Re: Please help me and my kids -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Wednesday, April 15, 10:53:20

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Subject: Re: Please help me and my kids

Author:
Pat

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Date Posted: 03/30/10 11:19am
In reply to: Terrah 's message, "Please help me and my kids" on 03/27/10 6:34am

Hello, Terrah,

Yes, your husband is a first class jerk. But let me ask you this: who is to blame for his behavior? Your husband, or your baby? If your husband is to blame, why punish your baby by this kind of gruesome harm? I don't blame you for not wanting another child involved, but he already is! He's real, and he's here. He IS involved! The question is what you are going to do about it. Will you protect your baby, or will you allow the harm your husband is doing to harm your baby, too? You are the only one who can protect your baby, and he is depending on you for your protection. For him, it's life or death.

It sounds like your husband wants to blame everyone but himself. He broke his vows; you didn't. He is to blame. Not you, and not your children, including this little one. If you did put him down (and I'm not saying you did; chances are, it's all in his mind; been there, done that), he isn't right to go cheat on you. He is to blame for that. Cheating on you is not the right remedy for being put down.

There is help available to meet your needs and to figure out the best legal solution. Since he clearly violated his vows, and he has a child by another woman, you don't owe him anything. You especially don't owe it to him to take him back. It is important to forgive him, but that does not mean you HAVE to take him back. Clearly, he needs to show that he has repudiated this other liaison, and he's given every indication he won't do this. So see what your legal remedies are, and let him worry about his other child.

As for your being sick, the best remedy I know is to sip ginger tea or ginger ale (with real sugar).

To find an organization near you that can help you with the difficulties you face, please go to this web site:

pregnancycenters.org.

If you are not in the United States, let us know and we'll give you a different address.

Hang in there. You have children who need you. Take one day at a time. We will pray for you. Please don't yield to the temptation to harm yourself or anyone else. Please come back and let us know how you are doing. We love you.

Hugs,
Pat

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Re: Please help me and my kids

Author:
Shellie
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Date Posted: 03/30/10 1:04pm

Hi Terrah,

Wow, this guy has put you through a lot! I couldn't agree with Tracey more, removing this guy from your life will do wonders for you! I know that is easier said than done, but it is doable! What he is doing to you is not love. If he hadn't been doing this yo-yo relationship thing with you, you would have been able to move on and possibly find a healthy relationship with someone else. And trust me, there are plenty of guys out there who are capable of loving you AND your children, including the one growing in your womb right now.

Because you said you know abortion is wrong, I'm going to be frank with you. Let's say that someone was plotting to kill one of your born children, but were struggling with it...then talking himself into it by acknowledging that God would forgive them. But Terrah, the end result would still be a child killed. You wouldn't want this for your born children, and you don't want it for your unborn child. By what you've said in your post, it's clear that you'd carry a lot of guilt if you aborted. This isn't something you can just shrug off.

I hope with all my heart that you will choose to dig deep inside yourself (and pray for more strength) for the courage to keep your children and rid yourself of this man who is destroying your chance for happiness. How can you find Mr. Right if you're investing your time in Mr. Wrong? Your ex needs to be supporting his children financially. The weight of the world should not rest solely on your shoulders. Have you looked into going after him for child support?

I'd love to talk with you more. Please post as often as you want. We're here to listen!

Take care,

Shellie