And the winner is... -- WIW

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Date Posted: 20:59:51 07/04/02 Thu
Author: "The Pinfall Wizard" Michael Merlin
Subject: And the winner is...

[The scene opens to chow "The Pinfall Wizard" Michael Merlin standing behind a fireworks stand, his WIW World title strung over his shoulder.]

Merlin- And hello once again, boys and girls. It's everybody's favorite King of Zing here once again, only this time I'm celebrating in Fourth of July fashion, with good, old fashioned American fireworks! Even though most fireworks are made overseas, but since 49 out of 50 states suck anyway, why should I bother celebrating American Independence, when it was Delaware that got the ball rolling. We were the first state, and everybody else just tagged along. Copycat jerk-asses ruined it for the rest of us.

[A child rushes up to the counter]

Child- Can I have some fireworks, Mister?

Merlin- [In an insulting Oriental accent] Twelve dollar!

Child- Okay, mister.

[Money is exchanged and the child runs off with a bucket of fireworks.]

Merlin- But I know you aren't here to hear my views on why the rest of America sucks, so I'll get right to the point. You want to know who, WHO gets a shot at my title at the next Rampage? Well, I did say the person who suffereed the most depraved, dusgusting humiliation would win, but there are so many choices, thanks to those Twita-ma-Whatzit people, so here goes:

Smock- No way. That guy was crippled so badly he won't be able to walk, much less fight for a LONG time. No match for him.

Lame Tyler- He was beaten pretty badly. Twice. But I already beat him for the title, so I don't know.

Craven- Yeah, he was pretty badly beaten, but Craven is a big, NAMBLA tresurer, JERK-ASS, so I don't know about him either.

And then there is...White Devil! That guy had to fight, and nearly jobbed to, a girl! How humiliating!

Merlin- So what am I to do? WHAT am I to do?[Uncomfortable pasue] Well, what? Hey, I've got an idea. I won't decide, I'll let people who aren't BETTER THAN JESUS decide!
So let it be known that on Rampage it will be a Triple Threat Match: Craven vs. Lame Tyler vs. White Devil and the winner will IMMEDIATELY face me in a shot for my World Title.

Merlin- Now I know what you're thinking, "That's not fair that you get to face a amn who has already been beaten and battered" Well if you've got a better way, I'd like to hear it. Wait. No I owuldn't. Shut up, you! And remember, that while you think my stipulations are mean, they're not mean...

[An explosion is heard and the child is on fire and running across the scene screaming bloddy murder]

Merlin- ...they're Methanpheta-MEAN!

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