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No name (Sick of not existing)
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Date Posted: 18:02:13 03/09/09 Mon
In reply to:
's message, "Re: San Francisco/Sacramento NON Support Group" on 20:24:19 04/07/06 Fri
>Non-Bp stressed by BP to the point I'm sick. Bp looks for any excuse to abandon and/or not talk to me. When I express how much this hurts me, Bp will just ignore me as if I don't exists. When I express how this ignorning action makes me feel as though I'm not wanted and makes me feel as though he doesn't want to be with me, Bp will continue to ignore me as if I've said nothing. But will insists that he is getting better because he went to library. Mind this is not the first time BP has gone to library to read about BPD, that has happened often. When Bp comes back will bypass me as if I still don't exists (Same action that I explained is hurting me.) When I as a non-bp ask if BP wants to still be married BP will say yes that is why he is in therapy and that he is getting better, but his actions fail to show it??? Or show any real believable change. Like the walking on eggshells book, I'm darned if I do and darned if I don't. When I stop the things he says makes him upset, I get the same reaction a very angry person who will leave and abandon me, treat me like I don't exist and did not express this very action is what is causing strife in the house. BP sees reaction, and gets upset, but never seems to realize he is the one that causes the reaction. If BP were to have light a match and the house burned down, he would be more focused on the fact that the house burned down, but never understands so that a lesson can be learned that he shouldn't play with matches. So the cycle would begin in the next house, he would burn it down, again, and again, never truly learning although he has been told repeatedly if you don't want the house to burn down don't play or light the match in the house. Although I tell how much certain actions hurt me, he will repeat them the same day or the next day as if I had not said anything, but yet he acts as though I have disrepected him if I bring it up again. I'm sick of not existing in his world, being made to feel as though it is all my fault he doesn't want to be around me, when I am constantly trying to find out what I did wrong so that I can correct my behaviour if that is truly the case in how I am making "him" feel (Be it true or not). When I feel emotionally strong enough to handle whatever anger probs and accusations I know Im going to get I will approach him in a calm manner, trying to find out how I can make things better.
He'll say he doesn't know or nothing and barely say anything to me for days or weeks from that point on (occasional hello's). But yet when I tell him what I need him to try and stop doing on his end immediately after he does a certain action to relieve me feeling like he doesn't want me he'll out of no where..then bring up things that happened days, weeks or years ago that I didn't even know bothered him to begin with??? He'll literally duffle bag things and throw them at me when thats not necessary I would have appreciated him letting me know when I offended him as well, constructive critism is good to me. But its hard to take when I'm in my emotional hurt state because he just hurt me in action and I have asked repeatedly what I need to work on in the days, hours, weeks before, and he say's nothing. When he makes me cry BP will storm out of the house refusing to talk to me once again or to even try to come to some type of happy medium over a several week period as if he wants to punish me. BP only lets me know his needs without warning when I am upset, and then refuses to talk to me to try and work out whatever the problem is?? And the leaving me alone, him coming in at 10pm, going straight to the bedroom, shutting the door, watching TV, going to sleep, without even trying to kiss and make up for weeks at a time, is literally making me sick of not existing to this person who seems happier alone, and if I try to interfer with that, I'll be shown once again that I BETTER NOT EXIST if I know what's good for me. I've read that some BP's love you one minute and the next they treat you like they can't stand you, in my case my BP husband has told me repeatedly that he does not love me, and has shown it with actions to match, but yet will blame me for saying he doesn't love me and later tells me its not that he doesn't love me, it's that he doesn't love himself. When asked then why can't you just say you love me, will then tell me it is because "I" wouldn't believe him, so once again blaming me. He's alway detatched from me emotionally, as if I don't exists and my feelings just don't matter to him. But yet he'll het upset if I ask him if he truly wants to stay together because it feels as though he has already divorced me, and once again that makes him angry that I would even ask such a question.?? I'm sick of not existing..BP never attached to me in any kind of way, he shows repeatedly he happy alone, but won't leave because he say's he wants to stay together. And its agains my religion to leave without biblical grounds...And I'm not the one who acts as though I want to be single..
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