Re: i've decided -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: i've decided

Author:
Heather

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Date Posted: 08/19/06 12:47am
In reply to: shelby 's message, "Re: i've decided" on 08/18/06 10:18pm

Hi Shelby,

I think telling your sister is a great idea. It's a start! I think you should let as many people know as possible so you are not left feeling alone.

I can't express how hard it is to read that you consider it love to stay silent about your father. Love sometimes looks like being strong enough to fight for what is right. Statistics don't seem to agree that your father will finally get the message that what he did was wrong, even with a baby. He will most likely push very hard for you to get an abortion to conceal what he's done. My heart aches for you, dear one, and for the freedom you should have to be in the light about everything. If you don't feel comfortable causing a disruption in your home, then is there anywhere else you feel safe moving to? Your sister's? There are COUNTLESS free living quarters for single moms, again your local Pregnancy Resource Center can get you connected to them.

If your father exhibits anything in the way of violence towards you (coersion, physical abuse, etc) please know that it will not stop with your baby. The sexual abuse will not, either, without intervention and if you haven't been able to seek intervention on your own behalf, you won't be able to for your little one, either.

I hope you're able to find another living situation soon. One where you and your body will be respected.

Please don't hesitate to ask any one of us for help, Shelby. If you feel comfortable emailing anyone privately we can help you get to the proper route with the authorities and safely transitioned into a place where you are not being abused. Even if it doesn't feel like 'abuse' to you now, it will many years later and the price of enabling your father will be inexpressibly expensive.

Take GOOD care of yourself! And congratulations on the blessing of the new human life growing inside you. I will be praying earnestly for you.

With Kindness,

Heather

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[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: i've decided

Author:
luka
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Date Posted: 08/19/06 7:17pm

I agree with Lori 100 per cent. I fear for your safety once your father finds out that you are pregnant. He very well may try to harm you to conceal whats been going on. He may try to hit you in the stomach to make you lose the baby, god only knows. You are the one who has been and is being hurt here your father is the one in the wrong. Not telling anybody doesn't change that fact! How do you know that he didn't do this to your sister as well? Or anyone else. I was abused sexually as a child not by a family member though.. But in any case i wouldn't dream of letting my child anywhere near such a person family or not much less live under the same roof as them. Please consider at the very least getting out of there. You have alot to deal with right now, i do understand you not wanting to bring his abuse out in the open at this time. Maybe you can wait untill some time after your baby is born. But as a mother you need to protect both yourself and your child and get as far away from him as possible. It's your job to protect your baby. You have no responsibilty to protect your father from his wrong doing -it was his responsibilty to protect you! I worry when i read that you feel you would be making trouble for your family by telling anyone what has happened. It sounds like you are blamming yourself for being abused and it is in no way your fault!