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Wednesday, April 15, 19:22:28

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Subject: please help me?????????? Author: kaniesha (angry, sad, mad,) [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 06/ 5/07 4:39pm Hello all, My name is KaNiesha and I am sixteen years old and i had an abortion. It was one of the worst expeirences of my life......Heres my story. I was raised in church all my life.....and of course they told us to wait until marriage before we have sex and i had always told myself that i would but i didnt and it was the BIGGEST mistake i had ever made. I had been "DATING" this boy since December 2006 and in February of 2007 we decided to have sex and we did....we didnt use protection because he said he would pull out before he released his sprem.......but he didnt....and he said he did and i believed him. A few days later i recieved my menstral cycle and i was so happy because I did get my period...little did i know it can up to five days to become pregnant. My body started to change and i sleep more frequent than i usually do....my appitite began to change, i never did eat alot i didnt eat anything because i could not hold any food down. I went and bought a pregnancy test and it came back negetive and i was so excited. Then after a few days i began to get morning sickness and i was like there is no way i can be pregnant but i was. Every kind of air freshner made me sick. I tried to hide the pregnancy from my mom because i knew that she would freak out and kill me. Everytime i had to throw up i went in the bathroom and turned the water on. Everyday i went to school i threw up all day. I just thought maybe if i got an abortion nobody would have to find out and i would not have to deal with all the pressure from my "RELIGIOUS" family....so i turned to my friends sister who i thought i could trust. She said she would take me to get the abortion and she would help me pay for it. I took another pregnancy test and it confirmed my worst nightmare i was indeed pregnant. Little did i know she betrayed me....she called my mom and told her. My mom called and ask me if i was pregnant and i said NO and she simply said KaNiesha dont lie to me because i will find out tomarrow if you dont tell me the truth...so i said yes. She then hung up on me. She called back and cursed me clean out. After that everybody started calling me questioning me and going off. I wanted to run away so bad i had even thought about killing myself. About a week later we went to the abortion clinic and i recieved counseling but it didnt help me at all......they asked are you sure you want to do this....i said yes because thats what my mom wanted, deep down inside i wanted to say no. Then about a week later we came back and i was nervous i hated the people who encourged me to do it. They called my name and my heart dropped because there were so many young women and girls getting abortions and it hurt my heart to see such a thing. ( I had always said that abortion was bad and i woould never get one because if i was to get pregnant i would keep my baby but i didnt....i killed a innocent child who didnt even do anything) I went back and removed my clothes and took two pills one to calm my nerves and the other to relax the pain away so i couldnt feel what they were doing......THATS A HUGE LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I felt everything that doctor did.....when i heard the vaccum i knew that it was real and they were killing my child and i could have stopped them but i didnt. It was very very very painful, when he finished i looked up and i saw so much blood and tissue and god knows what else....oh i didnt mention that i was 10weeks and 5 days pregnant Now everybody lives there normal life and i sit back and be depressed and i even cry myself to sleep...nobody knows my pain and agony that i deal with in a daily basis. If i even tried to talk to my mom about how i felt she would probably say she dont want to here it. So keep ALL of my emotions inside and pretend to be happy when i am around people. I tried to forget about it but let me tell you it WILL NEVER GO AWAY!!!!!!! Feel free to email me or instant message me at dreammyangel09@yahoo.com [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: please help me?????????? Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06/ 5/07 11:45pm Dear KaNiesha, Thank you so much for posting here. I'm so sorry you have to experience this pain. The most important thing you can do is turn to God. He is a forgiving God. And although there is no going back, you can go forward. It's normal to grieve, but you need to forgive yourself. It's healthy to grieve this loss. But if you don't forgive yourself you'd be doing a disservice to God and yourself. I urge you to seek out counseling through your local crisis pregnancy center. They offer post-abortive counseling free of charge. The women in charge of post-abortive counseling at my local CPC have had an abortion and can totally relate to the women they counsel. Please consider this for yourself! Post-Abortion Counseling I'm sure you're disappointed by your family's actions. Families of women/young ladies experiencing an unplanned pregnancy tend to have negative reactions, at first. Parents fear that a baby will hinder the success of their child. Sometimes their initial reaction is to get rid of the problem. But this reaction does not take into consideration the lingering effects their child will experience: pain, guilt, and regret. Perhaps forgiving your parents will be helpful in your healing process. I also think you should be allowed to voice your painful feelings relating to your abortion. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could give you back your child. But he/she is in heaven and I have no such powers. All I can do is pray for God to send you a sense of peace to comfort you. Please feel free to post here as often as you like. Your posts can help others avoid this painful road. And at the same time, it can help you in the healing process. Sincerely, Shellie

[> [> Subject: Re: please help me?????????? Author: Tracey (praying for you...) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06/ 6/07 6:07am KaNiesha~ I'm so glad you decided to post. You have found a safe, supportive place. I wanted to stop by and tell you about a good post abortion site called, "Safe Haven." Here is their web-site: http://www.safehavenministries.com/ Of course you are more than welcome to post on our boards as well, but I wanted to tell you about this one as well because they specifically focus on post abortion healing. KaNiesha, I am praying for you as you grieve and as you begin the healing process. We are here anytime you need us. God bless, Tracey

[> Subject: Re: please help me?????????? Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06/22/07 2:24am KaNiesha, I hope you will come back and see this message. I was gone for awhile and couldn't write. I am really sorry for what you are going through! It's so easy to slip from one step to the next. I understand because if I did that, I don't know that I could ever forgive myself, either, but I know that with God all things are possible, and He WILL heal you. All you need is sincere repentance, and I think you are truly sorry. Forgiving yourself will be very difficult. Tell God that you don't want to forgive yourself, and that He will have to help you forgive yourself. Jesus came and died for you, and that includes all the mistakes you have made and will ever make in your life. He loves you so much! Do you know, King David lusted after a woman, so he arranged for her husband to go into battle where he would be killed. And God forgave him and let him be an ancestor to Jesus. And Saul was going around murdering Christians, but Stephen prayed for him. And God forgave him, and met him on the road to Damascus, so he became the Apostle Paul. I owe my faith to his preaching, because he preached to my ancestors! And if God is willing to do these things for David and Paul, He will forgive you as well. Try to trust in Him as a little child. Please do get some counseling. It will really help! Hugs, Pat

[> [> Subject: Re: please help me?????????? Author: kaniesha (kinda happy) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06/25/07 6:15am this message is to Pat...ijust wanted to let you know that i read your message and i just wanted to say THANK YOU!!