Dammit, it's my turn... -- Chan Is Missing

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Date Posted: 11:35:24 02/15/02 Fri
Author: V-Dawg
Subject: Dammit, it's my turn...

As they would say during the Iron Chef:
Valentine's Day...it's OVAH!

So the X-squared possessing chromosone bearers got their holiday. It's a full day long, it's sappy, and even if you do something nice, it's guaranteed you'll have some bitching by someone. If it isn't the object of your affection, it's her bitch friend telling her how her dumbass boyfriend screwed up the day. Which gets me pissed because he's ruining the whole sham. Let's be united boys.

That being said, is there a holiday specific for men? Labor Day and Memorial Day, in memory of great men who died before us. 4th of July, in memory of great men who fought for this country's independence. Look at every holiday. All of them either involve chicks or family. And don't give me that shit about Father's Day. A) I'm not a father, and B) Mothers always get better gifts, it's the residual Valentine's Day guilt that kicks in.

I'd like to propose a holiday. For the great men that came before us and the great men that will come after us. A holiday specific for men, where we can be surly chauvanists without having to "apologize". Jesus that word makes me cringe.

I propose that March 19th be National "Make Me A Sammich, Bitch!" Day.

We have to put up with a whole week worth of Valentine's shit. Try getting a dinner reservation at a nice eatery at the last minute on that shitball of a Hallmark Holiday. You can't even get a fucking seat a McDonald's, nevermind Denny's (or if you feel like slumming it, Bickford's). So the day extends into the weekend, where more of this lovey-dovey shit goes on. You have to "happy", "affectionate", "caring", and "cuddly". Funk dat!

On National "Make Me A Sammich, Bitch!" Day, every woman is required to make a sandwich for a man. Women will line the streets as sandwich vendors, asking "Can I take your order?" in a pleasant way, to which I will respond: "Make Me A Sammich, Bitch!". And glorious sandwiches will be made. Not PB&J, but mofo'ing trile decker turkey and roast beef with Thousand Island dressing and coleslaw sammichs. I'm going to look like Jared pre-Subway.

It would be outstanding...

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Isn't St. Patrick's Day kind of a man's holiday?? Drink as much as you want, throw up if you want, get in fights with Paddy O'Brien and Seamus O'Malley and nobody cares because everyone is Irish on March 17th!!! -- Kosty O'Kosty, 13:27:49 02/15/02 Fri

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[> [> Valid point, however, women can celebrate St. Paddy's day as just as well, therefore it involves chicks, which doesn't make it a strictly male day. Besides, "MAKE ME A SAMMICH, BITCH!" is a day that not only stands for good food, but also for female subservience... -- V-Dawg, 14:10:08 02/15/02 Fri

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[> [> [> Yeah, I'm guessing "Slobber on my knob, bitch" day was already being celebrated somewhere? -- Sappho, 14:53:19 02/15/02 Fri

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