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Subject: I got a whole day off....


Author:
Samantha
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Date Posted: 05:56:03 06/11/02 Tue
In reply to: Lauren 's message, "Anyone got a sec?" on 11:08:16 06/08/02 Sat

Looks good... looks vera good... Using big words *giggles*

First, " dance ;pon " should be " dance 'pon " I think... just a small little error there.

You've used such awesome big words that make the reader stop and think about what's happeneing, but for some reason that second sentance doesn't seem to fit. It's like the entire post was written by an advanced player, and then that second one is by a beginner or something else. You usually don't want to tell the reader what they're seeing, you want to imply what they're seeing. You can try something more implicatory. " Built with a severe physique, a matching cynical molding feminine etiquette, a quick glance could be deceiving. " Something more like that implies that she's not what she appears to be, but it doesn't simply tell the reader 'she's not what she appears to be'. The beauty of RPing is saying something without actually saying it.

Other than that, I think it looks great. Spelling seems good, although who can tell with all those big words, heh. The only downfall to using big words is you tend to get less replies, because a lot of people get scared to reply to something like that. So you may have to go out and reply to them to get notice, but it's a nice post for sure. ;]

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Replies:
Subject Author Date
Thanks for reading...Lauren19:12:39 06/11/02 Tue


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