Trouble at the Kareoke Bar! -- WIW

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Date Posted: 00:44:19 06/17/02 Mon
Author: "The Pinfall Wizard" Michael Merlin
Subject: Trouble at the Kareoke Bar!

[The scene is in a bar. A kareoke bar to be exact. Michael Merlin is singing on stage to a captive audience of Chantel, Chaos, Jagged, some random girl drooling over Jagged and a bar full of people who have been stripped, gagged, beaten and tied to their chairs and forced to listen to...]

Merlin-[singing] I've got two tickets to paradise. Won't you, pack your bags we'll leave tonight. I've got, two tickets to paradise!!!!!!!

[The Bad Guys clap while the rest of the bar struggles and tries to scream, only to be met by Chaos punching them in the face.]

Merlin- [Not singing] Thank you. Thank you. I'll be here all week. You know nothing says heel like bad kareoke. Except maybe Eddie Money. Eddie Money is the perfect heel. When Jagged wanted to find I bar, this probably wasn't what he had in mind, but nothing relieves stress for my sledge hammer wielding friend here, like kidnapping and assault and battery.

[Taking up the lounge signer pose and addressing the crowd like a bad Wayne Newton impersonator]

Merlin- Speaking of the C man, what's up with him lately. First he did his Gallagher impression on the sound equipment, then he goes and tells Lame Tyler we won't interfere in his match. Hey, it's not like he needs us, but I wanted to be there for moral support. . But hey, if a man has something to prove, then by God let him prove it. A week from today Big C is going to rip open Lame Tyler and Always High and prove, once and for all, that he is the absolute BEST in the industry.
And I for one can't wait for him to do his Gallagher impression on Tyler's head with that sledge hammer. ZING!

[The audience laughs. Reluctantly.]

Merlin- Speaking of Lamey McLamerton, he sure has been running his mouth off a LOT lately. First off he calls my man Eric Doering weak minded. Well, I'm not ready to ditch my Bad Guy friends yet, not until Doering rips Dorksun a new hole at X-plicit. But I'll cheer him on as Doering becomes the next big thing in sports entertainment. That guy is going places. If only he could find a way to mess with Tyler a little more.
Can you believe that Tyler said he was going to get at President Hythe through my man Chaos? Through the title? A brilliant, dedicated man like Mr. Hythe doesn't have time to waste on a JERK-ASS like Tyler. He's a busy man, with a busy agenda and even if, on the slightest, minuscule possibility that Tyler, may, just might win the title on a fluke or a bad ref call, then I would have to make it my personal responsibility that the wrestling unich known as Lame "Too Good To Wear A Shield And Armor To The Ring Anymore" Tyler would never, NEVER bother Mr. Hythe again.[Aside] By the way, very nice cufflinks today, sir, very modern.

[Bad Guys clap and agree. Like him or not, they were nice cufflinks]

Merlin- Then Tyler goes on about how I have no idea what I just stepped into. Well I'm pretty sure I just stepped into the worst smelling, most foul, degrading, useless pile of slow, plodding wrestling dog crap any man could ever have the misfortune of stepping into. But I'm not worried, because Tyler is about as easy to get rid of as his putrid counter part, one swift wipe of my boot and the Personification of Pathetic is gone for good.
He says he runs the game. The only game that chump stain runs is The Crying Game, with that horribly unconvincing drag queen of a wife of his. I don't mean to insult the "lifestyle" of Lame and his husband, but I'm glad that the adoption agencies are becoming more accepting for gay couples. No offense, but he is the one that said he was in a flaming circle of fire, and, lets face it, no one is more flaming than Tyler.
He's more gay than Elton John dressed in a Leberache outfit, smoking a Virginia Slim cigarette while riding the Magic Tea Cup ride at Euro Disney and listening to the Diana Ross concert for the Greek Navy.
You're not pulling me into any flames, Lame-O, the Pinfall Wizard respects your choice, but just doesn't swing that way.

Merlin- The Imitator of Excellence also claimed that he never lost. That no one ever one up-ed him, Well, I beg to differ. There is one man who Tyler never got the better of, who he could never out smart and never out heel. My mentor, The Extreme Icon Maynard Sullivan. Tyler, you NEVER beat him and you never will, and it's eating you up inside. True, I may never be able to destroy the Warrior, but you can never destroy Maynard, so you come after me instead. You said I was more dangerous than Maynard, and you're right. I may or may not be better in the ring, but as far as dangerous, I've got a LOT more to prove, and that means there is nothing, and I do mean NOTHING I won't do to make you cry like the little girl you are.
You've got a weakness, Tyler. A weakness I can exploit and a weakness I don't have. Vigor talked about it. He knows what I'm talking about. Gold fever. You've got it bad. You need that title, Tyler. You crave it. You crave it, and you know the fans are the way to get to it. That fever is going to burn inside you until you get the hit you need to keep it coming. You're just another junkie, Innovator of Flatulence, and my my Chaos here has the score you need to get that monkey off you're back. But how long can you take that heat. How long can you survive that addiction. You're willing to put your life, your body, your family on the line for a leather strap, man. You say you've got another five years to your career, I say you're lucky to have five months. Cause if you want that title, if you REALLY want it, then I'm going to put you through the ringer to make sure you're got what it takes to keep it. Sunday's barbed wire match is going to be nothing, because as long as you keep chasing that belt, then I'll be right there to make sure every drop of blood in your body is spilt chasing it.

Merlin- There are more important things than the World Title, Tyler. Like my Intercontinental Title. The greatest Championship on the planet. It makes me the champion of anyone on a continent, so with the exception of Chaos and the lost city of Atlantis, I'm the best there is. Tyler you care about family, and money and style. That makes you weak to the pleasures of the flesh, unlike our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. You say there is none better, well we all know that Christ is better than you, and I'm...BETTER THAN JESUS. If smoking cigarettes is what Jesus would do, then I don't need them! I'm WAY better than that loser.
Then there is family. Tyler, family is important. I'm going to give you one last chance to back out of your title match, Thank about your Man-Wife. Think about your children. Think about your brother. What kind of example are you setting for the stars of tomorrow?

Merlin- But Tyler has been right about three things. One, changing his entrance music. Praise Jesus. What am I saying, Praise Me. I thought of it. At least now, when Chaos smashes your skull open, I won't have to listen to [spitting in disgust] Creed. They totally rip of Pearl Jam. They sound more like Eddy Vedor than Eddy Vedor.
Two, Tyler was right when he said he can't out heel the King of Zing! That's me. I beat up old ladies, starving children, and I sign Eddie Money. What more can you do?
But, most importantly, he said that Chaos couldn't come up with the idea of putting Shane's daughter front row center, and he's right. Chaos did have some help, but it wasn't from Chantel.
Who do you think it was, Tyler. Could it be from the most devious, sick, twister, maniacal bastard in this company? Could it be from the the man who has spit on you and your entire tradition since day one? I'll give you a hint, Tyler: The man who wants your daughter dead, has a calm, Delawarean head! IT RHYMES, SO IT'S TRUE!!!

Merlin- And as far as Smock goes, he's been REAL quite lately. Mostly cause I haven't messed with his mind enough in these last few day. [Uncomfortable pause] But I will. Just you wait, Smock. I will. Because this Sunday, Smock/Merlin comes to a head, and I can't wait for the powder keg!

Merlin- Now, does this place have any Bjork I could sing?

[Everyone screams in horror!!!!]

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