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Date Posted: 20:58:31 07/11/04 Sun
Author: Still grieving
Subject: Mama Gillen ... please help
In reply to: AMY Gillen{Iam Ray Gillen mother} 's message, "Re: All about Ray Gillen..." on 15:19:21 11/23/03 Sun

Today I was reading some of the posts on Ray and didn't realize there was more on him on subsequent pages, and so I read back to more than a year ago.

I can't imagine reading some of the comments has made Mama Gillen happy--even some of the ones that I've made. I'm guilty, too, of asking too much about how he died. And much of it stems from having a HUGE crush on him when he was alive. And even now sometimes I have dreams about him. Not that he's still alive, but that his spirit talks to me as if telling me to let him go, let him rest.

I don't know. I haven't figured the dreams out yet, but knowing somewhat his personality and talking to those who knew him, I really believe in my heart no matter how we grieve for him that he would want us to stop speculating on his death--I just haven't gotten to the point where I can stop speculating. I wish I could grant what I perceive to be his wish.

I think it must have pained him that he was struck by such a dreadful and taboo disease, and he wanted the rest of the time to try to regain some dignity (which he NEVER really lost--it may have just felt that way to him) before he went in.

I nor anyone else has really said anything derogatory about Ray, but Mama Gillen is his mother, and mothers don't like to hear or see their children looked upon in a negative way.

The thing is: He died in somewhat of a negative way. And I'm sure he didn't deserve to die the way he did--no one deserves to be ravaged unless they are unstoppably evil. And even then, only God--let me say this again: Only God can judge. He willed it that Ray die that way. He didn't choose for Ray to really have true fame until after he died--I don't know why. And only then when God calls us all in, may we be so inclined to hear His reason for everything--even our owns shortcomings.

The other thing, too, is Ray was living somewhat of a risky life. Unless he got a blood transfusion, then I believe he contracted AIDS from unsafe sex WITH A WOMAN. Please stop saying that he was gay and that he was a drug user. I have nothing against homosexuals, but erroneous information about a person's character is very hurtful. He was neither gay nor a drug addict. He was simply a man who loved women. Women loved him. I loved him. And I understand why I never got to meet Badlands because I am so totally sure I would be where he is now because I would have slept with had he asked me--I was so infatuated with him.

At the very least, I ask Mama Gillen: If you have the strength, help everyone on this website who has ever speculated anything about him on any plane, help us put him to rest and let him go so that he can finally be remembered for his music.

I want to let him go, but I don't know how.

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