Re: First pregnancy(no one understands) -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: First pregnancy(no one understands)

Author:
Rachel O

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Date Posted: 07/16/06 8:37am
In reply to: Jacqueline 's message, "Re: First pregnancy(no one understands)" on 07/15/06 5:55am

hi there,

i went thru the very same thing as you - and it was a very hard 9 months. my sig. other wasn't with me on the decision to parent until he saw the baby.

if you want my advice -the best decisions are made from love - not fear or money.

your baby chose you - and needs you. get all the rest and good food you can - and try to make new friends if the old ones are negative,

this too, shall pass - these are words i now live by. god bless you and good luck.

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[> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy(no one understands)

Author:
Sharon
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Date Posted: 07/16/06 12:44pm

Jacqueline,

Wow...from this latest post of yours, I think your boyfriend sounds like a very sensitive soul. I know that in the ealier posts you mention that he wants (or wanted) you to abort, but the fact that he 1) cried, and 2) he said exactly what was on his heart ("I don't think I'm ready for this" - BTW, I loved your honest answer back to him - perfect), and that he simply held you for a long time...all of those things tell me that IF he's not going to support you wholeheartedly right now, he will almost undoubtedly come around to supporting you AND his precious child when a little time passes and, as some of the other posters mentioned, the baby becomes more concrete to him. That's not to say he might not lean on you initially to abort - he might. But, stand strong, even it if means distancing yourself from him temporarily. I truly believe he sounds like one who will come around. And, like one of the other posters mentioned, he will be GRATEFUL to you one day when he sees and holds his little one.

Rarely do ANY of us feel ready for a pregnancy. In fact, even in cases where a pregnancy was PLANNED, sometimes the parents have ambivalent feelings. It's a big step. It's an important milestone in our lives. (Nine months gives us LOTS of time to get used to the idea ;-)

BTW, you might want to invite him to post to this board. We occasionally have men post and we talk with them and help them process through their feelings. (This is one of the most awesome collections of women I know - the women who post to this board: Shelly, Tracy, Pat, Luka, Rachel O, Heather, Melanie...you have found an incredible source of support, wisdom, and advice. I agree with one of the other posters, it's evidence of God's grace in your life that you stumbled across this board ;-)

God bless you...and your little one...and Dom ;-)

Sharon

[> [> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy

Author:
Jacqueline
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Date Posted: 07/16/06 1:38pm

Dom just called me and told me that he cant speak to me or see me today that he needs to think and that he will talk to me tomorrow. Im scared i dont want to loose him. I just want things to go back how they used to be where our biggest problem was where we were going to eat dinner that night. I have to go for dinner in 2 hours for my cousin and i's birthday...i hope i can keep it together. Please pray for us.

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy

Author:
luka
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Date Posted: 07/17/06 5:12pm

Jaquline it may not be as bad as you're worried it is. He is only saying he needs a day to get his head around all of what you have just told him which is pretty reasonable actually. What i am saying as just as you are preparing yourself for the worst you should also keep in mind the possiblity that he may decide to stand by you and even if he doesn't there is still the very distinct possiblity that he will come around at the very latest when he see's his newborn child. Your breath will be taken away when you see your little baby for the first time. They are so small and delicate and perfect. Oh and their first gummy lilttle smiles can seriously melt the hardest of hearts. All of this and more you have to look forward to :)
I think it's beautiful that you were able to write your boyfriend a letter because that way he is able to read what's in your heart without interuptions from either of you. He will have a chance to take it all in and read it over if he needs to. I am feeling very hopeful about your situation. I envy the response you recieved from your babys father compared to mine he sounds like he might be an ok sort of guy. Mine begged and screamed and cried (not in sympathy) for me to not do this to him , then told he flat out 'i don't want 'it', get rid of 'it'. Later he threatened me and abused verbally in front of our children and a bunch of others. Fortunatelty and unfortunately i have experienced enough drama in my life to realise that this will all blow over and there are better days ahead. I don't pretend that i will ever trust my babys father again or will ever see him the same way or that we will ever be anything other than parents to our children. But i do know that this baby is a blessing and he or she is here for many reasons. One of which i am allready incredibly greatful for, which is that i am finally free of the shackles of my past attachment to a man who i at last realise has little regard for me. I am so greatful that i can finally move on in every respect without looking back. I have not been given anything i can't handle i know that. And you will too. It's just that this is your first baby and under any circumstances your first child is scary because you have no real idea of what to expect no matter how many books you read. Seriously though i think the hardest part of being a first time mum is adjusting to the interupted sleep and that's only a temporary situation. BTW i highly recomend breatfeeding i have bottle fed and breast fed and my breastfed baby was way more settled and contented :)

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy

Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 07/17/06 11:37pm

Hi Jacqueline,

I agree with Luka about the breastfeeding. It's an amazingly special time with your baby, too. Also, there's an excellent book for pregnant moms called 'What to Expect When You're Expecting" that is just awesome. It answers every question conceivable to a first time mom and has all sorts of other neat information. It's a pretty common book so you'd be able to find it at just about any bookstore and certainly online.

I know the next week or so is going to be kind of rocky for you and Dominic, but it will get smoother after adjustment to the news.

With Kindness,

Heather

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy

Author:
Sharon
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Date Posted: 07/17/06 8:38pm

Jacqueline,

I have a very odd request. Would you and Dom be interested in being interviewed by two documentary film makers from New York who are creating a documentary on the pro-choice and pro-life sides of the abortion issue? The documentary will be aired on Showtime in about 18 months. They've been interviewing me, among others, because of my pro-life position and my personal experience with almost aborting my first child.

I've shared with them how I've found that MANY times, the whole concept of "choice" is ridiculous. As Luka said, everyone around the woman seems for "choice" as long as the choice is to abort. They resist supporting her when HER choice is to try to protect and have her baby. The culture has become so insensitive to life that a woman is seen as "selfish" to WANT to protect her child. It's absurd...but it's very real. And women run up against these attitudes all the time. It's particularly hurtful and difficult for them because they run into these attitudes held by the very people they love the most.

Anyway, they've been traveling out here to South Dakota a number of times (since we're kind of on the radar these days with our House Bill 1215: Women's Health and Human Life Protection Act - known by the other side as the "abortion ban"). I mentioned that I visit this board and try to provide life-affirming support and encouragement to women facing unplanned pregnancies. I mentioned that MANY of the woman report feeling a sort of excitement and glimmering of "joy" - sometimes mixed with fear and apprehension, of course - when they first find out they're pregnant. But, it's when they tell their boyfriends or their husbands or their parents and find that THOSE people - people they love and trust and thought loved and wanted what was best for them - try to convince them to have an abortion that they feel abandoned and helpless and lost...and begin to view abortion as a viable option - even though they don't really WANT to have an abortion.

That's where this board comes in. We didn't know you before you came to this board...but we know you now, and we're praying for you and pulling for you. I KNOW you were drawn to this board by the grace of God.

So...back to my very odd request: Would you be interested in being a part of this documentary?

The filmmakers are Henry Corra and Celia Maysles. Their company is http://www.corrafilms.com

If you don't want to participate in this, that is perfectly ok and I understand completely. But, I thought I'd put it out there for you to think about.

Sharon