Not So Good Humor Man -- WIW

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Date Posted: 22:19:52 07/07/02 Sun
Author: "The Pinfall Wizard" Michael Merlin
Subject: Not So Good Humor Man

[The scene shows a pleasant suburban street with happy children playing happy children games. In the distance the faint tones of "The Entertainer" can be heard as the children rush off to the ice cream truck that inevitably follows the tune.
The truck stops and the side is lifted to reveal "The Pinfall Wizard" Michael Merlin in a Good humor outfit and his WIW World Championship slung over his shoulder.]

Merlin- There, there, boys and girls, no rush. There is plenty of ice cream to go around for all you good little girls and boys. What's the rush? You're running faster than an audience from a Trash Strife promo. Now, who wants a fudge sickle?

[The children clamor up and down, exchanging money for their delicious treats of chocolate goodness.]

Merlin- Wow. You kids sure are hungry. Maybe not as hungry as a certain Dunce Warrior I know. Now Craven, he's a hungry guy. Hungry for revenge. Hungry for gold. Hungry to get noticed since it feels like he's taken a break for the last month. Honestly, when was the last time the man had a match anyone cared about? He's been sleeping his way through this fed for too damn long, and it's time for a wake up call.
Not that I can blame him, who has he had to fight in the last month? Chaos? Jagged? They were just dead weight in the Bad Guy Lounge. I put that belt on Chaos, I brought Jagged into this fed, and how did they re-pay me? With half assed attempts at matches and boring promos that make Trash look like William Jennings Brian? They failed, so I kicked them out! I should have listened to Doering and dumped those guys a LONG time ago.
But now Doering has his own stable, and I'm proud of him. And while I fully support the actions of Twisted Youth, I don't think the King of Zing will be joining them. They do their thing; I do my thing, and more power to them.

[Merlin, with a large smile on his face, hands more and more ice cream to the children, all wondering why the ice cream man is talking about wrestling.]

Merlin- But enough about me. What do you think about me?[Uncomfortable pause] That wasn't rhetorical, I really want to know. I want to know if you hate me? Have I done enough to earn your disdain? Have I been cruel enough, meniachial enough, mean, wait, I mean Methanpheta-MEAN enough to cause the great Drunk Warrior to hate The Prodigy of Pain?
I don't think I have. I think that I've been lacking in my uber-heelness as of late, despite the fact you know I'm great. THAT RHYMES, SO IT'S TRUE!
Craven says that he's wrestled one, two, three times a lady... three matches in one night. And I say YEA for Craven. Let's hold a parade commemorating all the dull things Craven used to do. Now when you won three matches, Craven, was that before or after you started hanging out in the rafters when Maynard broke your brain?

[The last of the children collect their ice cream and begin in run into the streets to play once more.]

Merlin- Well, Craven, in all your accomplishments, there is one thing you have never done. Beat me. In fact, no one on the roster has EVER beaten me. Come to think of it, no one has ever beaten White Devil in the WIW. Now don't you think that puts you at a disadvantage, Craven? Of course you don't. Good guys remain optimistic. And that's what I like about you good guys, you're predictable. But me, now I'm anything but predictable.

Merlin- Let's go back a few months, Craven. Do you remember you're first appearance in the WIW? Do you remember who interrupted your little bruja-ha? Remember who brought in your worst enemy into this federation?
The first time any two WIW wrestlers came face to face was you and I Craven. And that day you dismissed me as a punk kid looking to make himself on your name. [Holds up his World title] Well, this means I've made a name for myself. We've outlasted them all, Craven.
Tyler, Maynard, Deathsun, Shock, Vigor, Chaos...all gone. That leaves us, palley boy. The first two, and the last two. This has been building up for three months now. For the record, my money is on White Devil, but in my heart I hope it's you. I can't wait to see what you are willing to do for the richest prize in the game. I can�t wait to take on the man who's come back from insanity. And more importantly, I can't wait to pin his shoulders to the mat and show him why I'm better than he is, better than those who left are and ...BETTER THAN JESUS!

[Screams are heard in the background as Merlin pulls out an empty bag labeled "Broken Shards of Glass & Razor Blades" as children bleeding from their mouths come running across the camera shot.]

Merlin- That's where I put the glass. In the ice cream. How clumsy!

[Merlin shrugs in a happy, smiling, "Leave in to Beaver" manner as the scene fades]

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