| Subject: Re:My comments & expected eng grade in AS-應該合格，但難高等級呀。(About a D Grade) |
Author:
板主
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 17:42:15 12/15/03 Mon
In reply to:
bobo
's message, "I want to ask the eng grade in AS" on 08:37:25 12/14/03 Sun
General Comments
1. Grammar mistakes spotted. (Refer to below)-generally acceptable.
2. Incomplete words/sentence structures & wrong word choice, especially incorrect use of "MUST" give rise to wrong tone or logic.
3. Weak arguments-unconvincing.
4. Other small comments in #(blankets).
>Is being fame good or bad?
>Recently, many people have an ultimate dream that they
>wanted to be famous. The celebrities range from
>artiste, singer, businessman, politician, professional
>doctor and lawyer.[#How about soccer stars like Beckham?] >In view of the seriousness of the
>situation, we have to analyze the condition when they
>are become fames so that the analysis may be made them
>to understand this situation
[#Sentence struture too complicated but yet meaning is unclear; 'To be fair, we should understand their process of becoming famous rather than just admire their success' better?]
> In fact, there are some advantages of being
>famous. Celebrities have a lot of privileges in their
>life. For example, if they wanted to have dinner in a
>famous restaurant, they don’t need to book the table
>in the busy time. If they go to a bank, they don’t
>need to queue up in the busy time.
[#Strange point: In HK, if you are famous, you dare not ask for special previlages as Tabloids would report it immediately!]
>Other,[#Besides,] they have
>special discounts for shopping and treatment for
>traveling. The celebrities were been highly regarded.
> The celebrity will be a center of popular esteem.
>People could recognize a celebrity easily so that the
>celebrities would have attracted people attention. In
>the addition, they are being invited to give speech
>and asked to be chairman. It goes without saying,
>coming to fame can make a fortune. Then they have
>money, cars, houses and many others.
> Only one side of the picture, [#On the other side of the same picture,] there are also some
>disadvantages of being famous. They should [#have to] >care [#about] their image because citizen recognizes them >easily. They should behave decently else it can undermine >their fame. So they should need to be careful with dress and one’s words and deeds. Just imagine if they give a
>bad example to public, people may follow the example
>of them.[#May be not: Examples set by Nicholas Tse-commit crimes or Danny Chan-drug abuse!]
>This is a serious problem about the social
>image. Not only that [#Not parallel sentence structure? Correct:'Not only...But also...']
>they must lost privacy [#Are you sure? they are expected to lost privacy but NOT a "MUST" as they are not paid to do so!]
>because the public curious about them, such as family, >friend and personal particulars.
[#Weak argument]
> Presumably, there are some gossips and rumors
>about the celebrity’s private life. Cause [#Incomplete words not acceptable!]
>their private life should be public talking topics.[#Again: could, NOT "SHOULD"]
>These talking may not true. [#Taliking could not be true or NOT; the CONTENTS of their taliking my be true or not] >However, these [#there] are good or bad
>news, it must [#Why always 'must'?] give them a high >pressure. As a result,
>they may get mad in this condition for a long time.
>Even worse, the terrible problem is ensues[#wrong tense: is ensue] when you a fame. You are very worrying your >personal security.
>For example, you may be kidnapped because you are
>rich. Every [#one] may try to make money in whatever way
>possible. Such as raping and fighting. It is not
>surprising to find that the danger of being fame is
>high.[#Example: Sons of Li Kar-shing]
> The reasons why people wanted to be famous
>mentioned above are exhaustive. However, the
>disadvantages of being famous can affect and lost you.[#'lost you'-What do you mean?]
>The privacy is priceless, [#Strange-privacy is cheap for common people but priceless only for the fames]
>therefore [#Wrong word choice as the argument is not followed-> cannot use 'therefore']
>you should concern
>about the privacy problem. Be my opinion, [In my opinion] >I prefer [#to be a] commoner [rather than] to celebrity.
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 