were still pretty young. And they had plenty of years to learn and grow on one another, too. So the list, the argument, the lack of romance…it was no big deal as far as the big picture was concerned. It was something they could always work on later, together, if he had the guts enough to actually pursue it, anyway.
No, Eremis was the problem. He kept hearing his friend, over and over again, in his head, saying he couldn’t stand to see him and Marz together because it hurt too much. Therefore, he was pretty shocked when he heard his lover assure him that the healer was in good hands; namely, Cas’s. Cas? But what did he have to do with anything?
For a minute, he stopped paying attention to what was being said, his mind once again returning to the evening’s previous revelation. Tears flooded his eyes again when he remembered how his heart lurched the first time he’d laid eyes on Eremis tonight. He felt Marz’s hand obligingly start to kneed the sudden tension in his back, his mind agonizing over the truth once again. Why couldn’t the healer have fallen for someone who could actually help him? Even if Tristan had been free to return his love, he’d have spent half his time just trying to avoid his own recovering addiction. Eremis needed someone stronger than that, somebody who hated drugs the way Marz did.
He lifted his head slightly and blinked, thinking he’d heard something wrong. “…there’s a lot more than friendship going on between those two…” Marz’s voice replayed itself a couple times in his head before the actual meaning finally sunk in. What? Who? Eremis and Cas? More than friends? Was he out of his mind? How could the healer profess to having feelings for Tristan if he were drawing what sounded like racy sketches of his roommate?
Hello! he almost shouted aloud, bobbing himself mentally in the forehead. Remember? Love and lust! NOT the same thing, according to Marz. And while his lover did like to pretend he knew everything there was to know about sex, Tristan was often inclined to simply give in to his supposed vast knowledge on the subject. After all, only one of them had been a virgin coming into this relationship, and it sure as hell hadn’t been Marz.
Huh. So sweet little Eremis had a thing going with the horny-headed kid. Tristan didn’t have time to frown over the idea, since Marz surprised him next by suggesting they spend tomorrow night together—that is, completely alone. He froze, his mind already entertaining half-formed images of he and his lover walking hand in hand down a deserted beach, the sun just beginning to set. Before that, they’d have dinner, and, although he was now positive he absolutely SUCKED at this whole conversation thing, they could still have a good time.
“Really?” he asked, almost breathlessly, his eyes dry now as he stared down at his lover. Marz nodded and nipped playfully at his nose again, causing a real smile to finally bloom its way onto Tristan’s face. He surprised the ex-gang leader by throwing his arms around his neck and planting a deep kiss on his lips, his excitement momentarily blacking out his depression over Eremis.
“You’re my favorite person in the whole world,” he purred, pausing just enough to speak before pressing their mouths together again. His sudden burst of passion probably took Marz a touch off guard, but the ex-gang leader didn’t let his shock stop him for long. Besides, Tristan had slowly been growing aware of how incredibly erotic it felt to lie naked on top of his still fully-clothed lover. Once Marz sense how turned on he’d become, he turned into the world’s worst tease, refusing to remove an inch of clothing while taunting his lover by bringing him to the brink of fulfillment over and over again. But their love and urgency for one another eventually caught up with both of them, and they began to make love, their passion for one another lasting long into the night.
Marz was still lying half on top of him when he opened his eyes again the next morning. His lover’s breathing was soft and even, the air puffing quietly out of his nose and half-parted lips tickling against the skin of Tristan’s neck.
“Morning,” Tristan murmured, brushing his fingers against his cheek to wake him. The ex-gang leader’s eyes fluttered open, and he smiled lazily, their lips coming together in a soft kiss. They held one another and whispered silly things into each other’s ear for a while, the slowly creeping sun outside their window for once not enough to urge them immediately out of bed.
After a few more minutes had passed, Tristan finally began to go over last night again, though his mood fortunately remained light. “I have to tell you something,” he eventually began, holding Marz’s eyes steadily with his own as they lay side by side.
“Hmm?” his lover asked, his heart obviously not set on conversation at the moment as his hands moved slowly over Tristan’s body, sending delicate little shivers up his spine.
“About last night,” he continued, catching Marz’s wayward fingers in his own. “I just wanted to…”
But something inside him balked. I can’t keep secrets from him, though, he argued with himself, his hands unconsciously clenching his lover’s. He knew he should tell Marz about Eremis. He even wanted to. Only Eremis told me all that, knowing I couldn’t return his feelings, he realized suddenly. If I can keep his pain just between us then I’ll do it, for as long as possible. Besides, if Marz ever did find out, he’d probably forbid him from ever visiting his friend again, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to disobey his lover’s direct order.
In the end, he guessed there were some things even soulmates didn’t share.
“…to thank you,” he amended, bringing each of Marz’s hands to his lips. “For not running out on me, I guess. I really do cherish every second of each minute we’re together, no matter what we happen to be doing at the time. I’m sorry if I upset you and made you think otherwise.”
He smiled, softening his apology. “I suppose we should get dressed and go see about moving into our new house, huh?” he added, his eyes glittering mischievously. He sealed the suggestion with yet another kiss, his mouth still hungry against his lover’s, as if they hadn’t spent the night lying passion-spent in one another’s arms.
“I love making up,” he whispered against Marz's lips, a grin tugging at his own mouth. “Don’t you?”
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