Subject:  For all the Ladies...Time to renew your contracts! |
Author:
Step
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Date Posted: Wednesday, May 29 2002, 8:25pm
I know some of you have seen this before. Thought it'll be a good idea to renew our vows.
> >
> > THE OPEN-TOE SHOE CONTRACT
> >
> > Ok ladies, the weather is warming up and it's
> > time to re-pledge our allegiance, so...
> > Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:
> >
> > "As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I
> > pledge to follow the rules when I wear sandals
> > and other open-toe shoes.
> >
> > I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My
> > toes will not hang over and touch the ground;
> > nor will my heels spill over the backs.
> > The sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out
> > between the straps and look like sausages.
> >
> > I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish
> > fresh, intact and chip-free.
> > I will not cheat and only touch up
> > my big toe if that's all that shows.
> >
> > I will sand down any mounds of skin before they
> > turn crusty, hard, cracked and/or yellow.
> >
> > I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
> >
> > I won't wear pantyhose with my sandals even if
> > my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother,
> > or sister tells me the toe seam really will
> > stay under my toes if I tuck it under.
> >
> > If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue
> > or tuck it back into place, hoping it will stay
put I will get my shoe fixed (before wearing
it) or toss it.
> > I will not live in corn denial, rather I will
> > call on my good friend Dr. Scholls if my
feet need him.
> >
> > I will resist the urge to buy Jelly Shoes at
> > Payless for the low, low price of $4.99,
> > even if they feel okay when I try them on.
> > This is out of concern for my safety, and the
> > safety of others. No one can walk properly when
> > standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate
> > to take someone down with me as I fall and break
> > my ankle from wearing cheap, plastic shoes.
> >
> > I will take my toe ring off toward the end of
> > the day so my toes won't swell and
> > begin to look like Vienna sausages.
> >
> > If I have been privy to the magic of Foot Soap,
> > I will share that knowledge and experience
> > with the non-initiated.
> >
> > I will be brutually honest with my
> > girlfriend/sister/coworker
> > when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to
> > wear sandals. Someone has to tell her
> > that her toes are as long as fingers
> > and no sandal makes creepy feet look good."
> >
> > *the end*
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