Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 09/ 5/09 1:34pm
Hi, Liz,
I am so glad you came! I have nine grandchildren and counting. It's wonderful! You're so lucky to have one already. I was in my 60's before I had my first.
I do have a little question. What is SF?
I had an unexpected blessing when I was trying very hard to avoid getting pregnant, and I was very tired, and didn't feel I could handle a pregnancy and birth. I wasn't as old as you are, but I was old enough. So I was pretty upset. Pregnancy went OK, but the birth was rough; I was in labor for 33 hours. I had him at home. It's probably the only reason he's alive. That child has been a huge blessing to all of us. He delighted me for hours with his wonderful classical guitar playing. When my mother-in-law was in her last year of life, she wanted to live out her days in her own apartment. He was the only one in the family who was free to help. He moved in with her so she could stay there. Later on, he joined the Army Reserves and has been to Iraq twice. I didn't really want him to go, but I am very, very proud of him, and grateful that he was willing to risk his life on our behalf. Then he talked to my mother when she was unwilling to accept me, and as a result, she changed her mind. He now has a son, our grandson.
I don't know what your religion is, so I will just speak from my heart. We don't know what God's reason for giving us a child is. Every child was made in His image, and He has a plan for that little one's life. You are very lucky that the father (and although at this point he's just a sperm donor, that can change) is willing to support you. A lot of women don't have that.
None of us knows what the future will bring. We all like to order our lives so that nothing bad happens, but we aren't really in control. Learning to survive uncertainty isn't an easy skill to acquire, and unfortunately, in today's world, far too few people have it. But I don't think our lack of fortitude is good for us or the people we live among. It's normal for a woman not to want to be pregnant during the first trimester. It's a hormone thing. Most women are very loving of their children at some point in the second trimester, and very ready to assume the extra responsibilities of motherhood. You are older and wiser. Having raised two children already, you have experience and knowledge. A child at your age will help keep you young at heart. And this child may be the one God sent to take care of you someday. We don't usually know what God's plans are at the time. We find that out in retrospect.
Family is SO important. We raised seven children, and my sister raised four. My mother is now 86, and her health isn't the best anymore. And our children have rallied around her in a way that makes me very proud. They're willing to carry on the tradition started when our children would move in together to share expenses, and several have offered her a place to stay when she can't live alone anymore.
Love is really a choice. It is the choice to put the best interests of someone else ahead of your own. You can feel sexual attraction, but that's not true love. You love your family, and they love you, and that was a mutual relationship that was built over time. Being a mother is choosing to love. The responsibility for a new life grows slowly, and so does our capacity to meet that responsibility. There is help available if you need it. Just let us know.
Look at this in the long term, but take one day at a time. Your baby is depending on you for your protection. You can eat well, and get some exercise, and this will strengthen your heart, so birth will be much easier. Walking and swimming are both very good exercise. We would love for you to visit us and tell us how you are both doing. Please protect your baby!
Hugs,
Pat
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