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Date Posted: August 18, 12:31:am GMT-5
Author: Cat
Subject: HB's favourite jokes...

We all know HB rarely cracks a joke..and if she does, most people won't understand it..
However, here are some of her all time favourites....

How do you find the quickest way into a man's heart?
Stab his chest with a very sharp knife.

Why is it more difficult to build a snowman than to build a snowwoman?
If you build a snowman, you have to hollow out the head.

What does foreplay mean to a man? Half an hour of Begging before his girlfriend says yes.

What would you call a man with an IQ of 50? A genius.

What would a woman do if she saw a man running in zigzag course through her garden? Keep on shooting at him.

What did God say after he created Adam?
"I know I can do better!"

What did God say after he created Eve?
"Practise makes perfect!"

What is a woman who always knows where her husband is at night? A widow.

He: "Darling, I'll make you the happiest woman in the world!"
She: "I'll miss you..."

What does a man do if he is making plans for the future? Getting two crates of beer.

How many of all the intelligent, sensitive and gentle men in the world will you need for doing the dishes? All three of them.

Cardiac Arrest and Brain Death are sitting on a bench and quarreling which of them is more efficient.
Cardiac Arrest says: "Look what I can do! See that old woman?"
He snaps his fingers and the old woman drops dead immediately.
Brain Death says: "Ha! Just watch me! See that old man?"
He snaps his fingers... and snaps....and snaps....and snaps..

Why are married women fatter than single women?
The single woman returns to her flat, checks what's in the fridge and goes to bed.
The married woman returns to her flat, checks what's in the bed and goes to the fridge...

What's a man in a barrel full of acid?
A solved problem.

She: "My colleagues say I've got great legs."
He: "And did they say anything about your fat ass?"
She: "No, they didn't mention you at all."

A catholic and a protestant priest are discussing at which point life starts - at birth or at begetting?
An old woman listens to them for a while and then says: "I can tell you at which point life starts - when the children have left your house and your hubby is six feet under."

When does a man learn how to walk upright? When the beer is kept in the top shelf.

What's sad about two men in a Ford Fiesta hitting a concrete wall at full speed? Waste of space - five men at least would have fitted in there!

What does a sensible wife do if her husband plummets down the stairs and breaks his neck while fetching potatoes? She has spaghetti for dinner.

A farmer and his wife are walking down the street. Suddenly lightning strikes - two yards next to the farmer. His wife looks at the clouds and says: "Well?"
Some seconds later lightning strikes again - one yard next to the farmer. His wife looks at the sky and says: "WELL???"
They walk on. Finally lightning strikes again and hits the farmer who drops down dead. His wife looks at the sky and says: "At last!"

How do you pay back a woman who has stolen your husband? Make her keep him.

Why do men exist?
Cos marrows can't mow the lawn...

Cat

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