| Subject: Re:My comments & expected eng grade in AS-應該合格，但難高等級呀。(About a margin D Grade) |
Author:
板主
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Date Posted: 18:18:09 03/02/04 Tue
In reply to:
CHERRY
's message, "I want to ask the eng grade in AS,PLEASE" on 05:52:55 02/28/04 Sat
General Comments
1. Grammar mistakes spotted. (Refer to below)-generally acceptable.
2. a]Wrong use of parts of speech e.g. verb (different) and noun (differences) mixed up in para. 2 &
b] wrong word choice, especially repeated wrong use of "make" (Please revise stock pharases of "make" before you write!!!] , repeated demostration of using "SHOULD"/"MUST" in a wrong tone shows incompetence in the command of auxillary verbs;
c] fauilures in using of prepositions (missing OR wrong choice)
d] limited variety of vocabulary used(like "increase", "decrease", "in fact"???)-->Danger for AS English (esp. Your argument is too weak to overcome this weakness)
3. Strange expressions spotted.
4. Weak arguments (illogically reasoning and missed necessary examples-unconvincing.
5. Level of English demonstrated just merely can cope HKCEE--> You need to study Grammar Books as you are facing the danger of failed in U.E.!!!
6. Other small comments in #(blankets).
> STUDY OR WORK???
>
>Dear peter,
> Hi! I was very happy to receive your letter and
>congratulated you on your graduation of University. I
>understand what is your problem now. This follows
> [#follow act as noun here-no "s" can be added; instead: use followings ]
>is [#are] some [#of] my opinions.
> What [#Which one] is a better choice: work or study? This is
>certainly a question everyone who will come across
>when they graduated in [#from] University. There are many
>factors to [#cross out 'to'] affect [#affecting] your choice, for example, family,
>economy and society. Therefore, you must clearly know
>different [#differences] in [#between] work and study.
> Working has some advantages for us. In fact, many
>company actively employ some jobseekers who have a few
>years work experience. [# reducdant: few working experience is o.k.]
>If you decided to give up your
>study, you should have some chance to work different
>job. [# Not "should" because you should have time for "waiting to be employed" does not mean that you "MUST" be employed!-->wrong argument follows]
>At a result, you will receive many different
>working skills. [#some jobs are routine, an example: you are asked to photocopy documents for your boss and you may not learn any working skills at all!]
>In this situation, you can get a
>better work experience. [#Waht is "better"? What is "worst"?--> Strange]
>This is a good way to train
>your personal skills and make some different kinds of
>workers. [#What do you mean by "make some kinds of workers"? Did you mean "make personal relationship with your colleuges"?]
>While you are working, you should [#Should?] connect
>with some professional workers such as doctor,
>teacher, police, accountant and lawyer.
[#I don't know what you mean!]
>After you worked [#for] one-month time, you can receive monthly salary.
>This can increase your economic ability [# You becomes economically independent]>and decrease [#relieve] the economic infliction of your family.
> On the other hand, working make you to have some
>negative affects. [#"have negative effect" is O.K.]
>Many people who their age [# whose age] are as
>same as you are working out [# NO need to use "Out" with work here! Please go to >see the correct meanings of "work out" here:
http://hk.dictionary.yahoo.com/dict?s=work&t=i#31 ] ,
>they may be give [#given] some
>unfair shakes form their co-worker. You easily have
>high pressure when you working, [# those studying also have pressure! What is the differences?]
>however you haven’t
>ability to handle it because of your young. [#You should learn and practice how to cope stress in your studying stage]
>In this situation, you may go mad. [#Therefore: unconvincing!!!]
> Other, [# "Other" is not a transitional verb! Use "besides/moreover/..." instead]
>continuing study also has some positive
>affect for us. Studies show, under 25-aged younger
>have a better studying condition, [# more fitted for studying, not "better...condition"] >therefore if you
>want to learn more knowledge, you should continue your
>study before 25-aged. [# years old, not "aged"]
>Let you think, if you want to
>continue study after working for a long time, you
>discover that you hard to get a good result on study.
[# Rewrite as follows: It is easy to understand the difficulty of picking up your study again after long time of work. Moreover, you also need to face the workload of study and work at the same time.]
>And, your hope [#missing subject: you] can be a
>professional specialist [specialist MUST be professional--> Reducdant!]
>in the future, you must have a high quality [#level of; not quality!] education.
>One of the high quality education of people has a good
[# Rewrite: One of the features of those who study for high level of education possess is]
>self-confidence, this is a help for working in future.
> However, continuing study has some disadvantages
>for us. Surely, study is spent more money, it may
>decrease the economic ability [# Again: NOT Ability!] of your family.
>If your parents have a lower income,
[#Rewrite: If you come from a low income family]
> it is a big problem [#barrier] [#for you/you need to face] to
>continue study.
>In fact, work experience is as
>important as knowledge, but you have less work
>experience while studying.
[#Strange repeat of argument here!]
> In short, you should clearly know that what kind of
>the lifestyles do you like? If you want to be a
>professional specialist,[#see above] you must [#see above] choose the
>continuing study; otherwise, you should choose to
>work. Besides, you should consider your economic
>ability, it is very important.
> I hope you can balance studying with working, and
>my opinion can help you to solve your problem.
>
> Loves,
>
> Cherry
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