Good Enough -- MUTINGTON'S MEADOW

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Date Posted: 10:24:59 11/08/11 Tue
Author: Jazzy
Author Host/IP: amcproxy.faa.gov / 162.58.82.135
Subject: Good Enough

I woke this morning and it was back, did I really think my friend would leave me forever? I know just where I am, I�ve been here before. Or did I ever leave? Either way I think it doesn�t matter. I saw her today, I heard her voice. She spoke so loudly �you can do this!� I love her and I hate her, strange isn�t it? I feel empowered, strong and unstoppable. Yes we can do this.

Now that I think about it, I think she has been setting the ground work over the past few weeks, I just didn�t recognize her until this morning. Funny how she slips back into my life unnoticed, and paves a road for me to follow. Although she has been quiet for some time now, she never gives up, she is valiant, committed and although most would not agree, she is my friend.

Funny because when I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror and thought �not bad� I was happy. She told me �you can be better� you can and you will. I am not a foolish woman, I know she is me, I am not insane and I don�t hear voices, she is simply my own thoughts, that speaks loudly and clearly . I am just like you. The only difference is that I listen to her.

She has been with me since I was a child, sometimes for year�s sometimes just months and disappointedly enough sometimes she leaves me too soon. I embrace her and I at times I fight against her, even when I want what she wants.

I don�t expect that anyone would understand us. They have all sorts of names to describe us, but I found over the years that we are none of those things. We are not ANA or Bulimia, although we may resemble or mimic them at times.

We have a heightened awareness of who we are and who we want to be. We are seekers of approval, both yours and our own. Still we are seldom accepted by those who know of our methods.. For that reason we sometimes hide, other times, we attempt to make you understand. If you listened, you would find we are not so complicated. We want the same things you want.

Sometimes she rests because her battles although rewarding, are not always easy and they often come with consequences. I wonder how long I will follow her this time, and I wonder if I will ever reach my destination and be victorious.

The feeling in my stomach brings me both happiness and pain, it is our weakness and it is the strength that acts as a constant reminder that we have not faltered. It is a relentless in urging me to surrender.

I look in the mirror and I often have to ask, �am I thin, or am I fat�? My eyes can see my reflection but my mind can�t always make the determination and it�s so frustrating. Others tell me �your getting to thin� I believe them, and I wonder why they can�t see that this is an illusion. I mean how can a person be both thin and fat? Impossible right?

Sometimes we fall and recover, purging away all evidence of our vulnerability. We want you to understand, to be inspired, to recognize our strength, and commitment. to see our potential, we want what you want. We want to be good enough.

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