pregnacy loss -- Angelic Whispers and Reflections Forum

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Date Posted: 21:37:25 03/22/05 Tue
Author: corinne
Subject: ? pregnacy loss

i was to be married to a man i thought i loved. little did i know his jealous rage would end my child's life. the man became abusive. he hit me in my tummy i tried to block it and i had an order o fprotection put on him. but it was to late. a few days later i started spotting. i than had to go a sonagram. the baby was to small to see. but the dr. said i should be fine. i was put on bed rest and later release to go to work. almost in my 3rd mounth i started bleeding woarse. i was order to bedrest. and i did everything the nurse told me. i read my books on pregnacy i took my vitmins. i was a healthy 21 year old and did everything wright! i later had blood drown out. again my dr said i would be fine. the next day i started cramping and it would not stop. i began bleeding. i paged my dr. and called my sister. i arrvied at the er. i knew somthing was horribly wrong when i did not have to wait for 3hours to be seen. they rush me in. they took my blood. and made me change. they did amother sonagram. i prayed the rosery prayer we wouldsay durning church over and over. as they searched for my baby. i remember everything they listen to the blood in my overies. and i knew that something horrible was happeing b/c of all the blood. they left me an hour before the dr. would say anything. the wait the mess the heartache. b/c i was not far along and the baby was so small...they said i would not know if the baby would pass b/c it would just be a big blood clot. he checked me and it was hard for him to see my cervix. they had a tube that was sucking my blood. then he pulled out a "clot" that could have been my baby. that i loved. sobbing threw the hole thing i just could not imange why?finally they decide not to do a d.n.c. i was in a catholic hospital, and they do not want to do those things inless you have to. well the next say my sister had dropped my off. she had just said good bye and i had to run to the bathroom. my 2year old son running be hind me. all of the sudden it looked like a jello egg red the size of my fist came out. as i am sobbing my son says mommy ok? i said mommy ok. luckily my dad came over shortly afterwards. he watch my son as i grieved. i called my dr. the next say. they said it could have been the baby if they did not get in the hospital or it could have been the plasnta or both.
the horrible part is idid not have a chance to hold her or him. i did not even now what he or she looked like. and i have no where to give them a proper barrible b/c i am not even sure if i lossed it at home or the hospital. it is a horrible thought to now what remains of human life can be in the hospital disposal or your sewer. i know that i ended up with the wrong guy. it dose not mean that this work out for the best. it dose not mean that i should have lossed my child. i am afaithful women. i love me son who is with me and i love the child that i carried. not my dr but the er dr. said look on the postive side, at lease it you did not go full term and have a headless baby!? and how i could have had problems down the road. and maybe i am to upset but that did not help at all. i do not understand! and i have nightmares over and over. sometimes i hear a child cry. or i donot even sleep all i can think about when my son is asleep and i am in my bed alone is the child i will never get to hold. the clothes and dipers and things to return. at 3mos preg. there was not a lot but still there were things given to me already. how do i deal with the pain? how do i recover? i still have horrible cramps that luckily are comming to an end. i have moodswings that i hate. and horrible headaches! my skin is broken out and i find my self either not eating or non stop eatting. i just want to get my self together so i can be a good role mdel for my son. luckily family has been supportive with him and tried to help me. no one will talk about it. and no one understands. what can i do to make myself healthy? my heart is brokeni feel like i will always be empety. and i never want to see or date a guy again................little loan trying for a 3rd since i loss my 2nd. is there any help?

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