Rusheed Limbaugh -- <font size = "4">The Drunks Bar </font size "4">

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Date Posted: 06:35:44 06/24/05 Fri
Author: Eric
Subject: Rusheed Limbaugh
In reply to: El Rushbo 's message, "The Way Things Oughta Be" on 14:23:00 06/20/05 Mon

Y'all seem to have little faith in the reformative power of prison. Rush might enter prison as megalomaniac asshole but he could emerge like a butterfly from the crysalis, a changed man, finally able to make a real contribution to human society.

The first days will be the hardest. He'll be told by his cellmates that he has to sit while he pees. Initially he'll be alarmed to hear that his fellow prisoners' favorite day of the week is Wednesday because it's pizza day. The pizza will consist of a piece of white bread with a few atoms of "white" cheese topped with a dollup of potted meat product which dessicates in the oven resembling, as memories of freedom dim like the setting son, a single piece of pepperoni. Despite is initial revulsion he too will come to look forward to Wednesdays.

He'll move on through the sundry phases of adjustment to prison life, first vying for popularity with his fellows. He will order a year subscription to Buttman Magazine doling out the pages to the grasping hands of his cellmates. His reward will be the sparsely-toothed grins of his newfound friends. He'll beam with pride as his friends admire the handsome likeness of a spider tatooed on the right side of his neck that dangles from a two-dimensional spiderweb descending from his earlobe.

Eventually he will turn away from sin and western decadence, forming a new relationship with the one true god, Allah. The Nation of Islam will bring about the final destruction of the man who was once Rush Limbaugh. A new man, Rusheed, will emerge from the ashes like a Phoenix. His purpose-driven life will be defined by his complete submission to the will of Allah.

I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Good luck on your journey, Rusheed. May Allah shine his blessings upon you... and don't pick up the soap."

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'Sheed is a loser, too! -- NKLS Cody, 10:20:11 06/29/05 Wed