VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, [7], 8, 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 10:56:22 01/26/03 Sun
Author: Leo Pötsch
Subject: Nine-Eleven: The Musical

It's completely in bad taste, and likely to offend everyone (a bit like South Park?) but I've decided to start writing a musical. I'm no good at music, so I'm taking already established tunes, but here follows the first few scenes (I'm not up to 11-Sept-2001 yet)....

Enjoy (I'm likely to get booted from the community for this)....


Nine-Eleven
The Musical

Each song is to be accompanied by a relevant dance routine to be determined by the choreographer. Where necessary in this text, notes are added for the dance.

Each time the word DEMOCRAT or a variant thereof is spoken, a giant light displaying the word RAT on the back screen is flashed up.


1. SCENE: A voting station, somewhere in Florida.

(Tune of “We like to Party! (The Vengabus)” by the Vengaboys)


CHORUS:

We rig elections!
We rig, we rig elections!
We rig elections!
We rig, we rig elections!

BUSH:

I’m got something to tell you,
I’ve got news for you,
Gonna put some votes in motion,
Get ready cos we’re coming through!

Hey now, hey now, hear what I say now,
Tax breaks for the rich are gonna come in,
Hey now, hey now, hear what I say now,
We will all screw you!

ALL:

Republicans are coming,
And everybody’s voting,
New York to San Francisco,
Miami’s in fiasco!

The wheels of change are turning,
The Enron Shredder’s burning.
C’mon and join our Party,
Young Dubya’s got some Charlie!

CHORUS:

We rig elections!
We rig, we rig elections!
We rig elections!
We rig, we rig elections!

CHENEY:

Hey now, hey now, hear what I say now,
Foreign policies will go out the window,
Hey now, hey now, hear what I say now,
We will all screw you!

ALL:

Republicans are coming,
And everybody’s voting,
New York to San Francisco,
Miami’s in fiasco!

The wheels of change are turning,
The Enron Shredder’s burning.
C’mon and join our Party,
Young Dubya’s got some Charlie!

Republicans are coming,
And everybody’s voting,
New York to San Francisco,
Miami’s in fiasco!

The wheels of change are turning,
The Enron Shredder’s burning.
C’mon and join our Party,
Young Dubya’s got some Charlie!

JEB:

Excuse me miss, but have you voted?

FEMALE VOTER:

Yes I have.

JEB:

Who did you vote for?

VOTER:

Some guy named Chad.

BUSH:

My fellow Amphibian, have you voted?

BLACK VOTER:

Yes I have.

BUSH:

Who did you vote for?

BLACK VOTER:

Not for you, that’s for sure! Al Gore!

CHENEY:
(CHENEY takes the vote out of the box and tears it up)

I think that would class as a null-and-void vote.

CHORUS:

We rig elections!
We rig, we rig elections!
We rig elections!
We rig, we rig elections!

LAURA BUSH:

Republicans are coming
Republicans are coming
Republicans are coming
Republicans are coming

ALL:

Republicans are coming,
And everybody’s voting,
New York to San Francisco,
Miami’s in fiasco!

The wheels of change are turning,
The Enron Shredder’s burning.
C’mon and join our Party,
Young Dubya’s got some Charlie!

Republicans are coming,
And everybody’s voting,
New York to San Francisco,
Miami’s in fiasco!

The wheels of change are turning,
The Enron Shredder’s burning.
C’mon and join our Party,
Young Dubya’s got some Charlie!

BUSH:

Republicans are coming!

(They leave)

2. SCENE: The White House, Oval Office.

BILL CLINTON, HILARY CLINTON, LIEBERMAN, and AL GORE exit stage left, singing:

(Tune of “Tragedy” by the BeeGees)


DEMOCRATS:

Tragedy!
When the vote’s gone wrong
And you can’t go on!
Tragedy!
When you won the poll
But got no soul!
It’s hard to bear,
You’ve won the election,
But going nowhere!

(BUSH enters with LAURA, CHENEY and POWELL. BUSH sits at the desk)

CHENEY:

All right then. Now that I’m President, we’d better get to work.
LAURA:

Excuse me? But I think my husband is the President.

CHENEY:

No, no. He’s the Resident: he didn’t win the election! Besides, he needs the P taken out of him. I doubt he could even spell his own name.

BUSH:

I can!

(pause)

I know there’s a Dubya in it....

CHENEY:

Well done. First things first. We need a press release drawn up. Make up a story that the DemocRATS stole all the letter Dubyas from the computer keyboards. That should whip the press up into a frenzy. Then....

BUSH:

We’ll start a war? Wars are always good for the economy.

CHENEY:

If you had any more brains you’d be dangerous.

POWELL:

A war! Now you’re getting the idea! But who to attack? I’ll find out if there’s an Euro-crisis. Europe is always up for a war or two.

(To the tune of “Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?” by Lerner & Loewe from “My Fair Lady”)


It’s rather dull in town
I think I’ll take me to Paree

CHENEY:

I think I shoot some lions
On reserve in Zambezi!

BUSH:

Me doctor recommends
Kyoto really ain’t for me!

ALL:

Mmmmmmmm! Mmmmmmmm!
Wouldn’t it be loverly!

BUSH:

All I want is a war somewhere,
Far away from the voters here,
With help from Tony Blair,
Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly?

CHENEY:

Lots of functions where I can eat.

BUSH:

Lots of bombs making lots of heat.

POWELL:

Let’s send the U.S. fleet!

ALL:

Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly?

BUSH:

Oh so loverly sitting absobloominlutely still
I would never budge till when
Our boys have made a kill!

Axis of Evil for me to see,
Smile for public, yes, would we!
Whiskey straight from Tennessee.
Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly?
Loverly! Loverly!
Loverly! Loverly!

ALL:

All I want is a war somewhere,
Far away from the voters here,
Helped by dear Tony Blair,

BUSH:

Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly?

LAURA:

Oh George!

ALL:

Lots of functions where I can eat.
Lots of bombs making lots of heat.
Let’s send the U.S. fleet!
Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly?

Oh so loverly sitting absobloominlutely still

BUSH:

I would never budge till when
Our boys have made a kill!

ALL:

Axis of Evil for us to see,
Smile for public, yes, would we!
Whiskey straight from Tennessee.
Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly?
Loverly! Loverly!
Loverly! Loverly!

BUSH:

Whiskey straight from Tennessee.

BUSH and LAURA:

Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly?

POWELL:

Now all we have to do is decide who we are gonna attack.

BUSH:

Brilliant! Let me sign that document endorsing Son of Star Wars. It may not work very well, but it will make billions for the Amphibian economy.

CHENEY:
(presents document)

Then we’ll bully the other NATO states to join up and make even more money.

BUSH:
(begins reading)

I’m gonna be the best president ever! Hmmm....

POWELL:

No need to read it, sir, you’ve never made it past Dr Seuss.

BUSH:

That book is a classic! Who would have though a cat would wear a hat?

(BUSH signs. POWELL and CHENEY exit, leaving BUSH and LAURA together.)

LAURA:

Oh George! We’re here at last! The White House! We haven’t been here since your dad moved out.

BUSH:

Yes, and I only lost by nine hundred votes! All I have to do now is stay here. Do you think the voter will notice if I abolish voting?

LAURA:

They might, dear. I’ll tell you what, why don’t we ask Pat Robertson about it?

BUSH:

Great idea! But first I’ll wire some money to the Colombian Government. They’re doing a good job with the drugs down there. Oh wait, we’d better wire some money to some people in Aghanistanistan.

LAURA:

Who, dear?

BUSH:

Some people called the Telly-buns. They was fighting Communiminists there a while ago, so Dad gave them money.

(They leave)

3. SCENE: Ten Downing Street, London. The Prime Minister’s Office.

(BLAIR enters, accompanied by aides. Blair looks suspiciously like a poodle)

ALL:
(doing a brief dance routine)

Who let the dogs out?
Who? Who? Who? Who?
Who let the dogs out?
Who? Who? Who? Who?

BLAIR:

All right, who’s my first appointment today?

AIDE:

Ariel Sharon, sir. From Israel.

BLAIR:

Where is he then?

AIDE:
(handing BLAIR phone)

Late, sir. But I have him on his mobile phone.

BLAIR:
(into phone)

Yo! MC Blair speakin. Wassup? Just chillin, dude. How’s Israel? Yeah, me homie Mubarak has invited me to Egypt, spend the weekend crashing out in his pad. Wicked. Me bitch Cherie? Mighty fine, home dog, mighty fine. Sorry? I can’t hear you. The signal is breaking up. There must be something wrong with your Arial, Sharon! Peace out.

(BLAIR hangs up. There is a knock at the door. The AIDE answers it, and SHARON enters.)

Hey, Sharon! Shalom!

SHARON:

Shalom. Now, about these weapons that my country is buying.

BLAIR:

Peace, man. Chill. Do you want to go down to Lambeth and have a spliff? My main man Blunkett just downgraded it from a Class B to a Class C drug. He looks after the Home Office, if you know what I mean. (Blair tokes on his spliff) This a good blend, dude.

SHARON:

No thank you. We had an arms deal. I’m here to finalise arrangements, so that we may protect my fellow countrymen from any more attacks. I mean, just the other day, one of my workers was killed.

(To the tune of “Moonlight Shadow” by Mike Oldfield)

The last that ever we saw him,
Blown away!
By a suicide bomber.
He passed on bloodied and crawling.
Blown away!
By a suicide bomber.

Lost in downtown that Saturday night.
Far away in The Gaza Strip.
He was caught in the middle of a desperate fight.
Arafat’s boys did him through.

Palestinians conspired in the evening.
Blown away!
By a suicide bomber.
Jews full of anger and seething.
Blown away!
By a suicide bomber.

All they saw was a mad Palestinian.
Far away in The Gaza Strip.
He was blown from there to Kingdom come.
Arafat’s boys did him through.

I say! I pray!
Give us the weapons, here, today!
I say! I pray!
Seeing Arafat sentenced, one day!

4am in the morning,
Blown away!
By a suicide bomber.
The Jews were all in mourning.
Blown away!
By a suicide bomber.

Bombs kill us slowly in the silvery night.
Far away in The Gaza Strip.
Please give us the chance to put up a fight!
Arafat’s boys did him through.

I say! I pray!
Give us the weapons, here, today!
I say! I pray!
Seeing Arafat sentenced, one day!

(Guitar solo; SHARON busts a move)

Far away in The Gaza Strip.

Caught under fire in the Golan Heights.

Would this happen if Yitzak Rabin were alive?
He would know how to pull through.

Blown away!
By a suicide bomber.

Blown away!
By a suicide bomber.

Far away in The Gaza Strip.

BLAIR:

Okay, homedog. You make a pretty convincing case. Let’s come to some arrangement, so that I can help you out. Pretty soon you Hebbie homeboys is gonna be packin, so you can look after yourselfs, know what I is sayin, ai’ii. Just let me speak with my buddy Bush baby, and I’ll let you know.

TO BE CONTINUED.....

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Post a message:
This forum requires an account to post.
[ Create Account ]
[ Login ]
Forum timezone: GMT-8
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.