Thank you, Draggie-doll for this post. While the number of visitors per day is slightly down, many of the same people still come here. They just don't post!

In case Draggie has hit the proverbial nail on the head, let me restate what I said when I posted the information about my condition. People become frightened when faced with the impending premature death of someone they know, especially those they like and perhaps admire. I hope I fit into one of those classifications for everyone who knows me. They fear saying the wrong thing, don't know how to relate to someone who is facing death in the near term and are a bit frightened of the knowledge that it could happen to them just as it has to me.

Those who have been around the longest know me. I call a spade a "damned shovel." I would be the worst kind of damned fool and liar if I were to say that I welcome a premature death or accept the prognosis happily. I do not fear death, but neither do I welcome it but I don't and won't shy away from the certainty of it. I do not fear but I am saddened by the prospect. That is normal and natural. It may be the closest thing in my life that anyone could describe as being anywhere near the state of "normalcy."

Discussing my condition does not cause me discomfort. Discussing the process of dying itself does not discomfort me either. Sappy religious platitudes tend to irritate me but honest, open, frank discussions actually encourage me to believe someone does care that I will die sooner than I ought. Everyone here who knows me is aware that I can be a bull-headed, stubborn and even somewhat arrogant debate opponent. If I don't know much about a subject being debated, I will take the time to educate myself with cold, hard, harsh factual data before jumping into the fray. So it is with this situation.

I have picked the brains of doctors and nurses who specialize in people with my condition. From each I have garnered tidbits of information that helps me fill in the colors and natural scenery of the landscape through which I will tread in the days, weeks, months and (hopefully) year or more before me. The reality is that my remaining time on this plane of existence is now measured in days, weeks and months with little or no hope for years. The reality is that dying of lung cancer can be quite painful and devastating to the human body. I take medications to conquer the pain I now have, using my strength of will to exist without those prescription crutches for as long as I am able. There will come a time somewhere in the future when the pain will become so great and the chemotherapy and radiation therapy will diminish the "quality" of my life to an extent greater than would the natural progression of the disease. At that time, I will have to be the one to tell the medical team that it is time to stop using their bells and whistles and let my body fight its fight. Sometime after that, I will probably suffer what they call "breakthrough" pain. That is pain so intense the medicines and pain killers cannot overcome it. Most patients slip into an irreversible coma at that point and simply die without recovering consciousness... thnkfully escaping the pain by means of the coma.

See? I didn't drop dead or dissolve into a bundle of huddled, sobbing hysteria by saying any of that or typing it here. I refuse to do so. I don't want you people to do so either. Until the time I can no longer visit here, I want to be the same typing-challenged Lafcadio T. Lion who is a rascal, bon vivant, raconteur, outrageous madman and fairly knowledgable conversationalist and debater. Even when I can no longer leave the hospital bed that takes up all the previously available floor space in my bedroom, Secreatry Sage will function as the typist relay for the thoughts and comments I will still be able to speak aloud. She and you folks are used to me, so you can bet your life, some will be raw, raunchy and ribald.

You folks would not have me be any other way. Neither will I. Please post, because Draggie-darlin' is exactly right. I read here almost every day, even if I cannot post because of weakness or nausea that is intent on being recorded by Guiness for its intensity. PLEASE POST as you folks once did. That goes for everyone! Z-dr is especially welcome, as is Kamama. Bunny and Roseshadow are encouraged to take a few moments to brighten my day as well. They both do that so well. Brother Herb, Ron and Barb, Mysticsis and Mystraker, Debbie, Hope, Lady Di, REBster, Bidcaller and all the rest are encouraged to stop hanging back and make their presence known here. When you do, you make the days I mark on my short-timer calendar a bit brighter and less burdensome. When I come here and see a new post from someone other than me or Sage, I actually feel a bit better, no matter how intense is the pain from the "thing" that is eating away at my insides or how debilitating is the nausea and weakness I am experiencing.

I know it may be a bit macabre, but remember that I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure in March of 2001. In 2002, they discovered that I have suffered major damage to my heart muscle from what they term two "major cardiac events." In simple, rest-of-us-dummies English, those are two massive heart attacks that left my heart muscle severely damaged. I could check out any day now as a result of my heart punching out permanently. That, as far as I know, is less painful and quicker than lung cancer and it could happen for either cause because of the cancer and the treatments required to keep me alive for as long as possible.

Less than an hour ago, I asked my hospice nurse to promise me that she would alert me when my symptoms indicate I am getting close to the end, if possible. I don't want to go without telling each and every one of you how important you have become in my life and how much I love all of you. Herb, Honey, Hope, Draggie, Ty and others have telephoned to speak with me or Secretary Sage since this became known. Mystraker and I finally got a chance to chat and know one another since then and I am thrilled to include him in that group of special folks in my life. If, as it is stated in many tomes, the greatest treasure in life is loving and being loved and our personal relationships with others, I am wealthier by far than Donald Trump and Bill Gates combined.

You see, Draggie has it right. It doesn't matter what you say or write or what questions you ask. I will not be offended or disturbed. On the contrary, seeing your posts is like a magic elixir that brings a feeling of joy and contentment to me. And, those feelings are not transitory. They sustain me for hours, and even days, after I read them the first time. They have the added value of being available for a booster shot of joy when I read them the third, fourth or tenth time.

For those who have posted here recently, THANK YOU! For those who haven't, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR? ARE YOU PURPOSEFULLY MISSING OUT ON A CHANCE TO MAKE A DYING MAN'S LIFE A BIT EASIER AND WHY?

If you don't post because of your feelings over some wrong I have done to you or shame over something you did to me, forget that! Just post as if that didn't happen. You see, I had to shed that excess baggage from my life so that I had more psychic and emotional energy to fight to stay alive for as long as possible. As Sensei said here often, "It is what it is." It is NOT what it once may have been for me and I don't wnat it to be for you either. It's time to act on the circumstances of now and forget what may have happened in the past. We need not "forget" them, for they are nuggets of treasure that shape our futures. We can, however, use them place in context to enrich the time we have left together and, when I am gone, to spice your memories of me.