Author:
Secular Ken
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Date Posted: 21:29:06 04/20/03 Sun
As Ronald Reagan was fond of saying, "There you go again!" Honestly, I can't understand why people have to ruin perfectly good holidays with their kooky religious overtones. Keep your crucifixes out of my Easter Egg hunt, and I'll let you have a bite of chocolate! Deal? No?
Okay, I'll see your Holy Sepulcher and raise you one Easter Bunny, a Santa Claus, and eight tiny reindeer. There! Put up or shut up!
Sorry for that outburst. I am trying to envision Jesus giving his PowerPoint Presentation on the Mount. "Sorry folks, the damn thing crashed again. I think it's this frigging wireless mouse. Don't gimme that Macintosh crap, pal. Ever heard of Adam? Apple didn't pan out so good for him, did it? Anyway, turn to your printed notes, and let's see... where was I... lilies of the field... ah, yes! Here we are. Hey! I'm not finished here! If you want to chat amongst yourselves, there's plenty of room in Hell, okay?"
Lordy, Lordy.
Sorry, I've been so scarce lately. I hope to get my remarks in here before Voy's server is struck by lightning and devoured by a miraculously large swarm of unusually hungry aphids. Not that you'd know the difference.
Yeah, I've been working stupid hours, rivalling my Radio Shack days. We've changed our entire billing system, every system we use to service customers, and instituted a ludicrously overblown system for documenting every tiny adjustment made to every customer's handset. This required twenty-four hours of counterproductive training for each and every employee. Since we were already down two people in my department, and since this training and system rollout was followed closely by the inevitable system glitches, another round of lengthy counterproductive training on another topic altogether, and two more employees gone on FMLA, it's been a freaking circus and no cotton candy.
Took Easter coming along just to get a stinking day off. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you Lord!
Anyhoo, I've been keeping up with the woefully limited goings-on here in the Hogalum "Funhouse." Let's see, someone stole Jeff's CD's. Boo hoo! And John hates Voy Forums. Boo boo hoo hoo! And Jeff is blissfully trying to sort out the difference between sex and love. There's something we can sink our teeth into!
Jeff, it's simple. Maybe you can explain it to Doreen like this: See, sex is a process, while love is the product. If you want to create lots of units of a product, say, love, you have to fire up the processing mechanism, in this case, sex. When you have lots and lots of sex, many units of love will be produced as product, hence the phrase, "making love." Oftentimes, however, unpleasant by-products may result from the sex process. Therefore, the wise love producer utilizes prophylactic measures to reduce the likelihood of certain unwanted side-effects. Also, large quantities of unsold units of love improperly warehoused can result in hostile takeovers, often referred to in the love industry as "marriage." In case of such an adverse development, it is wise to keep an ample supply of surplus love available to sell off as necessary. This will keep sufficient capital available to maintain liquidity during the inevitable slowdown in sex operations.
Hope that helps.
Got a call from my old buddy Dave Sanderson. He was the guy I told you about who I trained to be a RS manager, and who pulled himself up by his own bootstraps, kicked drugs, got married, and settled down in Cottonwood, Arizona. He's getting a divorce. Losing everything. He's going to buy a motorcycle and disappear. Lordy, Lordy.
My own social life is every bit as satisfying. Lordy, Lordy.
Yeah, I'm alive, though. Just put up another Magnetron chapter today. I got an email from some guy who wants me to write a script for his online radio show. Don't flip out, though, Jeff, I think he's strictly small fry, although he's got some pretty good voice talent. They've begun a creditable production of an original Dr. Who story. We'll see how this goes. I'm guessing I won't be retiring any time soon, though.
Voy Forums giving you grief, John? I can't explain it. If it's the only site that's giving you trouble, you've eliminated your computer as the culprit. But I don't have a problem with it, and neither does Jeff, apparently, so it must be your computer. Except it can't be. But it must be. Except that's not possible. Even though it has to be. But it can't be. Lordy, Lordy!
Anyway, since I have given everyone ample opportunity to squawk at my half-baked idea of registering hogalum.org and no one has yet squawked, I guess I'll be doing that soon. You can all get email addresses like satyros@hogalum.org if you want, I don't know. I'll put up Magnetron there, and a new discussion board similar to Curt's old board, with teeny tiny photos. And lotsa emoticons for Jeff. And other stuff.
Well, that's it for ol' Secular Ken. Have a great Easter, and remember that too many hardboiled eggs can cause digestive problems curable only with enormous quantities of beer.
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