Re: Torn -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject:

Re: Torn

Author:
Melanie

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Date Posted: 08/31/09 5:57pm
In reply to: Melanie 's message, "Torn" on 08/31/09 1:03pm

Hi Melanie,

I haven't been on here for a while, but since we share the same name, we have at least one thing in common. :)

I'm really sorry to hear about your struggles and your losses. In reading what is going on with your situation, it seems that the word "fear" comes up a lot. The problem with making decisions when you are fearful of the future, does not always lead to great decisions. Circumstances often can and do change, but with some decisions (as with abortion) there is no going back once it is finished. If you are concerned about feeling guilty now, and you have (or recently had) strong feelings about having an abortion in the past, it is a bigger concern.

In regards to your education, if that is the biggest issue, then it might be wise to at least wait and hear what their response will be. You also might want to try and contact an organization called The Nurturing Network (calling is far better than online, imo) as they specifically work with college/career oriented women who are pregnant.

As for your marriage, is that something you want to work on or have you already given up? I know it's really tough when you don't feel as supported as you need to be. When I became pregnant with my first, I was working and my husband was happily on unemployment. Somehow, we've managed to survive for 32 years. I think year 7 is theoretically a tough year, as is the end of the first year. I think it seems about right to me. Does he see himself as irresponsible?

How far along are you now, if you don't mind me asking?

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Torn

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 08/31/09 6:03pm

Hello, Melanie,

Perhaps your outlook is a bit mixed, and this is confusing. Rape is a terrible event. That said, WHO should pay the price for the rape? The rapist, or the baby? The mother can be nurtured through. It's her baby, too, but if she can't face raising the child, she can choose adoption.

You know what you are carrying. You have an irresponsible husband. Who should pay the price of the irresponsibility? Your husband or your baby? Your baby is depending on you for your protection.

How will you feel in retrospect, if you look back and see that your academic achievements were bought with the life of your child? Many women suddenly lose all interest in these things, and no longer value them. You have your whole life ahead of you to complete these things. It sounds like you are facing some possible discrimination. Fight back! Don't let them do that to you. You don't owe it to them to pay that kind of price. And what if the abortion hurts or kills you? Who will nurse your older baby?

Life happens.

I had four children when I got my bachelor's degree. Three of them were preschoolers. My older daughter was born in April, in the middle of the semester. I stayed out of class for a week (my choice) and aced my courses.

I don't know exactly what kind of scheduling they are threatening to require of you. I don't know what is involved in your certification. But they should be willing to work with you. You can get some help with these types of problems by finding a local organization that can help you. If you live in the United States, go here: pregnancycenters.org. Also, you can see if your college has a college outreach program, which will offer you alternatives. Ask especially at your health clinic. Also, you can find out more about this program by going here: feministsforlife.org. If you don't live in the United States, you can use this worldwide listing to find an organization near you: www.heartbeatinternational.org/worldwide_directory.asp. Chances are, there is someone who is qualified at one of these places to go have a talk with the college, perhaps a lawyer who donates his time. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior. Colleges need to be willing to make adjustments. Otherwise, you are being denied equal protection.

You are precious and so is your baby. There are answers. You don't have to resort to this kind of violence. We love you both, and we are concerned about your health and the well being of your older child, too. Please protect your baby! Let us know what happens. We will be here for you, and we will pray for you.

Hugs,
Pat