| Subject: lol, i know i'm not sam, but >>> |
Author:
.Cassie.
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Date Posted: 08:23:33 06/01/02 Sat
In reply to:
Daydreamer
's message, "How does this sound?" on 17:53:02 05/29/02 Wed
ok, here goes!
1 - great job on length and description! it tells a lot about what is going on and is long enough to sound like you made an effort, but short enough to hold attention!
2 - The next thing you need to work on is using more interesting or "high class" words (not that you're low class) (by the way, great use of adjectives! (Describing words)) instead of using a semi-common work like "quickly", try using something like rapidly, hastily, swiftly, hurridly, etc! the same goes for nice, cool and maybe even beautiful. (actually, i just read it over again and you DID use the word hurridly! good job for not using the same word twice!)
3 - unless i missed something, you get 100% for spelling! wow! way to go!
4 - one more tip that might make things more interesting is to start and use more complex sentences. (make sure you don't get too carried away, though!) for example - instead of "you enter a beautiful forest*there are trees of all kinda surrounding you" try something like "you enter a breathtaking forest, numerous kinds of trees immediately surrounding you"
oops, dinner time! more later!
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