Author:
Sharon
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Date Posted: 08/28/07 1:07pm
Dimples,
From the outside looking in, it seems like this is a test of your strength and motherly resolve. Clearly, your husband is pressuring you to do something you do NOT want to do. That is completely WRONG for him to do that, especially considering that YOU are trying to save the live of your child! But, he is going to continue to put pressure on you. I agree with Pat, you will have to stand up to him for your own sake and for the sake of your child. He feels like since you had one abortion, you can have another and it won't be a "big deal". But, what he doesn't realize is the EMOTIONAL damage abortion does to a woman - it pits her against the very person she is emotionally, psychologically, and physically designed to protect: her child. Pat's right, there is plenty of evidence of the physical harm, but I think the emotional and spiritual harm is JUST as destructive to a woman. I can't imagine trying to live with your husband if you go through with this. I'm sure you resent him for the first abortion - although it sounds like you didn't realize how hard that would be. But now you would SURELY resent him for this abortion. In fact, one of the main indicators that a woman will have emotional fall-out from an abortion is if she feels like she was pressured into it - either by circumstances or by the father or by her parents or whomever.
You need to surround yourself with life-affirming people. If you don't have friends or family that support you, go to a crisis pregnancy support center (you can find them in the Yellow Pages under "Abortion Alternatives".) They can provide you with perspective and support.
I think your husband isn't just worried about the financial cost of having a baby. I think - and again this is just an outsider looking in - that he's worried about the TIME it will take to raise a child. He's seeing your older children as just about out of the house and he's probably looking forward to that and the freedom for him that comes with that. But, I can tell you from experience (I'm 47 and I have a 6-year-old little boy) that the child that comes as an unexpected surprise can bring a wealth of unexpected JOY. My little Andrew is so incredibly precious. I can't imagine the world without him in it. Sure, I'll be 58 when he graduates from high school. But, so what?! God doesn't give us any more precious blessings than our children. We should never refuse those blessings.
I'll say a prayer for you - that you have strength and wisdom and resolve - and a prayer for your husband that God softens his heart.
Sharon
P.S. Do your older children know about the earlier abortion? Do they know you're pregnant now? You need to consider how they will feel knowing that you aborted their sibling. And, if your husband wants you to lie to them and tell them you had a miscarriage, then THAT is putting you in a terrible situation. Refuse to let him do that to you. I agree with Pat that if he really feels you can't raise this child, then agree to put him or her up for adoption. That would be an easier thing for your children to deal with then the thought that their mother aborted their brother or sister.
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