| Subject: Re: Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help |
Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 02/24/09 1:03pm
In reply to:
Su
's message, "Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help" on 02/19/09 7:27am
Hi, Su,
I am daring to hope that you will decide to protect your little one's life.
The crisis pregnancy agency can probably be very helpful on how to get the father out of your life. There are definitely things you can do along those lines. Also, don't worry so much about his family getting your baby. They don't really have a lot of legal rights at all. I doubt seriously if they can do a thing.
Let me talk to you just a little about how women and men react to situations like these. When a woman has sex, she experiences hormones that cause her to bond with the person she had sex with. Men don't have these kinds of hormones. It's one reason men can so often walk away from a relationship and think nothing of it. What this man has done to you has been cruel. I mentioned he's trying to manipulate you. To me it's obvious that you still have a bond with him. Have you ever heard it said that the opposite of love is not hate? The opposite of love is indifference! Since you now hate him, you still have that bond. So what to do about it? Distance yourself from him. The emotions you are experiencing will heal over time. My best guess is that it will take about a year altogether. But as time goes on, it does get better.
I have been in the same state of mind as you. We raised seven children. During a good part of that time, we either had too little income or no income at all! Imagine what it is like knowing that seven children are depending on you, and you haven't had income for months. I was angry at God. I asked Him why. I couldn't even pray. I felt like I was clinging to the side of a cliff by my fingernails. We managed to survive, and we never took any welfare, but my husband's mother helped us a lot. But this problem went on for years and years. We went deeply into debt. At times it just seemed like we couldn't go on. But eventually, everyone left home, and now things are good, though we never really know for how long. Also at this point, our debt is virtually nonexistent, and we actually have a little to fall back on if necessary. Nothing in life is certain. You could have plenty of money and be really secure, and it could fall apart. And you could think you are destitute, and suddenly, things just work out. If you distance yourself from this man, and make yourself available, a good man could come along, someone who would cherish all of you. You deserve no less. It has happened to several of the people who post here. The thing we tend to fear most is uncertainty. But life is uncertain. That's just the way it is. You are a lot stronger than you think. Give God a chance. He WILL help you.
At more than ten weeks, your baby is fully formed. You don't even want to think about what the abortionist will do to that beautiful little baby, but believe me, if you have an abortion, you will. Abortion is forever. Given how you are feeling, please know that many women become suicidal afterwards, and I believe that some of the women I have talked to have actually gone through with it. I never heard from them again. One woman we talked to was feeling suicidal one night, and another woman who posts here and I talked her through messages all night to keep her from doing it. I was never so scared in my entire life! I tried calling the suicide prevention center in her city; she was about 3000 miles away. They put me on hold on my dime, and I stayed there for 20 minutes before I finally gave up and hung up. I tried to call a woman I knew there, hoping she could help, at 3 am, but she didn't answer. I learned later she was out of town. Fortunately, the woman didn't go through with it, and we have kept in touch, and it's been several years. One time more recently, she told me, "My abortion ruined my life!" Su, I don't want you to be in that position! You are not a good candidate for abortion. The fact you don't want one, and that you are now feeling anxious and in despair, just think how you would react if you had an abortion, and you realized that you can't take it back; it's too late.
I am relieved to hear that you will go and talk to someone in an agency. They CAN help you. You'd be amazed all the things they know that will help.
Just don't walk through that abortion facility door. I know people who were physically held down and forced to submit to an abortion. Don't put yourself in that position.
I continue to cry for you and pray for you. We love you.
Hugs,
Pat
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