Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 07/24/07 6:49am
Amber,
I'm so glad you came, and I will be forthright with you, because you deserve that.
That is a DESPICABLE thing your husband is trying to do to you! To ask you to choose either to kill your child or he will leave you. That's some horrible kind of choice, and personally what I'd do if I were in that position, I'd just tell him, "Look. I'm not going to harm my baby. You do whatever you are going to do." In other words, see if you can call his bluff. If not, he still would owe you child support. Yes, you made a mistake. Why is he demanding that you commit violence and make a second mistake?
I know husbands who have forgiven their wives and have adopted the baby as their own. We can hope and pray that will be the ultimate outcome, but it has to start with you taking a firm position. That means telling him you have made up your mind and it's not open to discussion. If he tries to browbeat you, walk out of the room. If he follows you, tell him that you are going into the other room and he is not to follow you. And keep doing that until he leaves you alone. Do NOT discuss it with him. Just tell him you aren't going to do it.
The important thing to know is that men react to pregnancy differently from women. To a man, the pregnancy isn't real until they can observe a change, either in the mother's body, or hear a heartbeat, or see an ultrasound, or feel movement. Yes, this is not his child. But that doesn't mean he won't choose ultimately to protect your baby. It IS part of YOU as well as of the other man.
Ask him to forgive you for having cheated, but tell him under no circumstances will you make a second mistake. And ask him how he would feel if the abortion harmed you, and your three children had no mother to take care of them. He's not only asking you to harm your baby, but he is also asking you to undergo a terrible risk. Even though abortion is legal, it is NOT safe. Ask him why he wants you to submit to what amounts to medical rape. Maybe this sounds harsh, but it just plain makes me furious when a guy does this to a woman! Obviously you have some issues to work out. But since you know abortion is wrong, if he makes you do it, there's a good chance your marriage will break up anyway, because you may come to resent him for putting you through that.
If my husband did that to me, I'd ORDER HIM TO LEAVE. Seriously. No man has a right EVER to ask a woman to do that, much less threaten and demand. And if you give in, every time he wants something, he will use extortion to get it!
I should tell you about something that happened to me once. My husband and I were having an argument. I don't remember what it was about, but I was pregnant, and I said to him, that he would want me to have an abortion. It's the only time in over forty years of marriage he ever hit me! He said, "Don't you EVER say anything like that to me again!" And I never did.
In other words, abortion should be unthinkable. Especially if two people love each other, no matter WHOSE child it is.
I hope this helps. Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby!
We'll be here for you all the way.
Hugs,
Pat
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