ZachReview: StoneCold -- Cyber Scripts

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Search | Check update time ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 05:54:09 07/28/02 Sun
Author: ZachsMind
Subject: ZachReview: StoneCold
In reply to: :o) 's message, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Episodes 01 - 05" on 02:09:17 04/14/02 Sun

CAUTION: If you haven't read Stone Cold yet please do so now. The following is a critique addressed to the writers, but in a public forum so anyone who's already read it can peruse & comment, but I don't wanna spoil the fun for you if you haven't already read it so stop reading this and go read Stone Cold. Thanks.

Brief critique: Holy cow!

More Detail:
First off I should point out I understand things change in later episodes. This criticism is just about Stone Cold. I haven't read the others yet. I have read the criticisms on this thread prior to my own, so I'm aware you've made changes in the following installments. Just gonna throw down my piece here. I'd also like to point out I attempted a similar project on my own. I wrote five scripts (they kinda poured outta me awhile back after watching the season 6 finale) and you can feel free to <A rel=nofollow target=_blank HREF="http://www.zachsmind.com/buffy/">check them out</A> if'n ya wanna. I picked up after "Grave" just like y'all did, but I took my approach in a remarkably different direction. I find it fascinating to read how others see the potential here too. Whedon's season seven's gonna be a blast, but it's also a blast experiencing other visions like yours online. Oh, and one of my pieces took place in season six and is self-contained. House of Mirrors came to me about the same time but didn't have anything to do with season seven. I'm not pointing this out here to steal your thunder. Just trying to establish that I'm not just some stupid big mouth... Well alright I am! But I've also taken my stab at writing season seven so I have a bit of perspective on what y'all must have gone through.

Okay. Enough with the self-plug. On to the criticisms.

I agree with the previous points by earlier posters. The song lyrics were very distracting. I understand the desire to get those in there, and it did sit well in keeping with the show. Sometimes it does seem the choice of music used by the M.E. gang seems to act as a "greek chorus" expressing the feelings & tensions in the subtext of the dialogue. Very good choices for music, but the lyrics interspersed with the dialogue just kept throwing me out of the moment. A big example of this was at The Bronze. Actually that whole thing with Xander & Buffy dancing and then Willow saw her and Tara dancing.. Maybe I would have liked it better without the song lyrics, but overall that whole thing didn't seem to forward the plot to me. It was mostly foreshadowing, with the two leering vampires luring the female away.. Although I did like the bit where Willow cautions Dawn about fighting and Dawn adamantly jumped into the fray. Nice touch there. I do predict Dawn will be less whiny and more of a spitfire in season seven.

The B/X'ing was in my opinion a nice touch. It's good to see writers who understand how Whedon likes to fake us out. As a writer myself I could see that your use of B/X was just a ruse, but it was still fun to watch it playing out. I kept thinking as I read the first half of the script, "well this is all gonna change soon as Anya & Spike re-enter the picture" and it sure as hell did. However, y'all handled it VERY well. Whedon would be smirking goodnaturedly in your general direction.

Using the Dawn diary motif from the start of Season Five's "Real Me" was a nice homage, but visually it wouldn't have worked well if you actually got to film this. It slows down the pacing early on and you wanna hit the audience fast in the first episode. I did a similar homage in my work "You Slay Me" which was for me the start of my fictitious season seven. However, I used Dawn in a distinctively different way. Again, it's just interesting how different people can approach similar subject matter in contrasting ways. Also, when Dawn was in Spike's crypt I was screaming for Clem. That scene would have worked better had she not been doing it solo. I'd just suggest holding back on the Dawn voiceovers. There's a reason why Whedon hasn't really used that much since "Real Me."

You were still struggling with the deep angst of season six, and letting it bleed over into your works for season seven. Personally I adore that, because I happen to think the darkness of season six was a plus overall for the series. We're talking about vampires after all. The Buffy tv series should be a bit more dramatic and even gothic than earlier seasons. However at the same time it's a bit of a downer. Recent interviews with Joss Whedon suggest he's forcibly going to go more lighthearted in season seven cuz season six went a bit too dark for the audience's taste. So for me it was just nice to see through y'all's eyes just how keeping to the darkness would still fly well.

Dialogue wise there were moments when a pithy humor comment coulda broken the ice more. When Buffy met Willow in the bell tower, I was hoping for some funny oneliner in there to break up the mood. M.E.'s good at that. Finding a way to use humor in a touching moment like that. I was reminded of Johnathan's suicide attempt which Buffy thwarted back in that episode where she got telepathy briefly.

Very nice handling of Anya, especially when she was trying to comfort Dawn. Tricky moment there. Very hard to do Anya dialogue because of the way Emma Caulfield plays her. I call it intelligent dippy. The way Emma cocks her head to one side with a 'nobody home' stare and then says something deadpan honest. Or how she just throws away a comment flippantly that reveals her character's thousand years of life experiences. You played her very subtle and that's the best way to do it.

Some notable tableaus in Stone Cold which painted great visuals in the mind's eye include:

The Xander/Buffy fight scene in the training room. Very good descriptions. And I really felt Xander had picked up a few tricks and could believably hold his own against her, even though she was obviously holding back for his benefit. Lots of playful interaction there, and the chemistry between SMG & NB has always been plucky. That woulda been fun to actually see on screen. I also loved how Xander kicked ass against two vamps when saving Dawn and Anya. I always knew that bastard had it in him! LOL!

Willow touching Tara's grave, then using magic to dust a vamp. Wow! That worked extremely well. I wasn't so pleased with the following scene where she rips up the room in a psychotic goodbye. That just didn't seem in character for me. Sure she's upset, but whether she's crayon breaky or scary veiny, Willow tends to not lose it quite like that. She's just more methodical in her nervous breakdowns. Probably because she thinks too much.

The creative use of the ruins of Sunnydale High lent even more great visuals, like the sunset and Orion's belt. This added to the dark motif but again that was working for me. M.E. hasn't ever really returned to that place since season four when a chipped Spike learned he could kill demons. Interesting choice of having it be where Willow would go. To harken back to the times before Tara. Before Glory. Before even when she lost Oz. Back when things were comparatively simpler.

Overall a great read and an excellent waste of my time. Really. I had a blast. Thanks for sharing your vision of season seven with the world. Here's hoping you go farther along in writing than I did. I had to stop after four episodes cuz I already see how I'd wanna make way too many changes. I'd have to start from scratch. But best of luck to your project.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Thanks for posting -- Jonny (writer), 10:44:13 07/28/02 Sun