Re: First pregnancy -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: First pregnancy

Author:
Heather

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Date Posted: 07/ 9/06 9:51pm
In reply to: Jacqueline 's message, "First pregnancy" on 07/ 9/06 8:50pm

Hi Jacqueline,

I just posted on your other thread but wanted to add briefly that if finances are the main thing troubling your boyfriend and you, don't worry about those! Many women like myself can testify that a baby can be brought into the world and cared for in a very healthy fashion without a whole lot of money. Especially if you breastfeed - no formula and bottle expenses.

Pregnancy Resource Centers/Crisis Pregnancy Centers offer all kinds of neat baby clothes, furniture, baby backpacks, etc totally free and in great condition. They also have a lot of other benefits and resources, and all of their services are free. Some centers even offer free ultrasounds. You can find the nearest one to you by googling Pregnancy Resource Centers and entering your city/state, or look in your phonebook under abortion alternatives.

With how bonded you already seem to your little one I'd hate to see you go through with the abortion. In educating yourself about abortion and alternatives make sure to look into P.A.S.S (Post Abortion Stress Syndrome.) Likely candidates for experiencing problems after an abortion are those that went into the abortion with mixed feelings and a desire to keep the baby.

You might also check out the website afterabortion.com to listen to how many women process the abortion choice. It might help your boyfriend to understand your mixed feelings, too.

Your protective instincts are already a step in the right direction of being a great mother. I'm only 6 years older than you and I have four children (two of which were totally unplanned but absolutely the hugest blessings of joy to us.)

Happy Birthday! I hope this next year of your life is one filled with grace and beauty.

Heather

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Re: First pregnancy

Author:
Tracey
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Date Posted: 07/10/06 4:47am

Jacqueline~
First, I want to welcome you to our board! We're SO glad you found us! You have found a safe and supportive place here. I know right now you are scared and probably have a thousand different thoughts and emotions running through your head. But please remember, you are not alone! We are here to guide and help you. As far as your situation goes, this is a tough one, but not totally impossible. You are dealing with alot of stress and emotions right now and I think you're thinking that an abortion would just make it all go away. Unfortunately, that's usually not the case...abortion only robs women of their happiness and their chance of ever knowing their child. I think it's no mistake you found us...you are planning an abortion and if you were totally at peace with this decision, I don't think you'd be seeking advice. But something's telling you to find out more, seek help, get advice. I know you feel like this situation is hopeless, but I'm here to tell you it's not...so many women have careers or go to school and still continue in their pregnancies and have their babies! You sound like a strong woman who has goals and dreams and I truly don't think a baby's going to put and end to these dreams. My mother had three children and went to college while pregnant with me. She graduated and now has her Master's degree. She was able to create a loving, healthy, and happy environment for my brothers and I, as well as make her own dreams come true! You CAN do this, Jacqueline! You just have to set your mind toward your goal and be willing to seek help along the way. You are here and that's a big step! You're doing your research and asking for advice! That shows you already truly care about this little one! Jacqueline, we truly want to help you and I hope you will give us the opportunity to do so. We hope to hear back from you! In the meantime, I will be praying for you and your boyfriend. Please keep us posted! If you need extra guidance, please let us know! We can help you locate a pregnancy center in your area that can offer you guidance and support as well. Listen to your heart...you are already a mother...now it's just time to decide which path you want to go.
God bless,
Tracey

[> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy

Author:
Jacqueline
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Date Posted: 07/10/06 1:31pm

First of all i just want to say you guys are all very nice and im happy i found this place. I should mention im from canada i live in montreal. We have free health care free doctors appointments free ultra sounds free birth and delivery....wow i sound selfish dont I. I just have standards i know i sound like a snob..im just trying to be honest here...I could never accept hand outs or go on welfare or anything like that...i know that sounds terrible and i have nothing against people who do. My mother went on welfare when she had me..my father left her when she was pregnant and ive never met him ...im also an only child..I grew up all alone. while my mother worked i stayed with baby sitters or my grandmother..it was awful a lot of the time. Now we live in a house, my mothyer finally met a nice man about 14 years ago and we live altogether. My point is i dont want to have children the way my mother did. I want to know the baby will be supported by myself or the father not by anyone else its really important for me to bring a child into a home where there are two parents that love each other and tere is no problems. Can anyone understand that or am i just a selfish bitch?? i actually looked at maternity clothes today lol i dont know why....also its not fair to my boyfriend hes not ready..i know its my body and my choice but its his also and its not fair. anyways its my birthday today not much of a birthday though...im going out for dinner tonight with my parents and my boyfriend its the first dinner ever we all had and i just told my parents yesterday...how weird!!! I know im going to regret this abortion i know im going to be depressed i know its going to kill me but what choice do i have..i dont want to be a single mother i absolutely 100 percent am oposed to that and i dont think my relatioship with my boyfriend domenic would survive a child this early in our relationship its only be 7 months...i havent even met his family yet...only once and that was new years...visit number two ..hi im having your sons child..??? i cant!! I just cant..my spirit will be dead but i gusess that the price i pay for having unprotected sex.....and for those who asked...my doctors appointment is July 19th not for the abortion but just to see mny doctor to tell him thats what i want to do and my doctor will take care of everything after that..make the appt for me and stuff....pray i win the lottery ticket i got for my birthday!! haha im just kidding..ok im really tired im goingto rest before dinner ... :)

[> [> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy

Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 07/11/06 6:53pm

Hi Jacequeline,

"I know im going to regret this abortion i know im going to be depressed i know its going to kill me but what choice do i have...."

You have a choice not to have the abortion, with two choices springing from that one - to keep the baby yourself and work it into your life or place the baby with another family that is waiting with open arms to love and care for a baby.

No one said either of these are easy choices, but they are choices. Abortion is a hard choice, too. And it kills another human being.

"i dont want to be a single mother i absolutely 100 percent am oposed to that....."

It's not selfish to feel that way at all. Single motherhood is not the ideal and not how it was designed to be. This is even evidenced in nature. But it happens, especially with sex outside of the design of marriage. There are many ways to redeem the situation. Many things don't go as they should but can be navigated by grace to be something of great value all the same.

Your instincts are good, both the ones that give you a sense of bonding and nurturing towards the little person growing in you and the ones to not make them live with single motherhood.

But while single motherhood is not the ideal, would you have preferred that your mother made the choice of killing you before you were born to spare you from it?

Keep an open mind, you're not trapped. You don't have to have the abortion if you don't want to do it. There's a hope, love, and respect found in the other choices that's not there in abortion. Abortion is only death, and the emptiness and death that you feel afterwards may not be as easily traversed as you might think.

Before your appointment, make sure you respect yourself by getting informed about abortionh procedures, side-effects, abortion stories from women in all walks of life, and fetal development.

Here's the link to a great photo of a human fetus just 6 weeks from conception:

http://www.virginiapregnancy.org/fetal_slides/fet_devpix04.gif

That's great that you Canadians get all the free healthcare and perks. The US should learn from that model.

Wishing you peace and grace,

Heather