Re: my decision -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

Wednesday, April 15, 12:42:13

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, [10] ]

Subject: Re: my decision

Author:
Marnie

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 07/19/06 12:22am
In reply to: Jacqueline 's message, "Re: my decision" on 07/18/06 1:15pm

If you know this is the wrong decision for you, then why are you doing it? Just to please your boyfriend? Which, by the way, statistics prove that your relationship will not survive an abortion that was forced upon you. Knowing how much you want this baby, you will feel resentment toward Dominic after this is all over.

You cannot wait until minutes before the procedure before you decide. You need to know ahead of time. I have heard horror stories of people who changed their mind at the last minute, but were crying so hard that they couldn't get their wishes known, and the abortion was performed anyway.

I know you're not listening to any of us now, and you don't want to hear what we have to say, because somehow, your bf's wishes are more important than your own, or your baby's. For as much as you want this baby, do you really think you can go through with the abortion and come out okay? And not resent your bf or your friend for making you give up your child? If your bf cared half as much about you as you do for him, he would be putting your wishes first, as you are apparently doing for him! You are willing to terminate your pregnancy and risk a life of guilt and resentment for him, but he can't even give the idea of parent-hood half a chance, for your sake!

Nobody here is going to hate you for your decision, but I bet many of us are praying fervently that you will change your mind - not because we want to control you or because we are so insistent that you not kill your baby, but because you have stated over and over again how much you want this baby, and we don't want you to make a bad decision out of fear or to keep a boyfriend that may possibly not even deserve you! Or one that you may not want after all is said and done and you realize that the ONLY reason you aborted your baby is because he "couldn't handle it". Sounds to me like he's being pretty selfish. Didn't he know that if you have sex, you might produce a baby? If he wasn't ready to be a parent, I guess maybe he shouldn't have had sex....or at least made darn sure that pregnancy didn't happen. You are being very responsible and looking at all options. I commend you for that. His mantra seems to be abort, or I will leave. How mature is that?

If you've read this far, I hope that my post has at least inspired you to re-think things. If not, I pray that all goes well for you and that you can get past the (possible) guilt and that you and Dominic can actually make it through this okay. I don't think he's a bad man....I think he's scared - and for most men, abortion seems like the easy way out - which it is, for them! But not for you. Abortion is not easy no matter what the circumstances, but especially not for someone who wanted the baby and was pressured into an abortion. I truly think that Dominic is a good man (from what I've read) and truly believe that he would come around, if given the chance....but if you abort, you won't ever know.

I will be praying for guidance for you, acceptance from Dominic, and strength to do whatever is the right thing for you to do (no matter what that is!).

Marnie

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> Subject:

Re: my decision

Author:
Melanie
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 07/19/06 12:24am

Hi Jacqueline,

I don't know if I would say or do anything to stop you from having an abortion, however, I would not say that I won't try to dissuade you from having one, either. I will not lie to you to stop you from having an abortion, but I will tell you how concerned this makes me for you. I can tell how much you care about Dom, and that is not a bad thing. However, I am wondering how you feel this will affect your relationship to him if you go ahead and have an abortion.
I can't believe that everyone is giving you so much pressure when it isn't really what you want. That isn't very "fair" of them, and I am concerned how this will affect you in the long run. Abortion is so very hard on relationships... not that pregnancy can't be hard as well, but the difference is that if the you have an abortion and things don't work out, you are just left on your own and it may well feel like it was for nothing. I only say that because I've seen it happen so often, and I just so hate to see that happen to you.

The numbness you feel isn't too terribly uncommon.... it is your way of coping right now. The feeling that you need to be minutes away to decide is just your attempt to feel and process your feelings that you can't now because it is so overwhelming. Does that make sense? I hope so. I don't think feeling that you need to be minutes from an abortion before deciding is "sick", but I do think it could be a bit desperate. Anyway, being that near to the event may not have the desired outcome. Instead you are likely to feel more "obligated" to go ahead even if it's really not what you want. IT's easy to get carried along by the events and just get it over with. A lot of women do go ahead, feeling swept by it all rather than being fully convinced. It's not unusual at a regular abortion clinic to be in with other women who are more certain (or seem that way) who are sure you want this and there is almost a "peer" pressure that goes along with it... after all you are all pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. I've seen it. If you aren't sure, going ahead might give you some relief.. for a little while, but there are no guarantees it won't hit you even harder down the road, especially feeling as you do now.

At any rate, no matter what you ultimately do... I won't hate you. I doubt the rest of us will either. There is a big difference between hate and a broken heart.

Please get some support from people who what you to be able to do what you have said you want.

Just wondering, have you asked Dom what he's so afraid of that he would make himself sick over it? What's the very worst thing that could happen to him if you have this baby that he doesn't do to himself? His reaction and how he deals with things are his choice.

Hang in there.

--Melanie