Talking Turkey with the Big Bads (Spoilers through S7 "Never Leave Me") -- Better Buffy Fics

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Date Posted: 14:51:44 02/28/03 Fri
Author: Gyrus
Subject: Talking Turkey with the Big Bads (Spoilers through S7 "Never Leave Me")

Over the years, we've seen a lot of great villains come and go, but we haven't always gotten to know them as well as we'd like. We got up close and personal with some of BUFFY'S Biggest Bads to find out what makes them tick.

NAME: The Master
GREATEST AMBITION: To roam the Earth freely once again
SECOND-GREATEST AMBITION: To find a wrinkle cream that works worth a damn
TURN-ONS: Blood baths, literal and figurative
PET PEEVES: Incompetent minions; lousy TV reception in underground lair
SHAMEFUL SECRET: Been wearing the same underwear for a century now
NAGGING DOUBT: "What if my minions wise up and just leave me down here?"

NAME: Angelus
GREATEST AMBITION: To suck the world into Hell for all eternity
SECOND-GREATEST AMBITION: To torture his worst enemies by ridding the Earth of peroxide
TURN-ONS: The blood of the innocent; Shark Week on the Discovery Channel
PET PEEVES: Being possessed; the way Spike keeps borrowing his hair gel
SHAMEFUL SECRET: Cried at the end of THE WEDDING SINGER
NAGGING DOUBT: "When the Earth is ruled by demons, will I still be special?"

NAME: Mayor Richard Wilkins III
GREATEST AMBITION: To become a gigantic snake demon
SECOND-GREATEST AMBITION: To make every channel the Family Channel
TURN-ONS: Picnics, miniature golf, human sacrifice
PET PEEVES: Germs; Mr. Trick's overpowering aftershave
SHAMEFUL SECRET: Secret stash of vintage 1950's Playboys in sock drawer
NAGGING DOUBT: "Eating a bunch of teenagers could hurt me in the polls. Plus, those kids are loaded with cholesterol."

NAME: Adam
GREATEST AMBITION: To create a master race of human-demon hybrids
SECOND-GREATEST AMBITION: To find a pair of size 18 Docksiders
TURN-ONS: Extinguishing life wherever he finds it; Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk
PET PEEVES: Has perfect grasp of biology, but can't keep Sea Monkeys alive more than a week
SHAMEFUL SECRET: "Mother did not give me genitals."
NAGGING DOUBT: "Vampires, too, are part human and part demon, but look how Spike turned out."

NAME: Glory
GREATEST AMBITION: To return to her own dimension
SECOND-GREATEST AMBITION: To return to her own dimension without Mom and Dad finding out she was gone
TURN-ONS: Bath products; mimosas; dancing to Britney Spears when no one's watching
PET PEEVES: "The way people scream when I brain-suck them, like they don't care if it hurts my ears."
SHAMEFUL SECRET: Sort of likes waking up in Ben's jockey shorts
NAGGING DOUBT: "What if I go back to my own dimension and they never open a Body Shop there?"

NAME: Warren
GREATEST AMBITION: To get away with murder
SECOND-GREATEST AMBITION: To avoid having to do anything icky with Andrew to get away with murder
TURN-ONS: Free cable porn; flaming anyone who thinks Janeway is better than Picard
PET PEEVES: Completely baffled by 3rd Edition AD&D rules
SHAMEFUL SECRET: Closet full of Jar Jar Binks paraphernalia
NAGGING DOUBT: "What if shooting people in real life isn't as easy as it is in DUKE NUKEM?"

NAME: The First Evil
GREATEST AMBITION: To consume the world in darkness and terror
SECOND-GREATEST AMBITION: To do impressions at Second City
TURN-ONS: Freaking people out; having double-anchovy pizzas sent to Buffy's house
PET PEEVES: "I paid an ad agency top dollar for that stupid 'From beneath you' slogan."
SHAMEFUL SECRET: Started out as "The First Nuisance"
NAGGING DOUBT: "Without my followers, I'm pretty much just a scary voice."

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