10 good uses for dead Christians -- KILL CHRISTIANITY DEAD!!!

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Date Posted: 23:46:17 09/11/00 Mon
Author: Chad Kelly
Subject: 10 good uses for dead Christians

Let's face it, dead Christians just aren't as aggravating as live ones; so here's a few tips on what to do with the ensuing bloodbath of the purification.

1.) Just about everyone has a table or chair with one leg shorter than the other. The dismembered hand or other smaller part of a Christian, placed under the table leg, will help even things out.
2.) Necrophilia (Shut up! Don't say you haven't thought about it!)
3.) Dry, then stretch the skin of the deceased Protestant or Catholic to cover drum kit when drum-heads wear out.
4.) Rendered body-fat of no longer living God-fearing sheep will keep your oil-lamps and home-made candles burning bright, and is energy efficient.
5.) Grind up a healthy number of God's elite and sell at black-metal concerts. Christian meat usually goes for about 2.99 per pound.
6.) Christian skull's make great paperweights or desk-ornaments. There's usually not even much of a brain to remove, so that saves time.
7.) Feed them to your dogs or cats.
8.) Target practice. (note: this is also good with Christians who are still alive.)
9.) Find their closest living relative. Prop their body up near the front porch after it's had several weeks to decompose. Put the corpse in a cheesy Christian shirt, and include a card that reads "I'm in Heaven, I'm in Heaven." Capture the horrified look of the relative on film and post on internet.
10.) Dress the body up in drag, leave out in public. Another Christian scandal.

Whatever you do, wash your hands before and after handling Christians, as not to spread disease.

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