| Subject: Alright... |
Author:
Samantha
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Date Posted: 08:40:36 07/03/02 Wed
In reply to:
Reflected Desires
's message, "I'm just a youngin' with no good ideas. Keep that in mind when reading. ( I typo alot, too)" on 17:14:04 06/20/02 Thu
Well, first of all, if you make a lot of typoes, be sure to reread your posts, or write them in a word processor so you can spell check before posting them. Most people are usually forgiving as long as there aren't an extensive amount of typoes and as long as they aren't interrupting the reading. Secondly, you sentance structure could use a bit of work. Some of your sentances are fragments, and others are simply short and choppy. Try to connect your sentances. Here's a few examples.
Where you wrote.. "Examination of life from the darkness soon ceased. Vermilion flesh massaged thouroughly with a crisp caress." I would have connected those. I would have written something to cause the text to flow better, so that even if people aren't all that interested, their eyes continue reading, and before they know it, they're done. If they can find a hitch or a place to stop easily, they just might. But if it flows and doesn't seem complete until they've read it all, chances are they'll continue. Here's what I would have put.. "Examination of life ceases, darkness stripping away as vermillion flesh shifts out, massaged thoroughly with a crisp caress." It flows a bit more. However, the other mistake I see a lot [not in your post] is continuing a sentance too long to try and make it flow. If you read a post out loud and you have to take a breath in the middle of speaking a sentance, it's too long. That's a good way to make sure your sentances stay within a good boundary.
The second thing I noticed was fragments. A fragment is an incomplete sentance. I'll use the most obvious example.. "Respect to the shadows, as they accept her presence within the sanction." Now that sentance can be fixed very easily with one small word. Is. Respect IS shown to the shadows... Don't be afraid to use small words... is, as, the, like... Those words are needed. These days everyone wants to have posts full of words that are too big to even fit in their mouths... You need the small words to hold it all together. There is nothing wrong with the small words, and in fact, they make your post better for a larger audience. The key to writing a good psot is not to use the biggest words, to have the best html, to write the longest... it's to be appealing to the most number of players so that you'll get the most replies back.
I hope some of this has helped you. I don't mean to sound harsh. Your post was very good, however the slightly disjointed quality of it would turn me away if I weren't in the mood to decipher it. However, sometimes a slightly disjointed quality is good in a post.. if you're writing as an big, evil stallion, for example, short and choppy sentances give the impression of ugly and powerful. Long, smooth sentances give the idea of grace and beauty. So it also depends on the image you're trying to convey.
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