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Date Posted: 19:35:57 07/29/02 Mon
Author: ???
Author Host/IP: kpt-c-24-158-121-145.chartertn.net / 24.158.121.145
Subject: Whoa! Crackosmoker got the total beatdown when he wasn't looking on massacre!
Yeah! He like totally did! Real bad and stuff!
Maybe he should keep his most auiditoristic orifice closed....


Somewhere, deep in the bowels of the UWF arena, after Massacre....

(A darkened room with a white backdrop dominates the screen... a monitor has been set up, and the ever so short but joyous scene of Shadojoker being beaten like a bitch in a bitch beatin' contest is played over and over:

...Vic Russo heads off in one direction and Roman Cage turns around and heads in the other. The camera follows Shadojoker.

Shadojoker continues down the hall and makes a turn down another hall. All of a sudden, the lights flicker and then go out.

Voice#1: You heard our orders, Ford! Get him!

Another Voice: Yeah!

A lot of noise can be heard, but nothing can be seen as the camera is totally black. The lights flicker again and turn back on just as a figure can be seen quickly turning a corner. Shadojoker is lying in a pool of blood. The scene quickly cuts back to ringside.

Dan Kelly: Who was that?!

Johnny Maxwell: I have no idea, but there seemed to be a lot of metal clanking around there.

Dan Kelly: Yeah, and what orders are they talking about?!

Johnny Maxwell: I wonder if Shadojoker even has some idea....

(A slightly metallic voice can be heard commenting on the video clip paused on poor Joker laying in a pool of his own God-knows-what infested blood...)

Voice#1: Whoa! That was like a total beatdown and stuff! The Boss will be so proud of us!

Voice#2: Yeah! He most certainly will! We like totally did what he told us to, and beat up Shadojoker really bad! His crainum probably suffered some major concussional damage to the frontal lobe area, that section that controls hand-eye cooridination, speech, basic ability to do simple mathematics, and bedwetting! He will like never ever be the same ever!

Voice#1: .........

Voice #2: ...and stuff!

Voice#1: Yeah! Knowing the egomaniac that Roman Cage is, due to his brother's outshining of him wherever he goes, as pathetic as that totally is, he probably thinks he's seen the last of it and stuff!

Voice#2: Yeah!

Voice#1: I don't know if little Cage even knows he got totally beat up really bad and stuff! He like maybe has amnesia! He hasn't been seen since, maybe he's been washing his Star Wars sheets all week, due to like totally monsterous bedwetting? Who knows, maybe he is busy filming his 'new movie', hahahahahahahaha!

Voice#2: Hahahahahahahahaha yeah! What was it called again?

Voice#1: I think it was like called," The Life and Times of The Brother Who Lived in the Shadows of the Sith", also known as, "The Life and Times of Some Total Loser who Lived in His Brother's Shadow"! He like totally sucks!

Voice#2: Yeah! He totally does! At least he lost that most dubiously homosexual mask though! It was like totally gay!

Voice#1: Hey, I don't know if he did or not, in a promo a few days back I thought I saw a handicapable person's drawing of him with that mask. As retarded as it was, you must admit that he did indeed use it in a promo, but you know, I thought it was fitting, as Shodojoker is most definitly a total retard of the first degree!

Voice#2: Yeah! You are right as always! You know, I wonder if we so totally knocked him out of his wits he does not even realize that he has a match coming up at the PPV, and a 'mystery' match at that?

Voice#1: I totally doubt it. He is like always a total failure at comebacks. He totally no-shows all the time, especially when he has been beaten up real bad and stuff! He used to be like, IUWF Champion of Mexico or something... It blows my electrodes to even think that some fed could be crappy enough to like even give him that! They must have been hard up for talent and stuff! Like, El Dandy and Cyclope must have been busy that week and stuff! Shawn Staziak might have had the flu or something. That RMC guy that was in this fed earler might have had his schedule totally filled. Peter the Cool Guy might have had his radical board in the shop that day... I dunno what the deal was, but something musta been rotten in Detroit for Joker to have any kind of title, even from a fed as totally lame as the IUWF. If he had any kind of intelligence whatsoever, he'd just stay home and play with his little lame lightsaber! Maybe he can plug up his gaping vagina with it and stop his pee-bed problem!

Voice#2: Whoa! That was like ultimo harsh and stuff!

Voice#1: Yeah! It was! But remember, that's what the Boss told us to be. He said "Be like totally harsh and stuff!" or something to that effect! We must use all of our Robo..."

Voice#2: Whoa! You almost totally gave it away and stuff! Let's just say, let's use all of our _______ Might to humiliate and destroy that wannabe Johnny Cage guy, Shado"w"joker! Like totally with the 'w' even!

Voice#1: He like, totally hates that and stuff! You are great!

Voice#2: Yeah! And you are great too!

Voice#1: I know! We are like totally greater than the sum of our parts somehow, even if it like totally breaks the second law of thermodynamics! We have to get pumped for the PPV, let's go totally quaff some oil and totally train our kung fu! He'll rue the day he even mentioned our Boss! He's lucky that the Boss sent us cause he was like a most busy internet journalist, and didn't have time come himself due to pressing site hit matters! Then Shadojoker would be like totally deader than his career and stuff! He would be in so much trouble!

Voice#2: Yeah! But he's in enough trouble already! Because we are like going to totally destroy what is left of his pathetic former self!

Voice#1: Yeah!

Voice#2: Yeah!

(The camera pans out, but a backgroud light makes the images of the pair of conspirators silouette, and you just can't quite see who they are...)



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