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Wednesday, April 15, 12:45:18

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Subject: Young, Single & Alone Author: Lucy (confused) [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 12/15/08 1:56pm Hi, im 18 and found out last week i was 5 weeks pregnant, i'd only just come off the pill to have surgery and it wasnt planned. Im not with the Dad although we have been friends for 4 years. Im really unsure of what to do. Deep down i want to keep the baby, but my family have told me i wouldnt have the support from them and i know the father doesn't want me to keep it! If i had a supportive family there would be no question about whether or not to keep the baby! Im so confused and worried that if i do get rid of it i would regret it for the rest of my life. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Young, Single & Alone Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/16/08 1:29am The father of the baby will have to help support his child legally. That is probably what he is most afraid of, I'm sure. I know some find ways around it, but it's tougher and tougher to do that. If you make a decision to abort your baby based on what others want, you will only end up with resentment and regrets. Is it financial support they are saying they will withhold, or any support emotional or otherwise? In spite of what people say, more often than not (yes, there I have to admit there are exceptions) once the baby is here, it's pretty difficult not to fall in love, especially for grandparents. If you make a decision to go with your heart on this one, you have still a little bit of time to plan. What sort of resources do you think you will need? --Melanie

[> Subject: Re: Young, Single & Alone Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/16/08 2:41am Hi, Lucy, I am very glad you came! If you don't want an abortion, don't have one! Since you don't want one, it would be a serious mistake. We can't know how the father will react. He may or may not come around. Most men don't connect to pregnancy until they can see some evidence for themselves. This can be to notice changes in the mother's body, hear the heartbeat, see an ultrasound, or feel movement. Just give him some space and time. You don't owe it to him to do this anyway, and he should support you because he helped make your baby, after all. As for your parents, it is most unlikely they won't come around. Most families become very supportive. And by the way, I've been there. I have a grandson who was born to my unmarried son, and I love him just as much as the other grandchildren. You aren't truly alone. Help is available. You can go here: http://www.pregnancycenters.org/ You can find a pregnancy center in your area, and they will support you in whatever way you need. And we are here to support you, too. You are already a mother; you want to protect your baby. Your baby is depending on you. We love you both. Hugs, Pat

[> [> Subject: Re: Young, Single & Alone Author: Tracey [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/16/08 10:40am Lucy~ Hello and welcome!! SO glad you found us! This is a tough situation, but it is not impossible! As far as your family goes, give them a bit of time. They are just shocked right now and their solution is to just get, "rid" of the problem! The problem, however, is that is not that easy! You have feelings and emotions already invested here. The thought of abortion is causing you stress and anxiety. I think the fact that you are unsure says a lot! And the fact that if your family were supportive, you probably wouldn't be here searching for advice. I think you already know what your heart is telling you to do. I believe the regret of an abortion would haunt you--once it's done, there's no turning back. You're young, but you can do this! We promise to help find you the support you need in your area. We are here for you and support you 100%! If you need to find a center in your area that will offer you help, guidance, and support, please let us know! I am praying for you as you make this decision! We are here for you no matter what you decide. Please keep us posted! God bless, Tracey

[> Subject: Re: Young, Single & Alone Author: Lucy [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/16/08 12:21pm Thankyou so much for your comments they have really helped me, My Parents have said they wouldnt support me finacially. The father doesnt want me to keep the baby but hasnt said he doesnt want to know if i do decide to keep it. Im worried i wont be able to cope on my iwn i havent got a stable job and i couldnt live at home with my parents any more. I have so many questions but not sure who to ask? xx

[> [> Subject: Re: Young, Single & Alone Author: Tracey [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/17/08 4:28am Hi Lucy! Ask away!!! That's what we're here for! We'll try our best to answer and help guide you. You are not alone!!! I know you are scared, unsure, and just not sure what to do. You are seeking help and that's a great first step! Please let us know what we can do for you. You can give us your ST and closest City and we can send you a list of centers in your area that can offer help and support! Lucy, I am praying for you today for peace and understanding! God bless, Tracey

[> [> Subject: Re: Young, Single & Alone Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/19/08 2:10am I think things will fall into place somewhat once things don't seem so "up in the air" as to what you are going to do. Fortunately, you do have time to plan before the baby arrives. A good place to start might be with seeing what resources you do have. Even if it doesn't seem like enough, make a list of what you do have and start there and build on it. Do try checking out Crisis Pregnancy Centers and local community resources as one option in finding support. While there are certainly exceptions, it is rare for parents to be completely unsupportive once a grandchild is in the picture. I don't think this necessarily means they will let you stay, but at least they usually do come to terms with things and love their grandchildren. And if the option is that you will be on the street with their grandchild, they find it a little more difficult to follow through. Right now, they are probably just concerned that it will be tough for you and think they are doing the right thing. Do give time for everyone to adjust. It's amazing how much difference a little time can make. In the meantime, just begin to make plans the best that you can and find whatever support you can. I know it's a little scary trying to sort through this all, but you can do it. --Melanie

[> Subject: Re: Young, Single & Alone Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/17/08 11:00am Hi Lucy, I think you're already showing yourself to be a strong woman and an excellent mother by giving thought to the things you are and not just going with the first fear based reaction to 'get rid of "it."' Good for you for recognizing the serious implications of deciding life and death for another human being and thinking for yourself, even with the lack of support from parents and the father. I hope you take Pat's suggestion about checking out Pregnancy Resource Centers in your area. They are incredibly helpful for not only free services including ultrasounds, clothing, etc, but also resources in assiting you financially - where to get signed up and in many cases even doing the paperwork with you. Our country currently has a lot of support and financial assistance for women in unplanned pregnancies and care for their children while they are young. Have your parents said they would ask you to leave their home if you keep your baby or did they leave it generically at 'they wouldn't support you?' It is very common for parents to have a strong reaction when first finding out their daughter is pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy, but so so often they mellow and adjust, especially by the time the baby (their grandchild) arrives. Ultimately, I think you are on the right track in asking the questions you are about how YOU would feel about an abortion because it is a permanent, life altering choice that in the end only you will be living with. So this should be your call. Those that truly love you will ultimately support you regardless of what you choose. I have a good feeling about your parents coming around to that end, even if it is inexpressibly difficult at the moment. Hang in there; there is much hope! Sometimes the unplanned events in life are the best ones. No one would ever try to say it is easy to be a single mother, but neither is it insurmountable and it is a choice that comes with a clear conscience and beauty of life rather than a fear based choice/reaction that results in death. Please know that there's a woman out in California that will be praying for you! I know how difficult this moment in time is and will be praying for a swift resolve so you can be at peace with yourself and with life. With Kindness, Heather