| Subject: The Pub, part 4 (nearly done now I hope) |
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Madjael and Namün
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Date Posted: 16:27:54 09/11/02 Wed
Awareness dawned with a flash, like the sudden unveiling of a candle. She was flirting with him! Why was she flirting with him!?! From any other man, his comments would already have earned him a slap, if not something worse. What was she thinking of? She jumped back as if he'd hit her, cheeks already beginning to flame a brilliant red, and trying to ignore the feeling his light touch had sent through her.
I left him. I left him. There were reasons for that. Madjael is not the type of man I need to be with. He's not the type of man any girl needs to be with...
Frantically, she tried to remind herself of why she had walked out on him, but unfortunately, her treacherous mind kept adding the other reasons, the ones she had tried to forget about.
I don't love him.
You're scared of the way he can make you feel.
He's selfish, arrogant and self absorbed. He cares about himself far more than he cares about anyone else.
When he's around, you lose control.
He chases after anything in a skirt.
He knows how to get straight through your defences and persuade you to do what he wants.
He wants to control me.
You're scared he might succeed.
She became aware that he was looking at her oddly, a half smile still on his face as if he knew what was going on in her head. How had she been so taken in? For a few minutes, it had seemed that he had acquired some sensitivity, almost overnight. But now he was just his old self again, using his natural charm to convince her that yes, he was the right one. Except he wasn't. He was the same person he'd always been, the same person she'd found herself running from.
And gods, he was attractive.
"Just...don't, please." she said falteringly. "Don't look at me like that. Don't make me do this. I don't want to have to make this choice right now. How can I even be thinking of leaving the man I love, all for...
You?"
And the last word trailed off into a whisper, to the man who had come back to turn her head upside down again.
Madjael's smile left his face. So she is in love with him.
"Why Namün? Why do you love him?" again he felt himself get angry. Aragorn had a wife, Aragorn also had Namün. Just because he was king didn't mean he could have them both.
On impulse Madjael grabbed Namün's shoulders and shook her, "How can you love him? He cares nothing for you, he's using you! Why can't you see that? You're just keeping the bed warm until his wife returns. He doesn't want you or need you or love you!" he spat the last two words out and seeing the terrified expression on Namün's face let go of her shoulders, turning away from her so she couldn't glimpse the tears coursing down his face.
"And I do. I am the one who is in love with you and it's killing me that you can't see that. I'm trying so hard here, trying to show you, but I can't unless you let me. Namün?" Madjael turned back, looking her straight in her eyes. "I don't know what I can say to make you love me the way I love you. But believe me once, just once Namün. I truly, deeply love you."
Slowly, she nodded. "I believe you. I still think you're wrong, but I believe you."
The sight of the tears on his cheeks made him seem much younger, and more vulnerable, as if he were more an overgrown boy than a Captain in the army. Maybe he couldn't be a tough man all the time. This was a side of himself that he was letting her see for the first time- a deeper side perhaps, although it was strange to think of him as having any depths whatsoever. She took a deep breath.
"I need time, ok? I need to go away and think things through- try to decide what I want." Gently, she added, "And maybe you should too. This isn't one of your passing amusements here. This is love you're talking about and, forgive me, but you've never exactly been big on commitments before. Do you really think the way you feel right now is going to last forever?"
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