Re: Dilema -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Wednesday, April 15, 12:41:58

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Subject: Re: Dilema

Author:
Pat

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Date Posted: 09/10/07 2:53am
In reply to: Amanda 's message, "Dilema" on 09/ 9/07 12:59am

Hi, Amanda,

I am very glad you came!

I should tell you we had our first child when we were both in college. :) And in fact, he was three years old when my husband finished his college work.

It can be done. While my husband's folks paid for the hospital costs, we didn't have crisis pregnancy agencies in those days, and these exist now, and they can be a huge financial help.

Birth control isn't reliable. It's as simple as that.

You don't need to give your child the commonly accepted notion of "a good life". There is so doggone much materialism these days. An infant needs food (breastfeeding is cheap), shelter, clothing, and lots of love. You can find good toys for the baby in many different places. What they sell in Toys-R-Us is junk anyway, especially from a cognitive point of view. I was truly appalled.

If you are against abortion, then you should NOT have an abortion. You will regret it deeply, and it could END your interest in completing your college degree, or worse. Some women commit suicide, even, and many become dysfunctional, and drink or use drugs, or sleep around. It will almost certainly break up your relationship.

Go to your local crisis pregnancy agency, and see what kind of help they can offer. Also check and see if your college has a College Outreach Program. This program provides for alternatives for college mothers, and is run by Feminists for Life. You can find lists of crisis pregnancy agencies here: www.pregnancycenters.org.

Good luck with this! We will be here for you. You may find that your family will come around. Most of the time, they do, and they dote on their grandchild. Right now, you need to protect your child from their lack of forethought and their lack of love.

I should also tell you that one of our sons had a baby out of wedlock. The mother and he are not even engaged, and they are both taking excellent care of him. He stays with whichever parent isn't working that time of day. He is very well behaved, and healthy and happy. The mother would like to go to college, but she can't right now. Our son has some college already. Our reaction to learning of the baby (when he was 17 months old, by the way), was instant acceptance. In fact, I told our son that they ought to get married! I don't harp on it; I said it once. Other family members agree.

Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby!

Hugs,
Pat

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[> Subject: Re: Dilema

Author:
Sharon
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Date Posted: 09/10/07 2:53pm

Amanda,

One thing that concerns me is that if you abort your first child together, you will always have the memory of that between the two of you. No other child will ever replace your first. (It sounds like this little person was meant to be here if he or she managed to get here in spite of birth control ;-)

I, too, had my first child while in college. I managed to complete my Bachelors and go on to get my Masters. Having a child sometimes actually puts you in a position to receive more aid, plus there are many resources available to help. You should contact your county health nurse and get on the W.I.C. (Women Infants and Children) program. It provides you with free vouchers for healthy food while you're pregnant (like milk, cheese, peanut butter, eggs, iron-fortified cereal, and fruit juice). If you choose to nurse your baby, W.I.C. continues to provide you with nutritional food for a year after your pregnancy. If you decide not to nurse, it provides your baby with formula for a year and with healthy food until he or she is 5! It's a GREAT program.

I just feel a real heaviness in my heart when you say that you don't want to have an abortion, but feel like you might have to. One of the main indicators of whether or not a woman will regret having had an abortion is if she felt pressured (by circumstances, by husband, by parents, by school, by job, by finances, by whatever) to have the abortion, but didn't REALLY want to have it.

Right now, your little one has only you to protect him or her. I can promise you that you will never regret NOT having an abortion, but many women regret HAVING an abortion.

You might want to go online and find out information about fetal development. Lots of times, we tend to think of the baby growing inside us as the size of a pencil dot, when realy the baby developes very early on. In fact, he or she has a heart that is beating, brain waves, and all organs in place by the time most women even know they're pregnant. So, far from being a mass of cells or blob of tissue, the little one growing inside you is a tiny human being - your tiny son or daughter.

I had an appointment to have an abortion, but I cancelled it. Words can't describe how grateful I am that I did. At the moment I was making "my" choice, I held my son's very life in my hands. My life is so blessed with his presence now.

I'll say a prayer for you and your fiance and your little one. There always seems to be not quite enough money, regardless of the things that fill our lives. But, money pales in comparision to the reality that you two are the parents of your own tiny little person.

God bless you...

Sharon