| Subject: Jobber, hosptialized. |
Author:
Jobber
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Date Posted: 19:49:08 03/05/02 Tue
[ Scene opens in a hospital. There is an empty bed directly in front of the camera.
Suddenly, Jobber is seen running from behind the camera to the bed. Jobber is wearing a
hospital gown. Jobber continues to run to the hospital bed and get in. He then looks up at
the camera. ]
Jobber: Hello to all my fans and all CWA fans. It is me, the new guy, Jobber. I
would first like to thank the CWA staff. After several calls and pleas for a camera crew
to come here to the hospital, I was rejected...many times. Who needs a camera crew,
when you got JOBB-O-VISION?
Jobber: I would now like to thank all the support I have gotten since I started the
CWA. As everyone saw, a few days ago I was burnt to a crisp, after someone hit my arm
and scalding hot coffee burnt me! I suffered 7th degree burns. Doctors have ordered me
to take the next three weeks off, due to this injury. Once again, I would like to thank all
the fans for the cards and support.
Jobber: Now, I would like to address Mr. Crippler and his friend, Simply Sexy.
It appears like Crippler wants a match with Jobber, who doesn't? I think just about
everyone in the CWA has asked for a match with me...mostly in private, but they have
still asked for a match...no...they begged...yeah....that’s the ticket. I had THE CWA
champion begging me to take his CWA gold. I don't know what his name is, but he had...
[ Just then, "Big" Rod Johnson walks into the room. ]
Jobber:...CWA gold! Isn't that right, Rod?
Rod: Jobber, you are not talking about the guy that was, in your words, begging,
you to take his CWA gold, are you?
Jobber: As a matter of fact, I am!
Rod: I thought I told you, that guy was not the CWA World Champion, Steve
Richtor! That was some kid who wanted your autograph, that had a fake, plastic, kid's
WWF Championship belt! If you would have spelled your name right on that autograph,
he would have never mocked you and kicked you in your shin! Which would mean you
would never be in this hospital to begin with!
Jobber: I am not in this hospital for a shin injury, I am in this hospital for 5th
degree burns!
Rod: Doctor says you can leave tomorrow.
Jobber: Umm...no. According to my doctor, he says I will have to say in ICU for
another week, before I am moved to the regular ward. I will be in the hospital for over 10
days!
[ Rod looks at Jobber and shakes his head. ]
Rod: Whatever you say.
Jobber: So, have you heard anything else from the CWA?
Rod: Well, as I am sure you are aware of, Crippler has challenged you to a
match. Other then that, it is all quiet.
Jobber: Yes, I was just addressing Crippler when you came in, Rod. You see, the
thing about Crippler...
[ Jobber continues to talk about Crippler, as the camera starts to pan down. ]
Jobber:...dammit! Rod, can you fix the camera?
Rod: What are managers for?
[ Suddenly the camera is back on Jobber, unfortunately, for Rod, it is a bit too high,
so you can only see the top of Jobber's head. ]
Jobber: Crippler, you talk to your little friend as if fighting me would be a piece
of cake. Well, let me tell you something, pal...umm...it won't be that easy. Yeah.
Rod [ From behind the camera. ]: Hey, Jobber, I saw your picture in the
paper, right next to Crippler's. CWA's two newest wrestlers. There might be something
wrong with my eyes, but, wasn't his picture larger then yours?
Jobber: [ Chuckles. ] Size does not matter! You see, Rod, its all about
the motion of the ocean. You see the cli...
Rod [ From behind the camera. ]: I am talking about your picture in the
paper!
Jobber: Oh, yeah....heh, I knew that! Still, size doesn't matter. Infact, usually,
when you have such a fat loser, such as Cripple, they need to get a bigger picture, just so
all of him can fit into the picture. When you have a born winner, like myself, smaller
pictures work!
Rod [ From behind the camera. ]: Yeah...sure.
Jobber: Back to Crippler. When I get in the ring with Crippler...
[ Just then, a fat, ugly nurse, with a huge mole on her upper lip enters. ]
Nurse: You, OUT!
Rod: Yes, ma'am.
Jobber: What is the meaning of this?
Nurse: Its time for your sponge bath, sir.
Jobber: YIPPEE!
Nurse: But first...
[ The camera fades to black as the nurse continues to talk about something. Suddenly,
Jobber beings yelling, which gets faded out. ]
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